A List...

[Determinedone]

Is it possible to compile a list of PTSD symptoms vs Relationship symptoms? I realize they somewhat go together depending on the situation but I'm just wondering if there aren't some symptoms that yell PTSD more than relationship?

 

[Lucycat]

There are already many lists of the PTSD symptoms. What do you mean by 'relationship symptoms'? Relationship is not a disease as far as I am aware.

 

[Justmehere]

Do you mean signs that the relationship problem is due to PTSD vs signs the relationship is due to the other person being a**hole?

 

[Determinedone]

Justmehere~ haha that's exactly what I mean! I know him well 21 yrs together but his return from deployment has brought home what looks like my husband but everything about him is different. He acts like the man I know so well maybe two days a month, then it appears to drain him and he goes back into the stranger I don't recognize.

 

[Determinedone]

I guess part of my confusion is because most of the groups I belonge to before I joined this forum the spouse with PTSD was very needy and sought affection, and things of that nature. This isn't the case in my situation. But my spouse is more of an alpha male. However cuddling in bed, occasionally on the sofa and affection were always there. Since his return he won't vent sleep under the same cover as I do? He wraps himself in his own blanket like a cocoon?

 

[Justmehere]

If someone's behavior after trauma is consistent with symptoms of PTSD or the struggle with the symptoms of PTSD - then it's probably PTSD. Some people become more clingy and close to people after trauma, some become more distant. Some develop borderline personality type behaviors and do both, at the same time....

Before trauma as an adult, I could hug and touch people easily and sleep almost anywhere. After trauma, now with PTSD, it's very hard to do any of it. After watching people die, it becomes very scary to be close to people, even when I want to be - and its is especially tough with loved ones. Hard to explain why. It's not because I love them less, I just get overwhelmed easily by being close.

People who are not jerks who have PTSD get help for it and work on their stuff and how to manage symptoms. It can take years for us to work last our denial sometimes.... People who are jerks with PTSD (or even without PTSD) are people who never even try to work on their stuff.

 

[Seasounds]

Relational symptoms that I would include, isolating, moody, less communicative, not wanting to do things together, either being passive, or needing to be in contol, and being apathetic, unappreciative, and not wanting sex. They may take everything personally.

 

[Determinedone]

@change - he does a lot of those things in a daily basis. And he gets enraged but just a simple question, yet some days he will open up enough to share a few sentences with me. I try to be silent and watch his movements to see if it's ok to respond. After a few minutes he feels the need I be disrespectful again. He said if he could go away and be by himself he would love it? This isn't anything like my husband at all

 

[Determinedone]

@Justmehere - I agree all the research I've done points To PTSD. He's in denial though and believes it's due to me and our children. Says he feels at peace when he's not home with us. I reminded him that's bcause we have a lot of stress on us rite now due to finances. Nothing to so with our marriage. I've even picked up son extra work on weekends to help us.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

The cocoon thing....

Have you heard of thunder jackets for dogs? They are tight jackets that dogs can wear during a thunderstorm to calm their anxiety. Well, the same goes for humans. Being tightly wrapped is calming. Sort of why there are swaddling blankets for babies (controversial, I know, but those who use them say that the baby does indeed sleep longer when tightly wrapped). Me, personally, ALL of the clothes I wear to bed are at least 2 sizes too small, and if they aren't skin tight, my sleep is horrible. Today I fell asleep in my jeans and I woke up more exhausted than when I went to sleep. In my case the skin tight feeling is calming but I need to be able to move as well, hence why its my clothing that is skin tight and not a blanket. (My blankets are all down and very light as I need to be able to move freely under them).

So just a few thoughts on the cocoon thing.

 

[Determinedone]

@Solara - wow I wondered if e was the only one. Do you realize he has been telling me that he does this because he doesn't wanna sleep under the blanket with me? He even gets angry and argues. Why not just tell me? It would help us both if he were just honest about some things. Is it really easier to blame me for everything?

 

[Seagreen]

Hi Determinedone, I just want to say that you are an amazing person and deserve recognition for continuing to support your husband. Your feelings are important and no doubt it has been a hard road. It sounds to me like he is withdrawing. Try not to take it personally.