Relationship 32 Years And I Finally Need To Ask For Help

[Shanleen]

Nothing. He won't write. He isn't comfortable with words. I did get the nerve up to ask him if he was leaving and he said he had no plans to. That's all but it is something.

I hate being like this. I feel physically sick to my stomach and have cramps and stuff. This may be no way to live but I see it as way better than the alternatives.

I wonder if he feel threatened because I took control of my life this past year. I have lost 97 pounds. I have been going to the gym 3 times a week. I look and feel better than I have in years. And then this.

He hadn't had an episonde in quite awhile and I forgot myself. I find this tensions so hard to deal with. It's even harder as his best buddy has moved in with us for a couple weeks. He has no trouble talking with him.

And yet, through everything I do love him. I know he hurts and I can't fix it. I wish with everything I have that I could. I wish so many things. I guess mostly I wish we wouldn't have wars and do this to each other.

 

[Rumors]

I am glad you love him and he is a very lucky guy that you do, BUT just love yourself more. Don't be his punching bag and it is his choice not to communicate. Be nice, be pleasant, be yourself, but don't be responsible for taking on ALL of his problems.

Stay strong and keep the faith. I hope he is in his room thinking about how to make some good choices for himself. Hang in there!

 

[anthony]

Then his buddy is possible a route in to him. Talk with him and get him to talk with your hubby... see how that goes.

 

[Shanleen]

I've tried that route and he won't talk to his buddy either.

I did get something out of him today. I told him if he kept on this way we may get to a point where we can't get back to where we were. Did he want that? He replied that he didn't know what he wanted but that the way things were obviously wasn't working so some changes had to be made and he was thinking about that.

sigh

 

[The Albatross]

Shanleen... I'm a sufferer and I've told my husband where the door is more times than I'd like to count. Don't feel too badly about that. Anthony's got a solid take on things. Me? I'd probably tell him keep the coffee pot and pick up another one from a thrift shop and maybe even gift him with a hot plate. (Yeah, I really would.)

The good thing is, he's ensconced in his room. The tough thing is his behaviors since he went off meds. He hasn't gone out the door, he is holing up. Silence and him still being at home is better than him being verbally abusive or actually leaving the home.

Hugs from me. And try to keep in mind that if he didn't ween off meds, but just stopped entirely... his brain chemistry is all over the place. Prayers for you gal.

 

[The Albatross]

Doubled back... post its. I might stick post its on his door. And put a pen and a post it pack on the floor.

You can't put very much on a post it. Even if it's a heart shape, or a reassurance, or a note about when you'll be back to the house. It's worth a shot and can't make things too terribly worse.

 

[Rumors]

Really sorry! Sounds tough but just remember to take care of yourself. Often times I have found that when I am in the grips of a stressful situation I may not be making the best choices. When I am away from them, or enough time has passed, I sometimes decide I really don't want to be in that relationship because it isn't healthy. Give YOURSELF some time to figure out what YOU need. It may surprise you what you find out about yourself once you finally put YOU up as the priority and not him. You can't fix him but you don't have to break yourself in the process of trying to wait on him to make the right choice!

Best wishes!

 

[Shanleen]

A full week today. In this week I have gone from outraged, sad, scared, mad, angry, unhappy, tearful and reflective. Along with all the excess acid and adrenaline!

I don't even know for certain what I want anymore. I don't want to live like this. All I've ever wanted is to be loved and to love someone. He won't allow me to love him and he can't/won't show his love for me. If there is any left.

I have never felt so burdened, alone and lost. Even God seems very far away right now.

 

[Shanleen]

Well, I guess it's over. Today he informed me he didn't like me anymore and wanted out before it turned to hate. Big HA!

So, now I am ( or will be ) destitute. His only income is 3k from VA for disability and regular SS disability. Does anyone out there know if I can sue for spousal maint. from those funds?

I really am desperate!

 

[The Albatross]

Worth a consultation (which is usually free for for a minimal amount). So very sad to hear this for you except, he (in my opinion) is projecting - "before it turns to hate". If it was me, I would have a serious sit down with his thinking processes here... hate isn't really the worst offender to relationships... ambivalence is. He is selling himself self protective pap. I would call bullshit on him.

 

[anthony]

Sorry to hear.

Does anyone out there know if I can sue for spousal maint. from those funds?

I think this question is better discussed on a legal forum... as you need legal advice for your location.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

In the states there are a variety of programs to help you out if your income falls below certain guidelines. This varies from state to state, so I advise you to look into services in your state. (ie Social Services, etc)