ButterflyPEI
Silver Member
I recently spent two months as an inpatient receiving treatment for my PTSD. What an amazing experience it was. I learned so much about myself and so much about the disorder. I put this letter together after having found the idea somewhere online. I wanted my loved ones to have an idea about what I am dealing with. For the most part, it was well received. It felt great to get this out there. I wanted to share it with all of you!
To My Family and Friends,
I have a disorder called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that was brought on by events that overwhelmed my ability to cope in my life. Some things are very hard for me that come easily to you. I still want to contribute in some meaningful way to the lives of those around me. I still need to love and be loved. I need the freedom to be myself, but sometimes, I may require some extra non-judgemental support.
There are a few things I need some help with. These are a bit difficult but should come along with practice. A large dose of patience and acceptance will also make this easier because this is difficult for me to speak with you about.
When I try to push you away and sabotage our relationship, please know that I am doing this because the sick part of my brain is telling me that I am better off alone. It is telling me that I don't deserve to have people care about me. I hate the fact that this disorder impacts the people in my life that I love, but, I am working hard to change that.
Sometimes I have a hard time sitting still and it bothers you. This is caused by anxiety and when the anxiety overwhelms me, it is hard for me to stay focused and relaxed. Because of that, my legs or my feet may constantly be jiggling. Just try to ignore it. I will calm down once the anxiety passes.
I often live in the past and this can make me a very negative person to be around. I have a lot of negative messages constantly overloading my brain. It takes a lot of energy for me to constantly counteract those messages so sometimes I get consumed by the negativity. Don't let that bring you down. Just remind me that it is the PTSD talking and that it will pass.
Sometimes you may feel as though I'm not tuned in or paying attention to what you are saying and to what is going on around me. This is called dissociation, and it has been a way of coping for me for years. It has gotten significantly worse over the past eight months. I am working hard at staying present and grounded though so that I can be more connected in my relationships.
Often times, it may seem to you as though I am over-reacting in a lot of situations that may seem quite "normal" to others. A lot of the time, this is because the situation or an event that has occurred has triggered me. All that means is that what has happened has brought me back to, or reminded me of my trauma. I am trying hard to stay calm when this happens but sometimes, these triggers catch me off guard. Please remind me to use my safety list when this happens.
You may feel as though I don't put as much effort into our relationship as I used to. This is because I like to isolate. It is easier for me to disconnect and to be alone than to have to be around people and put energy into interacting with you. It is easier for me too, to avoid people and situations where I may get triggered. And to be honest, that can happen anytime, anywhere. So as you can see, it is a lot easier for me to be alone. Please try not to be offended by my distance. I'm working on reconnecting and I want you to feel open to contact me as well.
I have a lot of anger lately. It comes in bursts. I never used to feel anger or get angry but over the past eight months, that has changed. Because it is new to me, sometimes I have a hard time controlling it and knowing how to express it properly. I don't think it is healthy to shut it back down. I just need to learn how to express it in a more healthy way and I will be working on that.
I have learned a lot over that past seven weeks and I have one more week to go. I have come to realize that I need to set some boundaries in some areas of my life. I am used to keeping quiet and letting myself get hurt but I need to make some changes in order to feel as though I am in control of my life and how I am feeling. If you are reading this letter, it is because I value having you in me life. If I feel that some things should change in our relationship, I will let you know calmly so that we can each discuss our wants and needs and come to an agreement that works for both of us.
I don't want you to think that everything I do and all of my behaviors are because of PTSD because this is far from the truth. I am human and I have flaws like everybody else. I do know though, that my actions and behaviors have been extreme as of late and I wanted to try and shed some light as to why that is.
Thank you so much for caring. Things now are different than they once were. I still sometimes react poorly because I am not cured and I am not perfect! I want you to know though, that I truly do appreciate what you do for me.
To My Family and Friends,
I have a disorder called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that was brought on by events that overwhelmed my ability to cope in my life. Some things are very hard for me that come easily to you. I still want to contribute in some meaningful way to the lives of those around me. I still need to love and be loved. I need the freedom to be myself, but sometimes, I may require some extra non-judgemental support.
There are a few things I need some help with. These are a bit difficult but should come along with practice. A large dose of patience and acceptance will also make this easier because this is difficult for me to speak with you about.
When I try to push you away and sabotage our relationship, please know that I am doing this because the sick part of my brain is telling me that I am better off alone. It is telling me that I don't deserve to have people care about me. I hate the fact that this disorder impacts the people in my life that I love, but, I am working hard to change that.
Sometimes I have a hard time sitting still and it bothers you. This is caused by anxiety and when the anxiety overwhelms me, it is hard for me to stay focused and relaxed. Because of that, my legs or my feet may constantly be jiggling. Just try to ignore it. I will calm down once the anxiety passes.
I often live in the past and this can make me a very negative person to be around. I have a lot of negative messages constantly overloading my brain. It takes a lot of energy for me to constantly counteract those messages so sometimes I get consumed by the negativity. Don't let that bring you down. Just remind me that it is the PTSD talking and that it will pass.
Sometimes you may feel as though I'm not tuned in or paying attention to what you are saying and to what is going on around me. This is called dissociation, and it has been a way of coping for me for years. It has gotten significantly worse over the past eight months. I am working hard at staying present and grounded though so that I can be more connected in my relationships.
Often times, it may seem to you as though I am over-reacting in a lot of situations that may seem quite "normal" to others. A lot of the time, this is because the situation or an event that has occurred has triggered me. All that means is that what has happened has brought me back to, or reminded me of my trauma. I am trying hard to stay calm when this happens but sometimes, these triggers catch me off guard. Please remind me to use my safety list when this happens.
You may feel as though I don't put as much effort into our relationship as I used to. This is because I like to isolate. It is easier for me to disconnect and to be alone than to have to be around people and put energy into interacting with you. It is easier for me too, to avoid people and situations where I may get triggered. And to be honest, that can happen anytime, anywhere. So as you can see, it is a lot easier for me to be alone. Please try not to be offended by my distance. I'm working on reconnecting and I want you to feel open to contact me as well.
I have a lot of anger lately. It comes in bursts. I never used to feel anger or get angry but over the past eight months, that has changed. Because it is new to me, sometimes I have a hard time controlling it and knowing how to express it properly. I don't think it is healthy to shut it back down. I just need to learn how to express it in a more healthy way and I will be working on that.
I have learned a lot over that past seven weeks and I have one more week to go. I have come to realize that I need to set some boundaries in some areas of my life. I am used to keeping quiet and letting myself get hurt but I need to make some changes in order to feel as though I am in control of my life and how I am feeling. If you are reading this letter, it is because I value having you in me life. If I feel that some things should change in our relationship, I will let you know calmly so that we can each discuss our wants and needs and come to an agreement that works for both of us.
I don't want you to think that everything I do and all of my behaviors are because of PTSD because this is far from the truth. I am human and I have flaws like everybody else. I do know though, that my actions and behaviors have been extreme as of late and I wanted to try and shed some light as to why that is.
Thank you so much for caring. Things now are different than they once were. I still sometimes react poorly because I am not cured and I am not perfect! I want you to know though, that I truly do appreciate what you do for me.
