William Loftin
New Here
Hi my name is William Loftin. I just found this site and looked over some of the posts. I have PTSD and I get treatment at the Dallas VA hospital. I've been going there for like 4 years or so. I went through quite a few different mess and think I am on something that works pretty well now I've been on this latest set for about a year so far.
The reason I'm writing here for advice is I am worried about telling this to the VA doctors, I'm worried they might lock me up. I have been seeing and hearing things, a lot of really f*cked up things. It started happening about 6 months ago and it's getting worse. I think most of my PTSD is from me killing this boy in Iraq. He was with a group of insurgents firing on us and I shot and killed a 12-14 year old boy.
Now I am seeing him all over the place, half of his face is destroyed and there is blood all over him but he still talks to me and screams at me. I have a 15month old daughter who I am responsible for taking care of most days and he sits by her and tells me what a f*cked up father I am and how I am failing to protect her. He tells me there isn't a child proof cap on the electrical outlet in the living room and if I don't fix it right now she is going to die. He says she should be dead like he is because her father kills children. He tells me if I forget to check before going around a corner at the Walmart, anytime I miss something he tells me I missed it and that because I missed it my daughter is going to die.
When my wife talks to me he tells me she is lying to me. Sometimes he just stands behind her chanting liar! liar! liar!sometimes he jerks like he did when I shot him and sprays blood on my wife and daughter. Sometimes I see real people with blood on them in store or walking around I'm pretty sure they're real people but the blood and injuries they have can't be real because they would be dieing.
I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to go back to the inpatient treatment in Waco or just get locked up in a mental hospital somewhere but it's getting out of control.
The old way I knew how to deal with things was to go to the bar and get super drunk so I would either fight someone or f*ck someone. It seemed to do a "reset" in my brain somehow and let me get through another week. I tried to explain this to my wife and she did have sex with me about a month ago to help me reset but she isn't always able to help me like this.
I don't know what to do, I feel like I deserve what is happening because I killed the kid. I don't want to get locked up inpatient but I don't know how long I can deal with the yelling and shit the boy says. Some mornings I don't hear my daughter waking up because the boy is so loud.
The reason I'm writing here for advice is I am worried about telling this to the VA doctors, I'm worried they might lock me up. I have been seeing and hearing things, a lot of really f*cked up things. It started happening about 6 months ago and it's getting worse. I think most of my PTSD is from me killing this boy in Iraq. He was with a group of insurgents firing on us and I shot and killed a 12-14 year old boy.
Now I am seeing him all over the place, half of his face is destroyed and there is blood all over him but he still talks to me and screams at me. I have a 15month old daughter who I am responsible for taking care of most days and he sits by her and tells me what a f*cked up father I am and how I am failing to protect her. He tells me there isn't a child proof cap on the electrical outlet in the living room and if I don't fix it right now she is going to die. He says she should be dead like he is because her father kills children. He tells me if I forget to check before going around a corner at the Walmart, anytime I miss something he tells me I missed it and that because I missed it my daughter is going to die.
When my wife talks to me he tells me she is lying to me. Sometimes he just stands behind her chanting liar! liar! liar!sometimes he jerks like he did when I shot him and sprays blood on my wife and daughter. Sometimes I see real people with blood on them in store or walking around I'm pretty sure they're real people but the blood and injuries they have can't be real because they would be dieing.
I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to go back to the inpatient treatment in Waco or just get locked up in a mental hospital somewhere but it's getting out of control.
The old way I knew how to deal with things was to go to the bar and get super drunk so I would either fight someone or f*ck someone. It seemed to do a "reset" in my brain somehow and let me get through another week. I tried to explain this to my wife and she did have sex with me about a month ago to help me reset but she isn't always able to help me like this.
I don't know what to do, I feel like I deserve what is happening because I killed the kid. I don't want to get locked up inpatient but I don't know how long I can deal with the yelling and shit the boy says. Some mornings I don't hear my daughter waking up because the boy is so loud.
