I am the wife of a ptsd sufferer.It all came to a head last October and our lives have been turned upside down.My husband has been in and out of hospital since then having intensive therapy.In hindsight my he had ptsd since the day we met and our relationship has always been tumultuous.After being diagnosed all the pieces fell into place- the lack of emotion,compassion,anger issues,inability to connect,times when he just wouldn't talk and endless arguments over trivial things.I was always pushing for closeness and answers to what he was feeling.Like you I have always thought of myself as being selfless and giving my all to everyone at my own expense.Controlling?absolutely not!until it all got so much for me I went to a private hospital for therapy for anxiety and depression trying to cope with his illness.I have learnt so much about myself and how I perceive situations,I was told I was co-dependant and along with that comes a hidden form of control.We are good people trying to help and with the very best of intentions but beneath it all unbeknownst to us is the fear of abandonment.They went on to explain that we want people to feel that they could not live without us because we are so selfless and give all we have to others,so why wouldn't they think we're the best thing that ever happened to them?I never thought that my actions were anything else but a genuine reason to want to help,but I realized that deep down I had no self love and was trying to find it any way I could to the detriment of myself.I wound up so exhausted and crushed because I didn't feel worthy of looking out for my own needs and boundaries.
Between my husband and I and lots of therapy things are looking up but will always be a working progress.He has a lifelong illness that is all consuming and we are both putting in the hard work of chipping away at it and understanding each other and respecting our needs and boundaries.
I believe you had the best intentions but mental illness is very complex and it takes the two of you to compromise and work together.Perhaps she needs time to process what she is feeling?
Best of luck,it's a hard road.
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