Sufferer A new girl. severe ptsd. 12mo of emdr helped, but didn't heal me. isolated & lonely.

[Sea_lady]

Hi everyone,
Thank you for letting me join your community. I would like to be part of an online group like this to bring support and be helped in return.

I am Sea_Lady, 31, and I live in England. I was diagnosed with a severe PTSD in 2013. I was sick for a long time actually, but never got the right treatments until I met serious qualified professionals who diagnosed me properly. I am on medication against anxiety. I went through EMDR sessions for months, and although it helped, it did not heal me. After a year of these intense treatments, I had to accept that my brain was too broken because of the length and the nature of the successive traumas that have devastated me. It was a shock: I had to accept I must learn to live with it, and grieve the loss of my hopes for an existence free of nightmares and fear. I feel very lonely... The instability of the world we all live in today impacts on my health, so I am looking for safe places, even just virtual ones. That is why I am here... To connect...

I have no family left I can rely on anymore. The few friends I have now all live too far away, and socializing is difficult for me becauseI am often very tired and stuck in bed... I have a hard time to give my trust... I have no boyfriend. I wish I had a pet... I found a lot of support at the University where I study, and I am grateful for that. I like meditation, gigs and swimming.

 

[tired-dreamer]

hey there, i'm new as well. :)

 

[ladee]

Glad you found us!
Hope you find the support and encouragement you need.
An awesome group of people from all over the world.
Forgot to share with @tired.-dreamer....we have fun threads here too... My favorite is...You know you have PTSD when....lots of fun.
Hope you find what you need here.

 

[Sea_lady]

Thank you for your kind message. = )

 

[RavenGirl]

@Sea_lady I'm glad you found us as this forum is a great place with tons of great people who understand what you are going through. People who support each other and don't judge, people who help each other out as much as they can.

Yet, I'm sorry you have to be here as that means you too suffer this disorder. One thing my T told me is we will always live with PTSD as we never really "heal." But sometimes some people can go into a type of remission. Everyone is different, and yes sometimes we need to learn to "live with it." But that doesn't mean our life is over or less than, it just means we need to learn a new way of living our life fully that works for us. I know one thing for sure, less stress is best!

To me "recovery" can mean no more symptoms, or It can mean lessened symptoms, or it can mean learning to have a quality of life despite symptoms. No matter how things work out for you, I wish you all the best on your road to recovery. ;):hug:❤

 

[Sea_lady]

@RavenGirl Thank you for your welcoming message, and your insights. I agree with you. A whole discussion could take place to describe what 'learning to live with PTSD' means, and diverses explanations might come out of that reflection since each individual is different, as you perfectly said.

To me, 'learning to live with the disability' means making many adjustments in my life so the effects of PTSD are reduced to a maximum level. Because my problem is complex and intense, I had to move to another country, change my name... I have to be organized at home to ensure I always have a stock of clean clothes, water, my meds and some ready-to-eat food (i.e. fruits) next to my bed in case I am stuck because of the fatigue. That means avoiding all the stressors that trigger flashbacks, panick attacks, fear, etc... which is not always possible. That means finding the right words to explain to people around me at University why there are things I can't do, and that can be very embarrassing and stressful in itself - a bit like feeling naked in front of strangers and showing them your scars.

I wanted to have a dog to help me with my daily life, but my landlord would only allow me to have a cat. I love cats, but that is not the same thing than a dog... A dog needs to be taken out everyday, and thus helps you socialize. He can bark in case you fall, he can defend you if you are attacked. A dog can bring stuff to you if you can't move, like a box of medication or a bottle of water. A dog can help you feel grounded in case a flashback pops in while you are outside. An indoor cat, as it was recommended for me, could be a friend but could not assist me with the daily struggles caused by the disability.

 

[RavenGirl]

@Sea_lady I know what you mean about the dog. I have 2 and wouldn't be without them for anything. My oldest dog is an eleven year old Boston Terrier named Zeus who is spoiled to no end! :rolleyes: My other dog is a one year old German Shepherd mix named Mocha that we rescued last summer. She's hyper, but the most loving dog a person could ask for.

I had two dogs before my current dogs. A Golden Retriever named Benjamin then a Chocolate Lab named Bilbo Baggins. As I had to put each one down for cancer, a piece of me was buried with them and I swore I wouldn't get another dog as my heart couldn't take another loss. After losing the last one, I waited four years before getting another big dog. I'm hoping Mocha lives a long, healthy life.

My hope for you is that at some time soon you too are able to have that companionship that I have with my dogs. Just make sure that when the the loss part comes it won't be to much of a setback for you. Hang in there and I hope good things come your way. :tup:;):hug:❤

 

[Sea_lady]

@RavenGirl I do understand what you mean... I had 2 cats before, and I loved them so much... One of the reasons why I have hesitated to adopt for such a long time is because I fear the moment I will lose them (death or being forced to be separated from them because of a landlord, in case I will have to move). On the other hand, I feel lonely and that impacts on my health... I was recommended to have a furry pet because it does reduce the stress.

 

[RavenGirl]

Yes, after the 4 years of sort of healing time, I decided I needed that furry love again too. I understand as animals give such unconditional love. Good luck finding your next perfect for you "furry pet." ;)❤:hug:

 

[Stitchin]

Welcome! I'm new too, but so glad to be here.
BIG LOVE