A List...

[Friday]

he has been telling me that he does this because he doesn't wanna sleep under the blanket with me? He even gets angry and argues. Why not just tell me?

First 5 years... I had no idea that I was doing 80% of what I did, and no idea why I did the 20% I knew of. There were knee-jerk reasons (don't touch me, eff me now, go away, I just need quiet, rib shattering volume is where I like to listen to music, I'm bored, etc), that may well be true in the moment that I sort of got used to over the next 10 years (yep, we're up to 15 years in) before this past run. Where I'm actually learning why I'm doing a lot of the things that I do. Or even that I'm doing them to begin with.

If I'm remembering correctly... It's only been a few months? Even the first year or two, esp if he's not in therapy -I wasn't- this will all be as new to your husband as it is to you. In some ways, more.

 

[Determinedone]

~ sea green
Thank you for the kind words and support. In spite of everything my love for my husband hasn't wavered. If anything it's grown.

 

[Determinedone]

~ Friday jones,
Wow. It takes strength to fight through something for 15 years. Your love for each other is unconditional.

It will be two years in May since he returned from Afghanistan, but he was showing signs of something bothering him midway through his second deployment an he was gone 3 years back to back. Do you have any suggestions? By the way I appreciate you.... =)

 

[Friday]

Whoops... No suggestion here! :( Sorry.

I was single(ish... Screwed up every relationship I touched) for the first 5 years. I didn't get married until the PTSD stuff had settled down. In a nutshell, my divorce is what brought it back to the surface.

I can talk about the PTSD side of my relationships... But I while I might wish I was with someone who loved/supported me through the black, I've never allowed myself that. I'm too afraid of hurting the people I love. The more I love them, the harder I push them away.

 

[Determinedone]

I've never allowed myself that. I'm too afraid of hurting the people I love. The more I love them, the harder I push them away.

This would explain his actions. He loves me more than he's ever loved any woman. And yes he's a pro at pushing me away but somedays (not many) he reaches out. I wonder why It makes you do this to the ones who could help you the most?

 

[Seagreen]

Some people with ptsd are highly sensitive to touch and sound. Cocooning is a way of drowning it all out. It may be difficult to be touched at all, but if you do cuddle, it might help to be sure to use smooth firm touch and avoid anything that is niggly or irritating. If he is tense just stay still. Don't move your or talk. If you do talk, talk quietly and calmly. I was just thinking of my own experience, it might not be the case in yours but you can take it or leave it.

 

[Purplemunchkin]

@SolaraIs it really easier to blame me for everything?

Of course it is. It's always easier to blame someone else, especially if you are trying hard to hide from the real reason.

Doesn't mean it's your fault though.

On a bad day my husband will blame me for all sorts of bizarre stuff. My 'favourite' was when he sent me a text in the morning asking if I would like him to run an errand. I said that would be great, but only if he didn't mind as it could wait. He did the errand, with bells on, and then wouldn't speak to me because I "took advantage" and "made" him do it.