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Muttly
Diamond Member
thank you @Naoru and @Junebug for the thoughts :)
@Junebug hugs if that's ok. I've felt that way after making a post. Hang in there, the awful feelings will pass
1. No surgery!!! :D :D :D I will be in the splint for another month full time and probably longer at work,
2. I may be sick though
3. I started to think, I must want to feel awful or be a hypochondriac or something since things keep going wrong, but then I remembered the conversation I had with my therapist last session. I did say that to her. It's not the first time I have said things like that to her. She got all serious and stuff (heh, it's ok, we've been together long we understand each other) and asked me if, when good things happen to me do I say "I must want this". And no, I never do. I figure if good stuff happens it's mostly luck and maybe sometimes combined with hard work. If bad things happen it's what I deserve and must be what I secretly want. Put like that, I can see the distortion
4. What I really want to do is go back to bed. The dreams were pretty crap though, I'm actually kind of tempted but I'm not sure it's worth it
5. Today's positive coping goal.... hmm... having troubles coming up with one.... humor is always a good one
@Junebug hugs if that's ok. I've felt that way after making a post. Hang in there, the awful feelings will pass
1. No surgery!!! :D :D :D I will be in the splint for another month full time and probably longer at work,
2. I may be sick though
3. I started to think, I must want to feel awful or be a hypochondriac or something since things keep going wrong, but then I remembered the conversation I had with my therapist last session. I did say that to her. It's not the first time I have said things like that to her. She got all serious and stuff (heh, it's ok, we've been together long we understand each other) and asked me if, when good things happen to me do I say "I must want this". And no, I never do. I figure if good stuff happens it's mostly luck and maybe sometimes combined with hard work. If bad things happen it's what I deserve and must be what I secretly want. Put like that, I can see the distortion
4. What I really want to do is go back to bed. The dreams were pretty crap though, I'm actually kind of tempted but I'm not sure it's worth it
5. Today's positive coping goal.... hmm... having troubles coming up with one.... humor is always a good one
OIF/OEF Chucky
New Here
1) Why an i angry randomly?
2) How long til i find something to do?
3) Slight tension in the air.
4) Why Did my wife really tell me about this site?
5) I Just want to be happy
Heather
Diamond Member
My apartment f'ing stinks...again
Can't wait til lease is up
Have calls to make tomorrow
Today was busy
Today was long
Can't wait til lease is up
Have calls to make tomorrow
Today was busy
Today was long
Lionheart
Not Active
Time seems like an illusion.
life is so very fragile.
so much to be grateful for.
I miss my mom (and dad).
I wish I could fly.
life is so very fragile.
so much to be grateful for.
I miss my mom (and dad).
I wish I could fly.
1. Thank you @Naoru , hugs to you too :hug::hug::hug: .
2. Well, just about got hit by a car this morning, not my fault this time, speeding (about 70 km) through a crosswalk, 2nd lane, i was obscurred by a school bus that had stopped for me, I ws hurrying for the school bus, I stopped or she would have hit me square, missed me by about 5 feet. She was about 60, reminded me of running late, and had a look of sheer horror on her face but it was too late, by the time she braked with ice also she was way through. It must have shook her up because she pulled over and stopped up the road. Didn't think to check on her til now. :(
3. Thought it didn't bother me, though got to church had GI's issues. Tried to pull it together, realized they took away the angel on the tree there. :cry: Though I expected it. Then, I see a sign for Family Valentine's Day Dance; OMG,I love Valentine's Day, and they go and add the F word. :( Then I see the sign repeated. :wtf: Then I go to light a candle, no flicker. :(
4. Really weird day, tried to add calls extra to extra shift today I turned down extra- was hoping she'd find a replacement not add more, and heavy calls; I am sick; bumped in to guy I went out with years ago , very good looking but he couldn't have been weirder; met really nice person who gave me twice of what I paid for; was uncharacteristically stingy (previously in the morning, for me) when some stranger asked me for $. :( :tdown: And there were more weird things.., like some guy starts chatting away with me, I know I don't know him, tried to stop me from getting the bus. I get the bus, it's late, driver (who I also definitely do not know) walks to the back to talk to me :(
5. Come to the conclusion there was no gratitude not getting hit, and also feel like an as*hole. Also feel I shouldn't go to that church, obviously.
6. Thought, childhood neglect etc translates in to avoidance, not reaching out. Since there was no protection, and there won't be. Explains why I abhor reaching out or after; to family, friends, contractors- you name it.
7. While swirling around making sense of childhood boundary troubles & enmeshment(?), saw video of guy with ptsd with his 'kid' (turned out to be older ), interaction seemed frought with the same, but he said his kid was what helped him not kill himself. Ugh. :(
8. OMG sorry for rant. :( :meh:
2. Well, just about got hit by a car this morning, not my fault this time, speeding (about 70 km) through a crosswalk, 2nd lane, i was obscurred by a school bus that had stopped for me, I ws hurrying for the school bus, I stopped or she would have hit me square, missed me by about 5 feet. She was about 60, reminded me of running late, and had a look of sheer horror on her face but it was too late, by the time she braked with ice also she was way through. It must have shook her up because she pulled over and stopped up the road. Didn't think to check on her til now. :(
3. Thought it didn't bother me, though got to church had GI's issues. Tried to pull it together, realized they took away the angel on the tree there. :cry: Though I expected it. Then, I see a sign for Family Valentine's Day Dance; OMG,I love Valentine's Day, and they go and add the F word. :( Then I see the sign repeated. :wtf: Then I go to light a candle, no flicker. :(
4. Really weird day, tried to add calls extra to extra shift today I turned down extra- was hoping she'd find a replacement not add more, and heavy calls; I am sick; bumped in to guy I went out with years ago , very good looking but he couldn't have been weirder; met really nice person who gave me twice of what I paid for; was uncharacteristically stingy (previously in the morning, for me) when some stranger asked me for $. :( :tdown: And there were more weird things.., like some guy starts chatting away with me, I know I don't know him, tried to stop me from getting the bus. I get the bus, it's late, driver (who I also definitely do not know) walks to the back to talk to me :(
5. Come to the conclusion there was no gratitude not getting hit, and also feel like an as*hole. Also feel I shouldn't go to that church, obviously.
6. Thought, childhood neglect etc translates in to avoidance, not reaching out. Since there was no protection, and there won't be. Explains why I abhor reaching out or after; to family, friends, contractors- you name it.
7. While swirling around making sense of childhood boundary troubles & enmeshment(?), saw video of guy with ptsd with his 'kid' (turned out to be older ), interaction seemed frought with the same, but he said his kid was what helped him not kill himself. Ugh. :(
8. OMG sorry for rant. :( :meh:
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