A Pooch Friend

[y5L]

My roommate has a little 8 pound dog half the week. (Her and our friend "share" it.)

Sometimes I don't mind the company. Sometimes it is soothing to pet or play with the dog. He is very good natured, affectionate, and can be downright snuggly at times. He's helped keep me grounded and been a comfort quite a few times.

However, loud, sudden noises are difficult for me to handle. I get very anxious and have a hard time recovering. This tiny little dog barks. I get startled and anxious, which makes the dog more anxious, which makes him more likely to bark even more, which gets me all agitated and overwhelmed. And I usually get mad at the dog for it.

It's a tricky balance we're trying to walk here. The pooch and I are on again, off again friends. His co-owners both know (and can see) how unnerving it is for me when he barks. They actually both know about my trauma, too. They are trying to deter him from it as best they can, but obviously he's still a dog. He'll bark now and then.

I guess the good news is on good days I'm getting better at recovering from having been startled. Other days, it feels like I'm under attack which gets fiercer with each bark.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Sorry you're dealing with a barky dog! I can't stand dog barking, either. I'm lucky I'm on the side of the house away from the barky neighbor dog, so I never hear him, and well, our own dog almost never barks. For the first six months that we owned her, we actually thought she couldn't bark! (She's a Labrador, and our last Labrador was the barkiest thing ever!) Now she barks if a stranger comes into our home, or if she gets worked up and wants a dog treat (which is rarely, as we are really trying to discourage this behavior.)

At the peak of my hypervigilance I lived with a roommate who had a barky dog. It drove me absolutely nuts, and my system was never calm. I was so happy when I moved out!

 

[Friday]

I managed to blunt my sleeping bang-response in a kind of similar fashion.

Instead of leaping awake and assaulting the nearest thing to me, I still.

It's still an adrenaline response, but it's one I have slightly more control over what happens in it. Slightly, because if the bang continues, I pass the eff out. If it doesn't, I can choose to wake up like a normal person, or go bag to sleep. I'm trying to sort the pass-out part. I hate hate hate that. But I like not waking up trying to murder someone. That's bad. It's much better to come awake before I'm moving.

((It was the lid on the washing machine right outside my bedroom that blunted things. Every freaking day for 2 years. But... Nothing bad happened afterward. I still have a bang-response when I'm awake, but my sleeping one altered after enough exposure.))

 

[NovemberStar]

I relate - although I have two barky small dogs so I have them all the time!

Most of the time they are a great source of comfort - my foxy is very intuitive and when I'm having a particularly hard day he will often come lie ON me. Like the other day - I was dissociating and having flashbacks while I lay on the couch - he came and lay on top of me like he was trying to 'contain' it for me.

Other times, the sudden loud barking leads me to yell at them - I can't stand it. I just want calm and quiet. But as you said - they are dogs and dogs do bark. They don't 'do it to us' they just are being dogs.

All I can suggest is limiting what the dog can bark at. For me, I make sure they can't see out the window. Both would LOVE to sit AT THE WINDOWS ALL DAY and bark at anything they see. I close of the front of the house though so they don't have visual access to the outside world. Granted it doesn't stop them barking when they HEAR something, but it definitely reduces the barking some.

Making sure the pooch has enough stimulation via exercise also helps. Can you take the dog for a long walk? Tire it out? He sounds so tiny a long walk wouldn't be too far! :).

Also different toys / mental stimulation. A collection of 'dog puzzles' - I made the mistake of leaving them all out - my dog got bored. Now I hide most of them and just rotate one or two. Another mental stimulus is training the dog. Whether or not it responds best to tiny treats or to a particular toy, wear him out by training him. Rolling over, shaking hands, play 'hide n seek' where you teach him to 'go find' certain objects you name out loud for him.

Distraction also - he barks , distract him ASAP, get his mind off what he's barking at - play tug of war with his toy, or call him for a pat.

 

[y5L]

Thanks for the ideas @NovemberStar , I may try blocking the window he likes to bark out of and will give him a rawhide before the mailman comes. I have taken him running with me before- he's actually really quick! I should probably ask his "mom" what she'd like me to do, since it's not my dog and she likes to take him for long walks sometimes.

I do suppose I always have the option of shutting him in her room if he gets too barky.

I just don't know if it's worth being "friends" with the pooch or not- if the help outweighs the stressors or vice versa.

 

[digger]

It's always worth being friends with a pooch, in my opinion ;)

You say in your first post that you end up getting mad at it? If by that you mean shouting at it to stop, don't! It'll just think you're joining in and barking too and it will think it's doing the right thing. It ends up compounding and reinforcing the problem. Reward when it's quiet will help more.

And yes, try to remove access, sight, to the things it's barking at - not always possible but if you can, it will help.

 

[y5L]

I figured out the "yelling creates more barking" thing pretty quickly. It's like swatting at a child and telling them not to hit. I definitely give him praise and treats when he doesn't bark at the mailman, the guy who wants to mow our lawn for $5, or any of my roommates coming home.

 

[NovemberStar]

@ySL - yes, yelling on,y excites them - being a pack animal, when they bark and you yell, they just think you're 'barking' too and don't understand it's AT them

I think blocking off the window is the best idea. I use baby gates! I don't have them screwed into the doorways, I merely place them there. When I'm out I place them across the lounge doors and I close my bedroom doors so the dogs can't see out to the street - otherwise they'd bark the entire time I'm away!

Wee dogs - especially terriers - are bred to bark. It's their 'job' to see things they might be able to chase and hunt down.

On the positive - at least you know no one can sneak up to your house or try to break on without a VERY good alarm system - aka the pooch barking the house down! I do think distraction is best - if she does bark at people coming to the door or in the door I don't think it's a bad thing (she's protecting you - you do want her to let you know if someone is coming in your house!) - so if she does a bark, praise her (good girl, off guard now - come!) and distract her with a toy or game or cuddle or pat. Kinda like she has a little one or two barks, but you stop her from really cracking it up. Just an idea :)

I also recommend reading up on dog behaviour. Dog psychology. Nothing they do doesn't make sense - reading up about life in a pack, will really help you understand she's just being a dog - I use that to remind myself when mine go mental barking and I'm very stressed. 'Its ok November, it's a normal dog behaviour they're just doing it , not doing it TO me!'

Pack behaviour It's the key to understanding dogs. Most important is that they are a PACK ANIMAL. And they need a good, calm, pack leader (ie YOU - likely it is her owner she sees as pack leader but it will be you next in line). If you are yelling and upset, she will interpret this as you not being up to the job of pack leader - and she will need to takeover. And what does a good pack leader do? Protect the pack! Hence being 'on guard' and barking to protect you all.

The mailman is a hard one to stop - why? Because their barking is always rewarded by the mailman leaving! See it from the dogs point of view .... Stranger comes towards their property.... They start barking - mailman comes even closer, so they bark more - mailman briefly touches the mailbox / stops - dog barks even MORE - mailman walks off - of course the dog thinks 'wow - I'm so awesome - I stopped that stranger coming up to the house or coming in - I was successful in chasing the. Away with my big scary bark! Yeah!!!'

Lol funny story - my city was besieged with thousands of earthquakes over a 2 year period including some massive ones (one fatal :(). Just before every shake, we'd hear The Sound of it about to hit. Depending on the size, the sound might be anything ranging from sounding like a massive jumbo jet about to hit the house, a train coming, a truck rumbling past, a noisy car ...... My dog was pretty quick to learn the noise happened just before the ground shook. So when she'd hear The Sound, she'd bark - telling it to f*ck off no doubt ;). Thing is, cos we had so many, we were ALL hypersensitive to ANY sound that MIGHT be a quake about to hit. My dog included. So, even now, when on average we get about one shake ever 4-8 weeks, whenever she hears a Sound that MIGHT be a shake (ie an actual aeroplane flying over or a distant train or a truck or a noisy car), she barks. Aaaaaaaannnnd - given most of the time nowadays it ISNT a quake, she totally believes she has STOPPED the quake from happening by barking at it :D Lol! She is seriously proud of herself - looks at me with a giant pooch grin 'see Mum - aren't I so clever!' ( she gets pretty surprised when we do have one - when her bark hasn't managed to stop the shaking though poor thing).

Edited to add sorry I've been referring to your pooch as she when I read he is a he - oops sorry! Dogs are awesome in that they are very loyal. Even though you're not the owner, if he sees you as higher up in the pack as him he would probably lay down his life for you. Anything to protect the higher order pack members - all part of their survival instincts :). If you play with him, or help in his training (if his owner is fine with that) he will really come attached to you and it will reaffirm you as secondary pack leader. Advantage of that is -he will then want to go out of his way to please you - and then obey you even more!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I had a Japenese Chin a very small dog. She never barked until my husband died and I think it was because she was thinking that she was protecting me. Very annoying and startling for me too. I had to place her. I could not live with the barking nor the destruction she was causing. I am empathizing with you. I wish you the best in this problem.