New in my life due to medical treatment

[KA60]

OK. This may not be quite ok for this group. I have a related womebs group for this. I reached out to them. But I am pissed. I have had estrogen treatment for severe menopausal symptoms. It has helped a lot. But.... my breast size has increased. My ob gyn said it can happen. But husband now giving me too much attention for it. Not ok. My first deceased husband had onkine porn addiction. He was so distracted by it it contributed to his death. He could not focus on himself or his health. I was a stupid codependent trying to save him and I got catastrophically sick trying to save him. Any way I told my husband finally this am his attention for this is bugging the hell out of me. I am putting my tops that are lower cut revealing cleavage in the trash. I got domestic violence treatment due to first deceased husband so if I am getting attention for this from him I could be getting it elsewhere. For medical treatment!. He uses the word kitties
Your titties
look could this am etc. He is a good man but does not understand boundaries like I do. Frankly I feel ashamed humiliated for no good damn reason apparently. Except there is a reason- my body is my own. It belongs to me. Yes I am in tears over this. Thank you.

 

[Sideways]

That’s pretty disrespectful.

Can you explain to hubby the impact that his comments are having on you? Sometimes that helps a person understand why when you ask them to stop doing something.

 

[KA60]

Thank you for the support. It is distasteful. Yes I explained it. I will over and over if I have to. My toos with lower cuts are now in the trash can.

 

[Movingforward10]

He should hear you and stop commenting on your breasts.
I'm sorry you are feeling you have to change what you wear.

Him not hearing you and continuing even though he knows it makes you uncomfortable, is not healthy relationship behaviour.

 

[KA60]

You are right. If I have not been clear in my posts the root issue / cause is his beliefs in coming apolcslypse. He denies it but true. I have to face a lot of fear from this . I got critically ill may 2014 . Went into cardiopulmonary arrest..The consequence of his beliefs? For me I am standing up against the sick.politucs in the US. I email senators congress in my state on behalf of social security. I have found a local church here - the pastor is from Nigeria and a place maker. He is just a high conflict person. I asked him today to just hold me when I feal this fear. To help me with this fear. That there is a future where despite difficulties changes we will still be here. It is massive cognitive dissonce I am dealing with. This breast fondling issue just got to frequent. Thank you for your comment. I am so grateful for this group. He is a veteran has medicaid. He will lose it. He won't get help from the VA. I have medicare and a supplement so I have health care. He really is a good man. No wanting to fondle talk about my breasts like this got really distracting. We are busy with 2 dogs. I have made some friends contacts in our community. No He will not get therapy. No He will not participate in couples counseling..we separate we risk serious financial consequrnces it is likely our dogs would have to be euthanized. I really do love him..I told him I survived what I did partly to stand up against the psychopathology in the US. I don't know what else to do. Go on with life. Keep setting boundaries.

 

[KA60]

I am coming to grips with this- I have been researching. His views and his willingness to fight - with me or anyone probably falls under some type of radicalization..For almost 5 years I heard him argue with his brother about politics. They are no contact again..i really confronted him today. Why are we doing this or this or this if the apolcylapse is coming? We are all going to die. He is a veteran air force special forces para rescue. He has PTSD although I cannot diagnose. I am going to reach.out to some groups for support that help families loved ones of people with these beliefs. I had support from the veteran spouses network. He says I don't give him credit for the good things he has done and he has. But living with a man with these beliefs who will point out news to say his beliefs are true- this is tough.
.

 

[Muttly]

Yes, living like that would be tough. I am glad you are reaching out to get more support. I think it's going to be very important in your situation.

 

[KA60]

Thank you for your post. It is meaningfull..it helps..

 

[KA60]

Well another big blow up husband and me. I will need to blend politics and psychology here..My husband really is a doomsdsy believer. 6 years of trying to reason with him aka harm to me and others trauma etc. He just fights. I wish it was just me but I am the one his life that has been most strong about it. His parents tried. Anyway I lost it again yelling screaming etc. There was a bipartisan bill passing the housing issue and trump has no power to stop it. He vetoed it - still law. I screamed at my husband he cam leave. Help me pay off some debt. We live in an rv in a rural community but facing the fesf from his beliefs his constant gaslighting etc I am no longer afraid. I screamed that trump is going down like all the other men in history like him did the golden calf does not prevail- story from old testament trump is a malignant narcissist an anti Christ. God- I said you can die and on your deathbed after doomsdsy you can say I was right. Then I screamed we will survive and thrive. I am registered to vote. I voted early in my districts primary in may. I have bern calling senators congressman members in support of social security for a year and half. We bought my husband weapons 2 air guns. He wants more. Always looking at them online checking the news a lot discussing it. Yesterday I told him from his pay budget money for more weapons then we will pay bills etc. I have friends in my community now began attending a church 5 weeks ago. Finslly he said this am. I wanted a partner I could help feel safe and I am struggling with it. He has not. I have worked on me though. Help anybody. He is a veteran has ptsd. Refused treatment. Couoles counseling..He blames me for ruining his dream but I said you did it to yourself..earlier he basically demanded I let go of the fear I have for him. Trauma does not work that way. He has basically scoffed at my trauma therapy etc..I think I know what has happened here some. He has had to face himself his fears..i may join this church I am attending. The father is a peacemaker and has become another educator in my life.

 

[KA60]

Update about my husband and me. He had a brain injury at age 8. Was paralyzed for awhile. Trauma from fsther growing up. He is a veteran. I have been staring at the reality for awhile..he said he had a vision with this injury at age 8. Saw everything that is happening now then. Aka second civil war arnegedennon
Has spent a lot of time telling people his beliefs are real. Yesterdsy we had a decent talk about the effects of this on me. He has some insight but got into big argument again. The root cause'- he has to be right. I have a seizure risk from cranitomy done 2014 abcess brain..seizure free . I had to re learn talking walking driving etc. Emotional regulation fact checking saying no etc etc etc..he got angry with me yelling projecting blaming..i had to set hard limits. I had to repeat to him. I am afraid of you. I was reading a book he yanked it out of my hand twice. I told him his beliefs are just that. He owns them. Emotional distress is a seizure trigger. This does not matter to him..I wish I was the exception to this. He will beat someone into the ground if they have different views..He has had more head injuries since age 8..one involved being in blast radius of IED in Iraq. It finally hit me last night with us that.I have the right to in an environment free of fear from someone's doomsdsy beliefs. He always points out news articles confirming his beliefs. Confirmation bias. I get no where when I speak of the info on our phones affecting our moods ability to think critically reacting etc..We have 2 dogs. Own rv together..Both retired I bring in 1100 more per month then him
. I did a budget based on me staying here him leaving. It will be tight but I believe I can manage..He is a good man he has done many good things for me but his insistence he is right. God. It overrides it. I spoke to him today . Only 3 sentences. The news is his whole life. He will.not.aclnowlwdge he needs help..there is nothing.I can do to fix him..he keeps bringing up how there are 2.7 million guns in the US many AR 15s that will penetrate 10 rvs. I talk with a with Vietnam veteran here where we live. Nice man. He talks like this. PTSD in my husband and this other veteran. I have ptsd too.I have lost a battle with my husband I never should have tried to fight. A medical condition of mine requiring life long management ' decrease stress etc..what do.I do? I have told him he is free to leave. He can blame me all he wants. There.are marriage issues here too. He refused couples counseling long ago. I have friends here in our small rural town.
.
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[Sideways]

I have told him he is free to leave.

Is this mindset keeping you trapped?

I get it would be incredibly difficult, and maybe not something you could do straight away, but is it time to start planning to leave him (rather than waiting for him to leave - because, why would he if he doesn’t see any need to change)?

there is nothing.I can do to fix him.

This.

You cannot fix him. You will not change him. He may decide to do that on his own. But there’s mo amount of your setting healthy boundaries that is going to change his beliefs.

He has to want to change, and then do the hard work himself. He’s made it clear, consistently and over a long time, that he has no interest in changing.

Look after yourself - you deserve to feel safe in your home.

 

[KA60]

Thank you. I need to hear see this. I have been looking for my own place. My heart breaker? Our dogs. 2 pitbulls. My legal ESAs. They should be collateral damage to this. I may sound stupid. These dogs keep me here. Plus him. He really is a good man. He has done goid things for me. We own a nice rv together. We only pay lot rent which is low and all inclusive. Rent all utilities. We live in a rural area. His beliefs? Not likely to materialize in a small rural area. The US the world in bad shape. I had domestic violence treatment. 2017- 2018. I am having a very hard time finding my own place to rent where I can bring my dogs and afford. Please sideways or anyone else. Comment