2014 The Year Of Stressors :(

[Nighteyes]

Not sure how this is going to write out.

I truly thought things were on track to a better life, a better me. I had a really bad spell in 2010. Was hospitalized on a form (Canada) against my wishes. That coming from graduating college, gaining licensing in my field, having a kid and then not being able to find work, either over qualified for the jobs I used to do or under qualifies for the career I worked so hard to gain education for.

Anyway... After that I opened a business, closed a business and returned to education for another similar career as the one I have been fighting for, for years. Then begins 2014. It began with the most horrible event in my life, my support dog, my everything passed away. I didn't deal I distracted. Then my kid got real sick and was in intensive care for a while, again didn't deal just distracted myself. Then my other dog died, wasn't prepared for this. Started going numb like I do. Tried rescuing another dog, dog bite my child, child was in surgery for hours. Child almost died. Now I start to feel sick, and just not right.

Now the Hubby's been diagnosed with MS. Hes the bread winner, I'm a low life in school at age 30 despite having already gotten an education that was suppose to get me my dream career.

Now I can't sleep. I either eat all day or don't eat for days ( typically eat one day and then nothing for 3-4 days) I've stopped my running, stopped playing with my kid, just pretty much have become a lump. My mind doesn't stop. Never good thoughts. Always with ideas of how to end it all. Thoughts so dark and so convincing.

Add major stressor coming up... My birthday... Or should I say the worst mistake ever created. I am always tenes and down on holidays and majorly my birthday. Seriously why have a child you didn't want,, you didn't care to protect and you made sure tell them every chance you got! ( fyi not me to my kid... My "donors" to me). And you now have a spiral circling the drain of deep dark depression that i am sick of pulling out of. I am sick of fighting just to end up no where.

Those in my life would be so much better off if i just disappeared.

 

[Jane.l]

You have really been through some very tough times lately - you must be totally exhausted .

Sick kids are very scary - my son got very sick with pneumonia when he was 3 - you just feel so useless

You say you distracted rather than dealt with these things - are you in therapy at the moment ? - my no1 coping skill is avoidance and actually sometimes it's the only way to get through - it works - if only short term but sounds like you might be needing to deal with things now.

What happened with your dream career ? Just not the work out there ?

Sleep deprivation is going to be making everything else worse and making it hard to do things that might help - like running would be a great help in dealing with this crap but I guess you don't have the energy - tiredness can make you feel too sick to eat properly and also will be upping your depressive thoughts and anxiety - so maybe working on the sleep is the place to start ?

 

[risingsun]

I am so so sorry for all that you have had to deal with. You have made it through so much. I am sorry to hear about the loss of your dog. Mine died some months back and I did the same as you. I distracted. My dog was my everyday as well and I'm still so sad over it. I'm so so sorry about your husband's diagnosis as well. You do sound so exhausted. But never ever ever listen to a tired mind. It will turn on you.

Do not lose hope, though. You have been battling through too many events to give up now. Your family loves you and need you. As hard as it is right now, you need to try and take some time out to nourish you as it seems like you have been taking care of everyone else.

Things will turn around. Keep the Faith. You are never alone. The greater the problem, the greater the promise. You are needed here. You have a divine purpose, especially since you have been through so many emotional battlegrounds. You have been through all of that for a reason, a reason you may not have realized yet. But considering how much you have been through, it is obviously a pretty big purpose you are here. Your spirit has been strengthened by so many events. Never lose hope. Things will turn around in a beautiful way for you in your life. My prayers are with you. Warmest to you, Rising Sun.