General A Hug To My Love

[harmony of love]

Aloha all,

I spoke of this in the chat room, by the way if you have not tip toed inside there...woo is it wonderful. Direct connection is awesome too! I mentioned to everyone how much I delight in thinking of sending him love messages, writing cards, or just emailing him. Then I remembered, heck that is not a feasible option for our relationship at this point in time. I then went to say perhaps I will write a thread each time I have this urge to contact him.

Everyone was very supportive...so here goes. May this reach you with a secretive tone of love. For you are in my heart always and I tenderly await your presence. I know this is a very hard time for you right now. As you struggle between who you were, are, and could be. My heart is in pain too. I do not understand how to cope at times. Why you can not let me, or how you come over intermittently, why now there is basically zero communication. You used to write me every day, sometimes 3 times a day, novel size emails with pictures of you. Surprise me at my place first thing after work. I do not want to give up on you, but I do not know my place either. I feel like a new student at a school with a missing desk. What a bummer this has turned out to be. We had plans to marry and now its too hard to even spend day light hours or minutes with me.



WOOOOO I ought to stop...look how this turned out to be a vent of some kind! Clearly, there is built up emotions inside me. I am excited at the potential of releasing this all. However, right now my eyes are tiring and I have work early. But trust me, I will be back and proud to keep going with this out pour of my heart. It is healing my sores. I love you E....always and true your Hawaii pin up girl.:Hug_emoticon:

 

[ISupportHer]

Harmony of love,

First, as you may know already, there are just SO MANY here with similar feelings. I could give you a half dozen names without pausing for a breath.

I could joke about it being "misery loves company" but it, to me. is a deep comfort to know that others have such stark similarities in how they feel.

I see you are very new. There is a lot here. Information, maybe a few hints for yourself as you read of other's journeys. Support as far as undrerstanding, etc. Because, here, we get it. We just get what one another feel. Not like expecting a co-wprker to know how it feels, for example.

And yes, the immediacy of chat is so great. I am not there every night but hope to meet you there sometime.

ISH

 

[harmony of love]

ISH,

Thank you so much for responding to my post. It is something that I could truly learn from, a carer who has shared or shares this journey with me. As I mentioned, I feel so lost and helpless.

I am going to search for some threads, for right now I am at a low, again. Even though his mother told me some great news last night. He made dinner for a group of people and while she did the dishes he walked by her and kissed her on the cheek. That is an amazing breakthrough for he has not been affectionate with her for months. I am proud for him and her, sadly there is a human side of me that wonders about where I stand. Would it just be easier to learn, that in no way shape or form does he want to be with me? I love him dearly and would stand be him with pride. This has become so frustrating. I feel in need of a fortune cookie!

How do you cope during your lows? Are you isolated as me? What a reality shock this has been. Dazed and confused here...:think:

 

[ISupportHer]

I feel like I have tried all I can think of at one time or another. A few books that helped, guided imagery CD's at times. Lots of other things.

Mostly, I think, has been posting and responding here. Some friends here that I came to trust and talk with. You know, people that get it.

I think that you, and I mean that as you and I, have so search ourselves and try to determine what we bring to the equasion. If that makes sense. Hard to do when you are paniced.

I don't now if I would call them words of wisdom but read posts, start threads, respond to others. You will come to know that in spite of feeling alone, there are others with amazingly similar feelings. That helps and is a start.

ISH