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Sexual Assault :'(

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lilstar

MyPTSD Pro
Today I've wanted to give up so much, these flashback are taking over and I'm losing control.
I've had so many thoughts of SH'ing I'm scared I'll give in. I hate this and really can't take much more :'(
 
What has stopped you from self harm until now? Did you talk to you therapist about the flashbacks?
 
I havent SD'ed in over a year, its been tough but I managed it. Todays just been far to much, I have a b***e in front of me and its becoming more tempting. Anything for that feeling of release.
 
Please answer me, lilstar. And while you are talking, please get rid of the temptations.
 
I know what I'm doing right now might seem cruel. I know you probably don't want to face your fears right now. But you need to. And you need to find the answers that keep you from harming yourself. And the answers lie in you. You only.
 
You let yourself down. But you won't anymore. Because now you are stronger than you you used to be. Now you have made steps towards recovery and steps towards yourself. Keep that in mind. That is progress. That is something that other people don't do. Coming out of the darkness is not easy. But keep looking into the light. Don't look back and don't let yourself get scared. Even if it gets worse it will get better. If you allow yourself to fall into temptation now you will have to start allover. You don't want that, do you? You want progress. Hang on to that progress. Congratulate yourself, reward yourself and hold on. Yes, we all get scared and wish things were easier. Unfortunately they aren't. But the thought that keeps me going is that pain is inevitable. But prolonging it lays within us. If we take a step forward then two backwards, we just make it worse for ourselves. Giving into SH is a huge step backwards. What good does it do? What are the after effects? Do you want those after effects?
 
I don't want to feel like that again really I don't, it like an itch that needs scratching, I can feel where it needs to be done, its the worst niggling feeling eva.
 
Then scratch it. Literally scratch it.
What do you enjoy doing beside playing with your nephew?
And another answer you didn't give me: have you talked to your T about the flashbacks?
 
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