Talking About It

[skeenr]

I hear a lot of people talking about how this is private and no one else has to know, but does that mean you are attention seeking if you do want to talk about it? My ptsd, it has changed me and not for the better. Now that I am learning what was attributed to it I feel guilty for times I was being triggered and projected. It makes me feel like it's too late to fix things whenever I get told "I don't want to deal with it." Is it wrong for me r on want the people I live with to know and even maybe understand what I am going through and what is caused by my ptsd and why it shouldn't define who I am to them? Or am I just using my ptsd as a crutch?

 

[keifer]

PTSD is alien to most people. To understand it, I believe you have to have it. My anesthesiologist from last week said it must be horrible. I didn't think so, I said. I forgot to add, it's unimaginable what it's like when I'm have a flashback or nightmares? Else, it doesn't seem like it's even real to me.

 

[Caterpillar]

It's not attention seeking to want those close to you to know what you've been through so they can hopefully understand at least a little. I think that sounds pretty natural, and might be a good sign for where you're at with your own acceptance of the traumas. I can't share a lot of what goes on in my head, and I think I'd be in a better place if I could talk more openly.

 

[Notsowild]

Wow @skeenr... I could have wrote this. I think it's hard to tell people about PTSD. Most do not or care not to understand. I told my children but it was pretty obvious there was something wrong with me. They try to understand but I do seem like a burden to them.

Then there's work... I was having problems with a new manager. Between her yelling or "in your face" approaches and my PTSD symptoms I was suspended and am now on medical leave. Our HR dept wanted me to tell her about my PTSD but my psychologist said it was personal. So it was confusing. To tell or not to tell. It's a tough one.

 

[Springer80]

If you had something like a severe nut allergy youd tell them. Sounds to me like your blaming yourself and so being apologetic and introspective.

 

[skeenr]

@Springer80 so are you saying I should or shouldn't? What do you mean by introspective? I mean of course I am looking internally to figure out what is going on, and of course it is at times making me think that everything is my fault. A couple months ago I got into a fight with my roommate and couldn't stop going off on her just like my step dad had done to me for years. I was projecting and that is when I told my counselor I needed a diagnosis. I was, in my eyes becoming the very thing I hated, and the very thing I swore I would never be. So how c an I not feel guilty about what is going on inside me?

 

[HelenB]

I personally do not have a problem with telling people, though it obviously varies a lot with who it is as to how much I would say about it, but for me I have found it is has been an important part of finally accepting myself and the things which happened to me, as though I would love for them to just all be shut away and not have to accept it, I know in reality there is no way I can get away from the fact that it has had such a massive impact on me, and feel more than anything for myself that I just have to be real now, and though some people do not understand and probably never will, I have still found it very important, as it is more about the fact that I am accepting myself, and as I said know that is the most important thing now for me.

Helen

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I've been here awhile and I haven't heard anyone say it's private and nobody has to know (in an absolute sense). I have heard lots of people say that only a few others know and beyond that it is a matter of being a personal matter. If you're in the position of having told nobody, then you don't know why many of us are so private. There are people who walk away at the first mention of PTSD or the first time they see you have a flashback, etc. Unfortunately learning who you can tell and who you can't tell is a skill you will have to learn on your own, as people who are trustworthy otherwise may not be able to handle this information. I think being able to share your PTSD diagnosis with those closest to you is good, but being open with everyone isn't wise as it could cost you more than just a friendship or relationship (ie a job, etc).

 

[Meadowsweet]

I think, there is a difference between how things should be, in an ideal world, and how things are.

You're not wrong for wanting someone to care when you are in a nightmare, or for wanting someone to see how much it hurts and pick you up and take you away from it. But, the thing with trauma, is that people can't see what you see - to them it's just a thing way back in the past, it doesn't involve them, or matter to them beyond how 'IT' affects your behavior now.

Life isn't fair and in the ideal world, when people are abused or tortured, people should stand up in arms to protect and console those who have been abused, and to say NO to those who abuse. And in that ideal world, you are perfect and not wrong at all for wanting people around you to care.

But, whether we like it or not, people don't have that conscience, and to me at least, it seems like the way through is to accept that you are the person that is strong enough to deal with and work through the abuses that you've suffered - those around you don't mean to hurt, they're just not strong enough.