Relationship A Good Man, In A Bad Situation.

[Sev7]

I need advice, and it's impossible to find the advice I need from anywhere else.

I do have my own demons, but I don't think I have PTSD. Not like most here. I suffer from mostly derealization, chemical unbalances, and a few other things.

I'm the type of person who would sell my soul if it meant I would never have to see someone I love hurt again. I'd burn in hell with a smile. I am the most genuine, and selfless person I know. So selfless that I've learned now(I'm 28) that I realize it's become a character flaw. I will never become a better me if everyone else is always first.

Anyways, I've recently ended a relationship two months ago of three years, with someone who suffers from a list of issues - mainly PTSD, Depression, and Anxiety. Just to list a few.

For those first two years, we were a perfect couple. We had some issues but we always worked it out... We never had anything anyone would consider a big problem for 95% of the relationship.

The last few months were a little rough. However everything ended up smashing to pieces within a day.

It started because I could feel we were slipping a bit. I'm a laid back person except when it comes to relationships... If I see a kink - I try to fix it... It's one of the reasons my relationships always go on for so long.

She would only sleep, eat, and work. Then watch TV, or go on her phone all day.

I was getting tired of picking up her mess and us not spending quality time. So I started trying to get her to do it. It wasn't working, so I started being a bit more insistent. (Mistake number one.)

In the past - I would always have to lean on her a bit to get the truth out when something was bothering her. I may not be emotionally sensitive myself, but I'm extremely sensitive to others. I could always tell when something was bothering her... So I would push for answers, she would finally admit to things. It would be something ridiculous, and we would make up and have smooth sailing until the next problem.

I would always think the problem was worse then it actually was. So maybe my attempts to fix things ended up becoming a "self fulfilling prophecy".

Well near the end she kept denying that the problem was "us". It was always something else. However I knew it had to be something to do with me. So I did the whole, "let's break up with her to test her, since she's not admitting anything". (Mistake number two).

So I told her, and we talked a lot. She ended up calling her grandma, because she needed advice... Her grandma said I'm one in a million, that the problems we have can be fixed. My ex agreed. We worked it out, and promised each other we will start doing a bit more to the relationship: I was happy, she was happy. Everything looked great when I passed out that night...

That was the last night I spent with the girl I will always love and look out for.

I woke up, and everything was different. She was cold, callous, and her demeanor was passively hostile. I have no idea what happened between the time we talked and the next morning.

I went on my week for a bit. Thinking she was having bad days... But nothing changed - it was only getting worse. The girl I knew was completely gone.

I realized we weren't slipping anymore. We were falling towards rock bottom, quickly. So my heart went into panic mode, and my mind into defense mode.(Mistake number three)

Those next few weeks I spent every second trying to get her to open up. To tell me what I did, wrong. And why she emotionally shut down... She would just tell me she didn't know, that she doesn't hate me.

What's worse is she started confusing my boundaries with controlling behavior. She also started breaking promises. She started doing things knowing they would hurt me.

So the relationship went from a few problems to very toxic very quickly. By this point I was exhausted. So I kicked her out of the house, knowing she had more than enough to take care of herself... The night before she left to the hotel it never occurred to her that I would. Partly because how good I was to her. So I'm sure it was a slap in the face when I did.

While she was gone I still tried to get her to open up until I realized I was just making the situation worse. So I reacted, and started getting angry. She would text me only things she was doing but not things she was thinking. She kept having ridiculous requests that would drive me nuts. (Like selling drugs for her).

So I know I reacted like an ass for a while. Its hard for me to swallow that the girl I knew was gone for a while. That I couldn't reach her.

Now she seems to be drowning wether she knows it or not. She's doing everything she did back when she first got her PTSD. When she left - she wanted to do better for herself as an adult. However all she's doing it seems is partying, drinking, and having fun.

I've been trying to have her come and grab her stuff. Because it's all in this house, and it's hard to move on when everything is here.

However she says she has no time and is busy. But she's only busy avoiding anything serious. She has been avoiding everything related to me. Two months later and I still can't get her to talk about what to do with our stuff, and cat!

As good of a person I am - I can be a real dick when I feel betrayed... I don't want to be like that, and so I told her once she gets everything I will be dead to her. It's so I don't hurt her anymore. Since I keep triggering her problems, and we lost pretty much everything that made us great.

I do feel guilty about it though now. I realized I pushed her into shutting down. That she's coping the only way she knows how... That I've been basically doing everything under the pretense she's normal. Which was exactly the wrong way to act.

Now she's drowning, and I honestly can't watch anymore. I've seen it happen too many times in the past. I can't see an other loved one go like that. I had to bury my father, fiancé, two good friends; and recently my grandpa. Whos head was shattered and who's blood I had to clean off, basically. I cannot handle burying anyone else any time soon. My loved ones and their well being is 100% my only concern in life.

I thought she hated me, because of the way she acted. She was filled with content at one point. Now after my head is clear I'm not so sure where the PTSD starts and her character begins. This whole time I assumed she's been a heartless bitch.

I can't be friends with her. She isn't a good friend. Or good GF for that matter but I loved her anyway. I don't think she has the ability to forgive people even when she knows she should.

So my question is... Am I wrong for cutting her out of my life? Could that be the reason why she isn't getting her things? If I can't fix this situation, then what can I do to minimize damages? And why can she talk to anyone else, but not me?

I just wanted answers from her after she left. Now I just wish she would get her stuff and stop taking it out on my family. They've done a lot for her and she can't even say hi.

Anyways I tried being nice and sweet. Mean and angry. Now I'm just apathetic. It's stunning how fast it changed.

I'm moving on with or without her. I had to stand my ground and I couldn't let her cross certain lines.

It's just such a tragedy. We were the type of couple who could tell each other everything. Love was the one issue we never had. I can't believe it all ended so quickly.

The day I became too important to her to lose was the day we lost everything we had. That was the day she was too afraid to be herself, and that was the beginning of the end.

Isn't it ironic?

 

[scout86]

You said you were looking for advice, but I'm not real clear on what advice you're actually looking for. So I'm going to make a couple observations.

In the past - I would always have to lean on her a bit to get the truth out when something was bothering her.

Has it ever crossed your mind that when someone says they don't want to talk about something they might actually mean it? And maybe, after a period of time, they might even get sick of being badgered into talking? You INVITE someone to confide in you, you don't coerce them. If they don't want to talk and you don't want them to not talk, it might be a sign that you're not the right combination of people.

she would finally admit to things. It would be something ridiculous,

Yeah, I'd really want to confide in someone who then told me they thought my concerns were "ridiculous". Can you see where that might be a problem, from her point of view?

So I did the whole, "let's break up with her to test her, since she's not admitting anything"

People actually DO this and think in might have a good outcome? (Yeah, you said you now realize it was a mistake. I'm just kind of surprised to learn that someone might think of that as "something that would work".)

So I kicked her out of the house,

Ummmmm. So, you own the house and she was more or less just a guest? Even if that's the case, kind of hard to come back from there, as far as I can see. How can you trust someone who's going to do that? Not a "safe" relationship, if you're at all interested in "safety".

Now she seems to be drowning wether she knows it or not. She's doing everything she did back when she first got her PTSD. When she left - she wanted to do better for herself as an adult. However all she's doing it seems is partying, drinking, and having fun.

It's her life, she has every right to live it however she wants and to make any and all bad choices she wants. For that matter, she's under no obligation to see "good and bad" the same way you do either.

I honestly can't watch anymore.

Then don't watch!

Am I wrong for cutting her out of my life?

No

Could that be the reason why she isn't getting her things?

Not likely. It's more likely that she doesn't want to see you. If you could arrange for her to get the stuff without a direct encounter with you, she might be more open to the idea.

then what can I do to minimize damages?

Go on with your life and let her go on with hers.

And why can she talk to anyone else, but not me?

Might have something to do with you badgering her unmercifully then throwing her out of the house? I know I wouldn't be in any great hurry to talk to an ex bf who threw me out of the house......

We were the type of couple who could tell each other everything

You very clearly said you had to "lean on her" to get her to tell you what she was thinking.

The day I became too important to her to lose was the day we lost everything we had. That was the day she was too afraid to be herself, and that was the beginning of the end.

If you were actually too important to her to lose, I rather suspect she'd have found an excuse to forgive you. Things tend to work that way, whether it's a good idea or not. I think it's a lot more likely that YOU crossed a boundary for HER that SHE isn't willing to back down from. At least in her opinion. We all have our own road maps of reality. They are not all the same. None of them actually ARE reality, they are just road maps, more or less accurate.

 

[Queen Boudica]

Oh Good @scout86 you wrote what I was thinking too. Basically this looks like issues of major control here. Leave her alone. Agreed let her get her stuff, in fact. I'd just pack her stuff and pass it on to relatives where she can collect it safely. Yep reading that just struck me as control, control, control on your side very much so @Sev7.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I don't understand what you're looking for, either.

Box up her stuff and take it to a relative's house, including the cat. If this isn't possible, box up everything and give her a deadline to retrieve here stuff, and make sure that you keep the documentation showing that you have indeed notified her. (ie texts, emails, etc) If she doesn't pick it up, its time to take it all to the nearest donation center, ie Goodwill or the like, and the cat either goes to the pound or you put an ad in the paper for it to go to a good home.

She's essentially holding you hostage by not getting her stuff. At this point, its ABANDONMENT and you aren't legally obligated to hold on to it. Sort of like eviction, right? Or not paying your monthly bill on a storage unit.

 

[Friday]

You're being a control freak. Stop trying to manipulate her into doing what your want. You're no longer dating, you have absolutely no say in how she lives her life, anymore. Box up her stuff if you're staying (drop it off at a relatives or a storage unit), or box up yours if you're going. Finis. You're making this 10,000 times more complicated than it needs to be.

 

[Sev7]

Phew! Tough crowd. I listed all the bad things I did through out the relationship. Not what she did. As far as I'm concerned it doesn't matter what she did wrong, and I don't want to list every bad thing she's done.

No one who knows the full story disagrees with my decisions.



I am in no way controlling. Ive never stopped her from going out, or seeing a nyone. Ever. I've encouraged her to, through out the relationship. At some points we would even spend too much time together.

I've never asked this girl for anything but normal relationship requests.

We both agreed to be completely honest. If she told me "I don't want to talk". I wouldn't. She never did. Ever. Even now. She never told me, "I don't want to see you". Or anything like that. Every time she said, "I want this" - I would accept it. Every single time.

So when I said "push for answers". I'd say. "Hey are you sure you're okay? Lately you've been like, "X", and "Z". Whats the matter?". Except last year when she cheated on me.

I kicked her out of the house because she was trying to hurt me intentionally and doing drugs around my nephew. Selling drugs by the end. Being selfish. She paid very little rent and had free cooking, cleaning, and utilities. Everything we did here I will have to pay back eventually.

More importantly I kicked her out because the relationship became toxic. I was in panic mode, and she was in flight mode.

It's not like I didn't try. We made a list of things we could do and couldn't. These were mutual agreements. She agreed and then broke them. I would've let her live there for a few months if we both did what we said we were going to do.

The worse thing I know I did wrong? Was the few text insults a few weeks ago. And yes - asking me to sell drugs for her after we broke up is ridiculous. When we lived together in our apartment I brought it up - she tore me a new one.

I treated this girl like a queen for years. I feel bad I let the worse of me come out that night while drinking. I wanted answers to why she couldn't get her stuff. Why she felt the need to lie. And why she was being shitty to everyone we knew together all of a sudden.

So it you guys think honesty, mutual agreements, and boundaries are "controlling behavior". Then we have to disagree on what a relationship is. Either way you shouldn't be jumping to conclusions.

You are correct - we now don't have a relationship. She can do what her heart wants. I never said anything about changing it, did I? Don't put words in my mouth.(Above poster) I could say you're less then intelligent because your reading comprehension is lacking and you're too close to this subject to give advice. Couldn't I? Seeing that we live in an other state now and she has no friends or relatives here. Just co-workers. So next time think before you post. Life isn't so black and white. If I need a simpletons advice I'll make sure I message you privately. Thanks.

I just stared she was repeating her past and seems like she's drowning.

At first I wanted her to grab her stuff so we both can move on. Every time I ask for details from her on who gets what and if she can take care of her cat. She replies like, "I'm out and drinking, having fun how are you".

Sure I could be a total asshole and take it or leave it outside, Great advice! That's exactly what people told me to do. Everyone said she deserves it, but guess what? I DONT want to be anymore of a prick... Wether she deserves it or not is something I'm trying to figure out with you guys.

She doesn't forgive or forget. Anything from anyone. Thats a character flaw of hers. She knows it... I'm sure every little slight or bad thing I did ended up building up...

This is my advice I need.

She's naive, very gullible, and very vulnerable. She's the type of person who gets used and abused by guys everywhere. It's her choice now, I understand. We moved to a NJ with my family so I could help them and better both of us. She also does not want to go home. (Again her choice.)

She actually does want me in her life... It was me who kept saying no, because of how she acted. I've been having second thoughts on it.

I don't know anymore if she was a bad person acting good with me. Or a good person acting bad now. I can put my feelings for her aside, and do what's best. Even if it's just to keep the door cracked just in case something very bad happens.

Is it possible PTSD is just bringing out the worse in her? Do you guys act like when a harsh break up happens"? How? I'm looking for personal stories on what could be causing this shift in her. I can tell you she doesn't know why herself.

I have a feeling she's acting out in response to me. Just like I've been reacting badly as a response to her. We are both human and make mistakes. We just handle them differently.

I'm not looking for a relationship anymore. This is no longer my intention in helping her. The honest reason is? She has no one here that truly knows her. She's never had anyone who knew her for her. She's always been vulnerable, alone, and lost. I don't want to abandon her, just because we fell out as lovers.

I've always been really kind, gentle, and patient. Im willing to be that way again but I need a reason to overlook everything... Ive never seen her like this in three years. She literally snapped in a day, and that's the biggest shock. Not just to me, but just everyone who actually knows her. All those people abandoned her in a second, and I think it's f*cked up. I was hoping someone else would be there if I wasnt.

So yes I've realized I've been an asshole and made mistakes. At least I can admit them. What about the last two posters? What are your reasons for being one online?

 

[scout86]

We DO only have the information you provided, true. That's most likely not enough to accurately understand the situation.

I am in no way controlling.

You know, I've met a fair number of "controlling" people in my life. Not ONE of them has ever said, "Oh, now that you mention it, maybe I DO have some control issues." I'm sure there's an exception out there somewhere and I wouldn't expect someone who's NOT controlling to say that they are. I would, however, expect that someone who asks for advice might at least consider the possibility that something could seem one way to him and different to others.

s it possible PTSD is just bringing out the worse in her?

Yes.

Do you guys act like when a harsh break up happens"?

I'm not sure how you define "harsh". Personally, I have a tendency to ignore stuff until I can't. There were a few incidents with my ex-husband where I said, "If you think I want to live with this (his behavior) the rest of my life, you're wrong." I wasn't kidding. One day he picked a fight, I decided "I'm not going down this road one more time." and I didn't. End of story. I picked up my stuff, but when he wasn't home. I hit the road and never looked back.

(Above poster)

Not sure which one of us you're talking about here. The description doesn't seem to fit.

What about the last two posters?

I kind of thought ONE of the last 2 posters was pretty much on your side, but I think they were both giving honest answers to your questions, as best they could. Myself? I try not to ask questions I might not want to hear the answer to.

 

[anthony]

I would ask people who have PTSD and trauma, to be careful responding to a supporter with backlash, and especially a male one.

This is a supporter area first and foremost, he has written in the correct area, and having those with trauma outline harsh behaviour or such, is utter nonsense and projection at a rough guess due to being male and not a female supporter.

Women are a majority in this community who have PTSD... funnily enough, also supporters, which means there are a lot of males putting up with a lot of PTSD bullshit, ironically, also males who abused women to begin with. Males are not the enemy.

Think about that please before you respond with criticism. When in doubt, ask. Please check bias at the door.

 

[joeylittle]

Hi, @Sev7 - I might have a different take on this than some others do; I'm also a PTSD sufferer.

I started being a bit more insistent. (Mistake number one.)

So I did the whole, "let's break up with her to test her, since she's not admitting anything". (Mistake number two).

We worked it out, and promised each other we will start doing a bit more to the relationship: I was happy, she was happy...I woke up, and everything was different. She was cold, callous, and her demeanor was passively hostile. I have no idea what happened between the time we talked and the next morning.

I don't know if being insistent was a mistake. I think breaking up with her as a tactic was a big mistake - ('lets break up with her to test her') - that is just dishonest and manipulative. You say that when you both went to bed that night she was happy, but I'm going to guess that you are wrong. Whatever she was, it wasn't 'happy'.

I do feel guilty about it though now. I realized I pushed her into shutting down. That she's coping the only way she knows how... That I've been basically doing everything under the pretense she's normal. Which was exactly the wrong way to act.

Well, mostly yes - I'm sorry you feel guilty, because that is never a good way to feel. But when you say 'under the pretense that she's normal', does this include that normal people can be broken up with, told by their grandmother that they were the ones who screwed up, beg for the relationship back, and then be A-OK? Honestly, that's the bit that I don't think anyone would ultimately make it through. And I think it indicates a deeper level of miscommunication going on between you for possibly a long time before - I don't know if you say how long you were together, but you did say that this pattern of 'you push, eventually she talks' was an old one, and that's a mutual pattern (her as much as you) that was bound to be problematic eventually, regardless of any mental health issue - does that make sense?

This whole time I assumed she's been a heartless bitch.

Wow. But I can understand that, given how extreme her behavior moved into the other direction - bringing drugs around your nephew isn't an acceptable thing, and it sounds like she caused you a great deal of pain. I guess, my point is, if you spent a substantial amount of time thinking she was a heartless bitch, you really did engender negativity towards this woman, and you would both be better off letting go of any attempt at contact.

And why can she talk to anyone else, but not me?

Because you are in the middle of a lot of it, and that makes you the hardest person to talk to. It will be the same reason why she never thought she could talk to you in the first place, back before you broke up. But you aren't responsible for this, it's on her.

We were the type of couple who could tell each other everything.

No. You thought you were. This is the one area I can say I'm a little bit of an expert in. It's absolutely possible for one person in a relationship (man or woman) to lead the other to believe that the relationship is totally transparent. I think it happens when one partner is more confident and/or dominant, and the other is insecure and/or avoidant. I am not saying dominance is bad - only that the pattern of not saying what you really think because you are afraid they will take it badly - that pattern gets set up early, and can even be comfortable for a long time (it was in my relationship) - until a series of things add up to it becoming a problem, and then one incident will push it over the edge.

The day I became too important to her to lose was the day we lost everything we had. That was the day she was too afraid to be herself, and that was the beginning of the end.

No, I don't think so. When you say 'too afraid to be herself', it sounds like you are saying that her illness is in some way about her denying her 'real feelings'. The illness is the real feelings, as dysfunctional as they may be. And also, I think only a small portion of this is ultimately about YOU - your actions might have been the catalyst, but you are not the subject.

Is it possible PTSD is just bringing out the worse in her? Do you guys act like when a harsh break up happens"? How? I'm looking for personal stories on what could be causing this shift in her. I can tell you she doesn't know why herself.

What I can tell you is that my ex did not see it coming at all, after 10 years. But I had seen it coming for five or six years. And I had attempted to have conversations about it, but a combination of his response and my fear just made those not go anywhere. The shift doesn't happen overnight. A whole lot of things change over time, and then there's a catalyst.

She literally snapped in a day, and that's the biggest shock. Not just to me, but just everyone who actually knows her.

They don't really know her, and they don't know what happened. But my big point is, it wasn't in a day. It was probably a long, long time coming. It was just hidden.

I think that would be the most frustrating and painful thing about being in your position - any one who goes through this, really - is that there's so much that can be below the surface that you never got a chance to understand. Kind of like the iceberg and the Titanic. And in the end, no-one ends up OK with it. But hopefully you can come to a place where you can accept that you just didn't know each other as well as you thought - and that the next time around, the communication will be different.

ETA:

This is a supporter area first and foremost, he has written in the correct area, and having those with trauma outline harsh behaviour or such, is utter nonsense and projection at a rough guess.

For anyone who posted earlier on the thread, I had just moved this into the Supporter Area (where it belongs) right prior to @anthony's post, above.

 

[Queen Boudica]

For anyone who posted earlier on the thread, I had just moved this into the Supporter Area (where it belongs) right prior to @anthony's post, above.

Ok good because, that is what I was confused about, I didn't reply I thought to a supporter, I didn't realise it was his ex that had PTSD but I couldn't figure out why he was saying he didn't have PTSD but was on here. So now that explains it.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Well, everyone here KNOWS i am a straight shooter. And TBH, the response I gave here in this thread wasn't even hard hitting! It was just flat out advising someone to set up boundaries. But now I am being attacked for why I am here online? OP, read the forum, and read it well. We are straight shooters here. We tell it how it is. I stand by what I said because I wasn't being mean, I was telling you to SET BOUNDARIES which you very clearly are not doing. Setting boundaries is one of THE top things you can do for a sufferer. Everyone who has replied here on your thread has experienced it all from the inside. I've interacted with everyone on this thread over the years, and I can honestly say that they know what they're dealing with from an insiders perspective. You don't say what you want, but then get reactive when we tell you our side of view, from a sufferer's perspective? Odd to say the least. {you posted in the sufferer's section, so that's why you got sufferer's responses. I responded as such. And yes, many supporters post in the sufferers section to get a sufferers point of view, so yes, we will be a little more straight shooting in that section.}

At first I wanted her to grab her stuff so we both can move on. Every time I ask for details from her on who gets what and if she can take care of her cat. She replies like, "I'm out and drinking, having fun how are you".

So you don't want her to grab her stuff. OK, it would have been nice to know that from the beginning......but you made us guess what you wanted, and then jumped on us for not being able to be mind readers. Please, if you want something, ASK for it. We only respond to what we see! If you want XYZ, say "I want XYZ" and you will get it. Making a rambling post with no point will get you answers all over the board.

Sure I could be a total asshole and take it or leave it outside, Great advice! That's exactly what people told me to do. Everyone said she deserves it, but guess what? I DONT want to be anymore of a prick... Wether she deserves it or not is something I'm trying to figure out with you guys.

Yes, great advice. Don't take this the wrong way, but I have the idea that you're the "nice guy" type who thinks that being a "nice guy" 24/7 will get you everywhere. Where did it get you this time? Yeah, you now have a woman who walks all over you because you don't set reasonable and firm boundaries. I am a lifetime sufferer and some of the best things people have done for me have been hard hitting, setting FIRM boundaries and not being "nice" to me. If I had been coddled 24/7, I'd still be in and out of mental hospitals. So please don't assume that being a "nice guy" is what she needs. Being loving, caring and supportive, yes, but allowing her to do whatever she wants whenever she wants is NOT helpful to ANY sufferer. READ the forum. Maybe she needs to hit rock bottom before getting help. Do you know what rock bottom is? Its potentially/actually losing everything/almost everything. In my case, that was almost dying. In many other cases, it means people lose everyone around them, or all of their possessions, and so on. My point is that being "nice" to her and telling her you will always be there for her does not set up firm boundaries, it prevents her from hitting bottom (which is something she may NEED in order to have the "its time to get better" wake up call!)

Is it possible PTSD is just bringing out the worse in her?

Maybe. Or she might just be a wretched person with a rotten core. There's no way we can tell you what's what.

I've always been really kind, gentle, and patient.

And again, you *think* this is the best thing for her, but you really should re-examine your assumptions. MANY things dealing with this disorder go against what the perceived "norm" is in society. And I can tell you right now, that always being kind, gentle, and patient with a sufferer may get you (and them) nowhere. Why? We sometimes NEED the hard hitting stuff. We NEED to have firm boundaries, even if the consequences are hell. I'm not saying to be cruel, but what I am saying is that love comes in different forms. Sometimes tough love is the best thing you can do for someone because sometimes people need to hit rock bottom before they realize they need help.

So yes I've realized I've been an asshole and made mistakes. At least I can admit them. What about the last two posters? What are your reasons for being one online?

Wow, really? FridayJones has been here awhile and has helped a LOT of people! I've been here awhile, too, and I know I've helped others. This is snarky and nasty, to say the least. A new person coming on here and being nasty to two people who have over 10K posts between them?

 

[Deleted member 27524]

FridayJones has been here awhile and has helped a LOT of people! I've been here awhile, too, and I know I've helped others.

Coming into a forum and posting in any section you are going to get many views. Some maybe agree with you and some may not however thats what makes the world go round is we all have a different view of things. @Sev7 You didn't like the opinions expressed by some members and that's okay your entitled to that but to flat out insult those who are giving you their opinion WHICH YOU ASKED FOR is ridiculous and disrespectful!

I am a supporter as well and both of these individuals have given me their take on my situation with my sufferer and I try to take it and use it constructively to bettering my relationship or maybe even seeing things from a sufferers point of view. Never once have I thought "well their just being a$$holes and attacking me." I came here, asked questions and got many views. What I choose to do with those is on me. However if you want everything just sugar coated for you then I am sorry I don't think your simply going to get that. If you don't agree with their advice then don't take it but good news is it was free and didn't cost you a dime but please don't be so disrespectful.