“how are you doing?”

[freebird]

I relate to this so much....I'm not fine. I can pretend very well, and hide it. If I tell people how I am really feeling, and somehow my appearance matched my feelings, people would cross the street.

 

[NightSky]

I relate to this so much....I'm not fine. I can pretend very well, and hide it. If I tell people how I...

That’s precisely what I’m getting at. Sounds like we all pretend and hide. I know that’s necessary in certain professional and social situations (or most). But I just want to know if I’ll ever BE fine. Actually really fine so I don’t have to pretend. I know life will always be a mix of hard and good. But this relentless emotional pain that’s there even on the best of days... does it ever lessen if not go away? It’s exhausting.

 

[freebird]

That’s precisely what I’m getting at. Sounds like we all pretend and hide. I know that’s necessa...

It IS so exhausting, yes. Sometimes I imagine what it would be like if a few societal norms changed, and true expression was a standard norm for everyone...Instead of always "I'm fine" maybe there would be better mental health? Idk.

 

[Suzetig]

Is it hiding though? The reality is I don’t want to discuss how I’m doing with the majority of people who ask me how I am. There are people who know me and know how I am and folk who I have a passing acquaintance with, I don’t feel I’m being dishonest answering with a vague “fine thanks, you?” type response because regardless of whether they’re interested in how I really am, I don’t want to get into the mire of PTSD I’m the middle of the supermarket and certainly not with someone I’m not that close to.

For the purposes of day to day interactions, I am fine - my trauma stuff is less relentless now than it once was but it still pops up from time to time, but I don’t have a need to let others in on that as a response to a social nicety.

 

[ladee]

To your question of is it ever really good or fine?? YES... Getting used to not having my brain and body being pulled and pushed in ten different directions is an adjustment all it's own... There ends up being this huge void that I have had to learn how to fill with good, creative, day to day experiences without being going off the rails... YES... I still have symptoms, I still get triggered, I never relax, blah blah blah.... but it is all manageable today. I can usually quickly identify what is going on, and do what I've learned to do to get it down to something that is manageable...

YES, all this hard work is worth it in the future. I will always have PTSD, but PTSD does not have ME every day like in the past.

My answer to people who are asking, 'how are you?' are generally making small talk.. I will reply with, 'well, I'm still on this side of the dirt, so guess I'm ok', Or 'haven't got a clue, how are you today'..... Most of the people I am close to, don't understand, and I only end up frustrated with their stupid answers or feedback, so I say, 'it's complicated... you don't want to know'...

But YES, we do get better, we do heal as much as humanly possible. The past is not our master anymore. We learn to live in today. Make reasonable plans for the future... and get to do and enjoy things we were deprived of or too sick to do anything about...

Stay committed to your recovery... no matter how hard it gets... it changes, we change... and all this hard work is worth the freedom... don't disappear five minutes before the miracles start happening...

 

[NightSky]

I understand that it’s not hiding/pretending to say “fine” to the general population. I mean when my T asks me and wants a real answer. I don’t know how to answer. Especially during the week after a hard session and her email says “how are you doing?” I’m totally fine with the regular day to day responses to coworkers. I mean when I have to give an answer and I’ve been In therapy for almost three years and every time she asks I realize I am not good or fine and maybe I never will be and that scares me.

 

[blackemerald1]

I think I will always be changed... and working on being better. I have come a long way. Sometimes I think I haven't but that is not reality. It's just a bad day or whatever & everyone has those right?

You say you have been in Therapy three years & you are questioning if it ever gets better. I don't know your particular circumstances but this is a question for your doc.

For me, yes I am recovering and I continue to do so.

Will I ever return to the old me..no. But that is ok for me, I don't waste much time on impossible outcomes... these days.
It is good enough for me to keep looking forward.

Talk to your doc about this but don't believe you are not capable of being happy ever.

 

[MyWillow]

This reminds me...on Tuesday I was waiting for my T in her reception area whilst she did some admin and took my payment etc - she works for herself so it’s a quiet space. She left the room briefly and, on her return, asked how I was. So weird but I said “hello” instead of answering and I felt like I was on another planet. She promptly suggested I take myself on through to her room and have some quiet down time. It really was a sign of things to come. Damn I hate this. Why can’t a simple question have a simple answer lol

 

[ShadowWolf]

My t asks that question, "How are you?" at the start of almost every session. I used to just answer, "I don't know." Which he would then prod me for more information.

I finally told him one day, "I hate that question." in response. Because I don't know what he means. I don't know what the "right" answer is. He says there's no right answer. I'm like well is it how I am right this instant, how my week has gone, how I'm doing over all? He says I can answer however I'd like. So not helpful. One time he even said I'm allowed to have multiple feelings at once, with no particular one standing out. That helped me answer the question, because then I can say, "A part of me hates the question because I don't know how to respond, a part of me is nervous right now, a part of me is in my usual state."

We also talk about how I realize I am getting better, but that I am not okay. My t seemed to think I was doing well one time, and I got really frustrated with him and explained that even if I look okay on the outside, even if I can laugh and have a decent conversation, I am not okay! I'm filled with emotional pain inside, and I don't want him to ever assume it's gone, unless I say so.

Now when my t asks the question it's usually, "I know you hate this question, but how are you?" I find that amusing in a way. But I'm more able to answer with something like, "I'm okay-ish, but I was really mad earlier this week." Then we can talk about what I'm mad at about. Or I'll say something like, "During the last week my moods were up and down, but nothing sticks out, today I'd prefer to talk about the past."