Dom Violence 16 Year Horrible Relationship - Left 2 Months Ago

[joeylittle]

Hey, @Unfoldwings - I wanted to comment on this:

I'm off to a counseling appointment now - anyone have any experience with EMGR therapy?

You can find lots of threads about EMDR in the Therapy forum - Therapy

You're right to wait on starting any specific trauma therapy until after the court date - it does (unfortunately) get a little worse before it gets better, usually.

 

[Beemo3780]

I've been there too, so I know what you are going through. I was also really young (in my last year of high school) and my ex was 25. I was from a quiet suburban neighborhood, and was really naive, and he lived in a bad part of the city and had a pattern of trying to pick up younger girls.

I can tell you that the first 6 months are the absolute worse, it does get better, but never let your guard down. I'm going on 6 years since I left my abusive ex-husband, and he still continues to be a problem. I even moved to a different state. If you have an order of protection, keep it on you at all times. Keep backup copies where you lives, and give copies to close friends and relatives, in case if anything ever happens, there will be something to show the police. What helped me most while I was going through the court process was I had an advocate with me whenever I had to go to court. She kept an eye on him and reported to the court if he tried anything, which he did. I also was able to call her whenever I needed advice, and she would steer me in the right direction. If you can, even have a friend go with you to court appearances.

Also, I suggest you get yourself into some kind of counseling right away. I found that the only way I was able to stand up for myself against my ex was when I had a lot of support and was working to heal all the damage he did. You need to be strong to be free.

 

[Unfoldwings]

Wanted to update you all - after he showed to my default custody hearing, he went back to Iowa. He got pulled over in some podunk county for traffic infractions, they towed his car, then extradited him to the county where he was on probation. They've since revoked his probation and gave him nearly 6 months in jail. Meanwhile I had another default custody hearing and was granted sole custody, established paternity, got child support, and supervised visits only if he applies. All best case scenarios.
Since he can't contact me due to the protection order, he sends my attorney a letter (nearly 3 months since the last assault I reported and since I left) - and it says 'I miss her, I love her, she's the love of my life, when I get out I'm going straight there' yada yada yada - No thought that I don't want contact with him even though the protection order is for 5 years. No thought that after 16 years of sheer torment that I want no contact. No thought that its not OK to punch me in the face while I'm breastfeeding. No thought that its not OK to knock me unconscious or to have choked me or to have repeatedly threatened my life and the lives of those I love. No thought that he negatively affected nearly every aspect of my life.
I am in a grieving state of anger at this point really. I wish I could get to a place where I have 'no thought' for him- I see he's going to stalk me for a long time coming.
Thank you to all who have had kind words of encouragement - my toddler and I are safe until February and at least for the moment I can breathe!

 

[Enaila]

Thank goodness his stupidity landed him in jail. I understand the fear. My brother-in-law, who threatened to kill me and also, I suspect was the drug provider for my ex who died, is back in the state pen. I feel safer with him in prison. While people say they doubt he would mess with me, my fearful feeling was real while he was loose.

While he is in jail, maybe additional charges will come up to keep him there longer. You now have some time to seek help for yourself, locate resources if they should be needed at a later date, and have a brief respite from the nightly/daily far off him.

Take some time for yourself. (((Hugs)))

 

[Steve65]

Thank you to all who have responded - I can see this forum will be a little silver lining to read p...

I have done EMDR!! It works great!!