Upside Down Eagle
Diamond Member
I’ve never done this on mobile before, so I hope my post will be easy to understand, let’s see.
I’m recuperating from surgery and my grandmother and her guy friend offered to take me in. So when I say she’s toxic, let’s assume she’s toxic in an unintentional way, and it’s not intended as an insult.
My grandmother and I have almost opposite personalities. She likes to shoot the breeze, I don’t. Her way of dealing with difficult things is to pretend it isn’t happening and everything’ll be allright. My way is to listen to myself and find solutions.
Just after my surgery I had a hematoma (internal bleeding), which is dangerous. She said that it was nothing to be worried about. I said it was. I went back to the hospital for a second emergency procedure. Since then I have a hard time trusting her judgement.
She thinks I see everything in a super-negative light and am too easily freaked-out. Her solution is to tell me what I “should” do (I should think about things in a different way) and to tell me that my way of handling things basically sucks and that I’ll never get anywhere like that. I’m 30.
Some examples.
- I know my landlord has been in my room several times without my permission and without notice. I told my grandmother I was thinking about changing the locks. She yelled at me that that would be super stupid and that these people would hate me forever
- In the hospital I was feeling nauseous and unable to eat one more bite of gross, dripping hospital food.
- She yelled at me like you do at a small child, to eat my dinner, and kept yelling when I said no several times, making an ass out of me in front of staff (who went through the trouble of bringing dinner because of her yelling)
- When I had quite a worrisome amount of wound fluid oozing out of the wound, I told her I would inform the surgeon, and that a friend was my backup and would drive me back to the hospital in case of an emergency. She screamed at me that I’m faint of heart and always making a big deal out of nothing
- Today again I was worried because there seems to be another potential complication. I’m seeing the surgeon again tomorrow, but all in all the entire experience has been exhausting and I’m in a crappy place mentally. So I told her that I would withdraw a bit until I feel calm. I was not in a condition to sit down and have a nice long chat with them, so she yelled at me, accusing me of always walking away
I’m so sick and tired of her, her partner is a great guy and I never have problems with him. But no matter what I do, it’s “wrong” and I always “should” be something different in her book. When once I told her that her constant ranting is not very nice either, she went out of her way to defend herself, calling herself a concerned and cheerful person, and was SHOCKED that I dare say something about her.
My dad is just like this, I’m out of touch with him, but it’s apparent where he learned it (she’s his mom).
Not sure what to do. Reasoning with her never works, just makes it worse. I discussed it with other family members (all kids of hers) and they said to let it go and just see she’s coming from a good place.
In the meantime I feel constantly invalidated and belittled. After the surgery and complications I just don’t have the energy to yell at her or put her in her place.
I’m recuperating from surgery and my grandmother and her guy friend offered to take me in. So when I say she’s toxic, let’s assume she’s toxic in an unintentional way, and it’s not intended as an insult.
My grandmother and I have almost opposite personalities. She likes to shoot the breeze, I don’t. Her way of dealing with difficult things is to pretend it isn’t happening and everything’ll be allright. My way is to listen to myself and find solutions.
Just after my surgery I had a hematoma (internal bleeding), which is dangerous. She said that it was nothing to be worried about. I said it was. I went back to the hospital for a second emergency procedure. Since then I have a hard time trusting her judgement.
She thinks I see everything in a super-negative light and am too easily freaked-out. Her solution is to tell me what I “should” do (I should think about things in a different way) and to tell me that my way of handling things basically sucks and that I’ll never get anywhere like that. I’m 30.
Some examples.
- I know my landlord has been in my room several times without my permission and without notice. I told my grandmother I was thinking about changing the locks. She yelled at me that that would be super stupid and that these people would hate me forever
- In the hospital I was feeling nauseous and unable to eat one more bite of gross, dripping hospital food.
- She yelled at me like you do at a small child, to eat my dinner, and kept yelling when I said no several times, making an ass out of me in front of staff (who went through the trouble of bringing dinner because of her yelling)
- When I had quite a worrisome amount of wound fluid oozing out of the wound, I told her I would inform the surgeon, and that a friend was my backup and would drive me back to the hospital in case of an emergency. She screamed at me that I’m faint of heart and always making a big deal out of nothing
- Today again I was worried because there seems to be another potential complication. I’m seeing the surgeon again tomorrow, but all in all the entire experience has been exhausting and I’m in a crappy place mentally. So I told her that I would withdraw a bit until I feel calm. I was not in a condition to sit down and have a nice long chat with them, so she yelled at me, accusing me of always walking away
I’m so sick and tired of her, her partner is a great guy and I never have problems with him. But no matter what I do, it’s “wrong” and I always “should” be something different in her book. When once I told her that her constant ranting is not very nice either, she went out of her way to defend herself, calling herself a concerned and cheerful person, and was SHOCKED that I dare say something about her.
My dad is just like this, I’m out of touch with him, but it’s apparent where he learned it (she’s his mom).
Not sure what to do. Reasoning with her never works, just makes it worse. I discussed it with other family members (all kids of hers) and they said to let it go and just see she’s coming from a good place.
In the meantime I feel constantly invalidated and belittled. After the surgery and complications I just don’t have the energy to yell at her or put her in her place.
