Relationship A Positive Supporters Journey..... So Far

[Nicolette]

I just wanted to write as at times, after reading all the struggles, I find the forum somewhat depressing and I think there is the need for hope and positivity when dealing with PTSD.

I met Anthony 4 and 1/2 years ago and PTSD meant nothing to me - but wow did I get some rude shocks. Thankfully it is like the worst is over and for the most part; I forget about the PTSD monster as he rarely comes out to play these days. If he does come out and its something mild it now often seems much worse than what it really is (as I'm not used to dealing with it any more) as our relationship is pretty much normal - the neon sign of PTSD has faded into the distance so I forget what it was like in the tougher times.

What I wanted to share is that through learning, the desire to make the relationship work, Anthony wanting to better himself and a common goal I believe we have come a long way.

There are no longer the week(s) or days in bed in a sweat, the nastiness has dissipated, the isolation still occurs but to a point where it's like walking on a slippery surface compared to those darn egg shells and generally life is good.

Support is now more of a two way street than a one way one and, for the better part, we try and respect each others' position at any point in time - being give and take.

I have been really ill lately. The hospital visits, ambulances, doctors and frustration have taken their toll but there have only been a few wobbly days. Take it back 4 years ago and I think my health issues would have sent Anthony running due to PTSD overload.

Myself I have grown and become stronger and more assertive; Anthony I think has opened up and while he still has the ingrained military training there is positive change hard to put into words. He is still the man I fell in love with but that man is around a lot more now than he was during the first year or so of our relationship.

The one thing I think has helped Anthony is that he became well enough to start making decisions for his own benefit rather than putting his head in the sand which was caused from stress overload. Like he says - we are a good fit and bring out the better qualities in each other.

Yes, there are days which are frustrating but I don't think we are any different from any normal couple anymore. It is less taxing when PTSD is at bay but I know it can always re-appear. There will be events in life which will be like speed humps but I trust that, while Anthony continues to manage himself, they will not be much more difficult than for those who encounter similar without PTSD.

 

[Toria]

:inlove: thank you for posting that Nicolette - I think there are times where there is no end in sight and coming on here to discover that others too can see no end in sight either can be a bit demoralising - and yes, down right depressing! But in a way that is what this section of the forum is for - venting and sharing - and without it I personally don't think that I (or we) would have survived the last six months. We are all in the same boat and we all cheer one another's successes along and pick up the emotional pieces when needed.

We are all told that there is no cure for PTSD, but knowing that it can - and does for many people - get better is a big boost for those of us who just aren't quite there yet (or are off the map in some cases!!!). I hope that your health is a lot better and a big pat on the back to Anthony for helping you through x

 

[Nicolette]

Thanks Toria. I agree with your words.

 

[ISupportHer]

I agree it is hard to read all the pain that others are going through. Let alone respond sometimes. Sometimes I just don't know what to say, or feel I am repeating myself.

Glad you feel things are generally better Nicolette. We all know that it IS a roller coaster. There WILL be ups and downs.

I definitely think my situation is better. OMG, if the whole ting with my grandson had been a few years ago, hard to tell the outcome. Things are not perfect but for now, my wife seems to be better. Holding her own. I feel like I am better. Not living in constant anxiety and fear. Some of that is her but a lot is ME. How I see things.

So, who knows the future! But yes, there can be a positive side to be seen. It will proably never be what it was but it is doable. Doable is a long way from what things looked like a year or two ago.

ISH

 

[Ladyhope Somerset]

Great thread Nicolette. :tup::)

Rocky roads can get smoothed out with hope and belief that it's possible and recognising cuts and bruises are inevitable. But when you're a good fit and you're in it together progress happens. Like making positive decisions for his own benefit and the give and take , this has happened for us too. :D

I look forward to coming here again. Celebrating progress.

 

[Lady Rig]

It's nice to see people dealing with PTSD in a relationship can make it work. I'm having so much trouble right now and it makes me feel better.

 

[IvyMillie]

It's great that you are in a relationship that is so good and that you both really work at it together. I'm sure you realize what a blessing that is. Many of us don't really have that.

Our PTSD person isn't really getting help and we aren't able to talk about it--so I guess one does vent here a bit.

What I really appreciate about this forum is when people talk about how they cope with their situation. What they do--to stay strong and cope with for some what isn't changeable at the moment. I think it helped me to know that other people were going through the identical thing--and that I was normal--when I found it ever so challenging at times.

So I agree that staying positive is important and being able to be sympathetic to other people's suffering helps us all.

In your situation it really worked out and I think it's good to have hope no matter what our situation. Your situation does give many of us hope that someday maybe our PTSD person will seek help and work on the relationship more.

This forum is a wonderful place for so many of us.