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A Letter To My Family & Loved Ones

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Thanks Boo! I don't know that we are terrific parents but I think our hearts are in the right place and that surely has to count for something. Oh its funny that your login gets shortened to 'boo' in this forum because that is what we are calling the little one in the womb at the moment. Alexander was peanut and still gets called 'nut' or I call him 'sweet pea' (short for sweet peanut) and this one is 'boo'.
 
Ackkk, I am soooo envious of you all!

I can't sleep with mine and never could!!

I act out my dreams and you're likely to get a black eye or bloody nose!! Hehe, the kids (when they were still little) used to crawl into bed and crawl right back out again!!

We make up for it by loading the couch with pillows and blankets and snuggling for movie time in the evenings!

So enjoy it you guys!!:smile:

Bec
 
I used to be the same when sleeping Bec, though dealing with every aspect of my trauma head on, nothing missed, I now sleep and sleep peacefully. I think that is even a goal for you, that you can sleep peacefully again and have your son lay with you if ever needed.
 
Yep, the days of me waking up with aching arms fighting non existant people beating up my bed now seem to be over (looks for some wood to touch on IKEA furniture, which is no mean feat)

I am lucky I was single when that was happening, I have no idea what else I could have done while asleep, before waking properly.

Perhaps worthy or a separate thread, how many of us woke up while dreaming or unaware of dreaming beating up or fending off some non existant entity while asleep?
 
more often than once my husband left the big bed to sleep on their twin bed...oh well, more room for the kids and I!

:rofl: :rofl: My husband too! And the worst part of it was that I was glad! We have a Select Comfort bed...one of those that have separate air chambers. He is a BIG guy.....6' 7" ish, which is why we got one of these beds, otherwise, my little body would be stuck in the valley between him and the bed. (NOT GOOD!) But with little ones in bed with us, it throws the whole select number thing off..so I'm really GLAD when he leaves the bed! I push the little ones over on his side, and I get my mattress back to my comfort number which is 25 if anyone is curious...
 
Nam,

I so need one of those beds. We have a waterbed there is quite difference in Anthony's and my size and weight. He is about six foot and pushing 90 odd kilos (don't know what that is in pounds) and I am 5 foot 2 or maybe 3 inches and normally weigh in at around 52 kgs. So much for the 'waveless' feature of the bed! I thought it was bad last pregnancy but this time I now have the toddler, the husband, two cats and the belly to contend with. Thank god we are getting a new, king size bed soon. We have to because once Boo (the baby in utero) is here and old enough to sleep in the bed........you know the story.
 
Thank you for staying with me, even though many times I know you felt helpless. I appreciate having you in my life - it truly means a lot.
There are a few suggestions I would like to make.

Think of me as a cup of tea filled to the brim. One more drop and I'll overflow.

When we are together, I don't need you to entertain me or fill me in on the latest gossip and drama. My cup is too full.

It's ok to ask me "What's wrong?" but please ask just once. More than that and you will get the standard answer - "nothing" or "everything." Then I will begin to dwell on what IS wrong with me, why am I not right? My cup is too full.

Try not to be alarmed by my silence. I can go days without speaking. My cup is too full of images, noises, stimuli; silence keeps it from overflowing.

Are you afraid I'll commit suicide? So am I, let's talk about it. Yes I have a plan, all my life I've had a plan. But the more I talk about it to others, the easier it is to remain safe.

Bring me Presence not Presents. I would like you to sit still by my side, perhaps our shoulders touching or your hand on mine. Enjoy the silence with me, become comfortable with it.

Bring me Presence. Instead of "What's wrong?" try, "What bothers you most?" or "How does this rainy day make you feel?" It may take several moments for me to formulate my thoughts into words, so please be patient. As I reply, just let me ramble for my cup is too full, but it is now beginning to empty. So you see, your Presence is a gift.

As my cup empties I'll be better able to begin filling it with tools to help me through the bad times and I'll be better able to give you the gift of my Presence as well.

All My Love,
~Boo-Damphir
Wow! This is great Boo. I relate, really glad I found this, and enjoyed so much reading it.
 
Bring me Presence. Instead of "What's wrong?" try, "What bothers you most?" or "How does this rainy day make you feel?" It may take several moments for me to formulate my thoughts into words, so please be patient. As I reply, just let me ramble for my cup is too full, but it is now beginning to empty. So you see, your Presence is a gift.


Boo,

This was written before I found the board. I wish I'd been able to read it before, but I'm glad hope found it and brought it up so I could read it now.

The part that's quoted above is so much how I feel that I started crying when I read it. I called my husband over to read the whole thing. He gave me a hug and a kiss and told me he loved me. So of course I had to cry a little more.

Thank you for putting into words what I've been unable to. :kiss:
 
Boo That was the most powerful writing that I have ever read.

It not only helped me by realizing that my fears and thoughts are shared by others but also that those wishes that I have for my husband to understand what I feel and need are shared. Thank you for helping me to understand my fight with this demon PTSD, my only hope is that I can do it as gracefully as your letter has inspired me. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.
 
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