A Groundbreaking Court Decision for Vets With PTSD

[Ned]

Ibut what day is peaceful for me anyway lol?

Well, if the MadMen would lay off, Christmas Day. Anyway, hope you have a good one.

 

[gibrokedown]

back at yah ned :)

 

[Ned]

Thank you

 

[gibrokedown]

quite welcome

 

[JarHed]

It's that thing about both being an adult and having PTSD. Once you are, there's no going back. I often think of when it was that I realized that I was an adult; when I had responsibilities and lived up to them, when I went into the service, or over to nam. I can never really say. I just know I am one now.

I had to go to the mall a while back for something, I can't even remember what. Too much of everything, people, stuff, music, ect, ect. But I do remember seeing some kids with their parents looking at stuff in the store windows. They just had such a happy look in their eyes and excited about what the season would hold for them. Just innocent and trusting. I wondered when it was that I lost that and became the logical, pragmatic cynical sob that I am now. It made me sad for them more than for me. I just know that someday they to will be 'Adults'.

 

[gibrokedown]

It's that thing about both being an adult and having PTSD. Once you are, there's no going back. I often think of when it was that I realized that I was an adult; when I had responsibilities and lived up to them, when I went into the service, or over to nam. I can never really say. I just know I am one now.

I had to go to the mall a while back for something, I can't even remember what. Too much of everything, people, stuff, music, ect, ect. But I do remember seeing some kids with their parents looking at stuff in the store windows. They just had such a happy look in their eyes and excited about what the season would hold for them. Just innocent and trusting. I wondered when it was that I lost that and became the logical, pragmatic cynical sob that I am now. It made me sad for them more than for me. I just know that someday they to will be 'Adults'.

you know jar I never had that innocent trustful childhood so i never lost it. i was forced to jump directly into adulthood trauma and all. so holidays to me are just a pain in the ass but i do them for my kid. i have to force myself to though. it takes everything i have to do it. I have to dig deep for the holidays. because i never really knew a normal one, I go by what i see others exhibiting and i hate it. i hate trying to be the perfect mother, the perfect holiday, when it's all a lie. it makes me so damn angry that everything in this world is just a huge lie.

 

[JarHed]

I grew up in the '50s and a Jew, so we didn't celebrate anything. That may be in part why I always get depressed around this time of year. No family, which is OK but isn't if you know what I mean.

It's almost impossible to live without in some way helping to continue the 'lie'. My mother is like 98 and still lives on her own. I hope if I live that long I can be as cognazent and strong as she is. But when she asks how I am, I tell her OK. Even though, of course, I'm not. What would be the point of being honest with her. She wants to hear what she wants to hear if you know what I mean.

I do try to live by a code of conduct, it's me and what I learned. It's simple, it's just about doing the right thing. That's always up for debate, of course but you have to have something like that or what's the point of it all. Hope I'm not rambling too much. Don't believe in religion either, I'm a real piece of work as I've been told. If it weren't for this place I think I'd be even worse than I am.

 

[Jimmy1]

You know, Christmas isn't that bad. I like seeing kids excited and happy, but I can do without all the pushing and shoving and all the rude people out there.

Its too commercialised now, rather than being about family.

 

[Anglesachse]

I get real down at this time of the year. I prefered it out in a combat zone with guys who you could bet your life on beside you.

Probabaly has something to do with the Abuse in the family when I was a nipper, I do try and make a big effort for my son as he is 11. But the misses does her best to pick up the pieces during the silly season. I can`t even decorate the bloody tree with out getting shity with them.

 

[JarHed]

This has been a particularly tough season for me, just been that kind of year I guess. Christmas is for the kids. If you have them hope you can see it through their eyes. They all want to and seem to grow up too fast today. I know it's a bit early to say but I hope ya'll have the best season possible with the hope that next year will be better and healthier for us all.

Jar

 

[Anglesachse]

I`ll see ya before Jar, but Yeah same to you mate. Hang in there only a few days left then we can start afresh

 

[SpentRound]

PTSD ... Is it a defense or just and excuse?

I'm certainly not claiming i have thee answer, but I would say it's both a defense and an excuse - that's the problem. If a "normal" person can claim temporary insanity for being raped, catching their wife in bed with another man, or not getting the toy in the cereal box, WE ARE FAR BEYOND CAPABLE OF "TEMPORARY INSANITY". The real problem is that desk jockey who does his 7 month PCS to Camp Cupcake and never left the wire but swears he heard an IED in the distance is now claiming PTSD when he should claim dumbassery.

No one knows if you truly weren't in control except you. Since people lie, someone will always think the honest guy is making an excuse and the liar is telling the truth. The only people that might be able to tell are the honest ones, but even then, each case of PTSD is different. I have friends with PTSD, and sometimes their actions don't make sense to me and mine don't make sense to them.

Probably the biggest anger trigger for me is not getting credit. I rated a CAR I never got, and later found out I rated a Purple Heart too. I wasn't really upset about the Purple Heart because I felt it was kind of a cheap injury to get it for. Given the problems I have now, it doesn't seem so cheap, but still not sure if problems are TBI, just more symptoms of PTSD, or both. I'm really not a ribbon chaser, so it didn't bother that much at first. The problem is I'm a person people have a hard time believing was really in combat, so a lot of assumptions are made that frankly, I'd probably make in their position too. It seems more likely to most that I'm a full of shit wanna be. Because I wasn't awarded anything to make it seem more likely I'm the real deal, I either get stuck in the "I've seen more shit than you" game, which is pathetic and only pisses me off more, or in a silent, f*ck you, walking-away rage. It's really gay cuz the only people I don't have to prove it to are the ones who were there with me and a couple who knew me before and can see the change. Since I re-enlisted, all those people are gone and I'm left with other Marines, usually grunts, that I feel normal and at home with except that they don't believe I "rate". If you have to prove it, they'll probably never believe it. If I hung around long enough for them to get to know me, I may not need to prove it. But it takes so long and I get so pissed and have to walk away so much that I don't have a lot of hope for it happening. I like the assumption that I do "rate" here. Thank you for that, and I'm gonna quit rambling now...