Mr Dispair
New Here
Hi all, I dont know if I am at the right place but here it goes. I was not abused, but my wife of 17 years was. She only recently came out and confronted the abuser and thats when I found out. I never knew for all the time I have know her. Since she came out our marrage has headed down hill, she is full of rage and the verbal attacks are relentlace. My sons mid teen and mid twenties are watching and catching some of these attacks. I have sugested counceling for a year or so prior to all this and during this ordeal, and she stonewalled me. Only recentlry (before thanks giving) she said ok and we started going. During these fights I find extreme mood swings , extreme in the sense of switching within seconds, but its mostly rage. The counslers I have seen , say because I am the closest one I am the one she will go after, and she does. Its so extremely hurtful and I feel so hurt and attacked. I have verbaly fought back out of not wanting to being a punching bag, but that just seems to kick her in to high gear. I have sot help for my sons with counslers and at their school.
We decided to be civil for thanksgiving , had a great dinner that she cooked and she sugested that maybe we could watch a movie ( I was on cloud nine). We we sat down, she started to bring up the past, 15 years ago childhood, me blaming the abuser and more and rehash it. I told her I was not going to do this or fight and I left the room. Needless to say she confronted me 3 more times in her rage and I removed myself. I came back later when she was asleep. We slept in seperate rooms and the next moring I check on her and she was sleeping in late so I let her be. Later that day we found her on a Suicide attempt,rushed to the emergency room and the next 4 days in ICU and suside watch. She was released after an mental Evaluation and is at home. Her moods go from depressed to out right rage. 4 days after getting her back I had to call crisis to come to the house 9pm to 3 am. She was talking about what she had not finished in from of our youngest child and that she was not sucsessful in her attempt.
Things she said were cruel and hard for all of us to hear and yet she blames me and goes after me. Last night was the same, another 2 days after that last eposode. I removed our child and placed him with a friend for the night but I came back to make sure she did not do anything and in fear of what I would find. ( thats what is always in my mind when I come back home, what am I going to find) I tried to sleep in the main bedroom with doors locked. I am living on eggshells and I find myself either in tears and breathing oddly or in a panic attack!
This morning she was up, cleaning and doing what she normally does, but ready to fight. I told her that this is not good for our kids or for us. she agreed its not healthy. But she still wanted to fight. When I told her that she is loved by all of us, she said the kids love her but I do not. I told her I did and that, was going toward fight mode. I remained calm as she told me that she or I was going to have to move out to a room we have in the back yard. I have fears with this, if she does, she is isolated and again what she could do to her self, there would be no support and no one would know if she did anything, I worry what my kids would find. If I go, I worry about the reverse, shes in the house and my son is there. I am emotionally in termoil and fear. I think I have realized its going to get worse as if she stops seeing her counsler, if the abuser gets sicker, more past comes out. I am in dispair!
We decided to be civil for thanksgiving , had a great dinner that she cooked and she sugested that maybe we could watch a movie ( I was on cloud nine). We we sat down, she started to bring up the past, 15 years ago childhood, me blaming the abuser and more and rehash it. I told her I was not going to do this or fight and I left the room. Needless to say she confronted me 3 more times in her rage and I removed myself. I came back later when she was asleep. We slept in seperate rooms and the next moring I check on her and she was sleeping in late so I let her be. Later that day we found her on a Suicide attempt,rushed to the emergency room and the next 4 days in ICU and suside watch. She was released after an mental Evaluation and is at home. Her moods go from depressed to out right rage. 4 days after getting her back I had to call crisis to come to the house 9pm to 3 am. She was talking about what she had not finished in from of our youngest child and that she was not sucsessful in her attempt.
Things she said were cruel and hard for all of us to hear and yet she blames me and goes after me. Last night was the same, another 2 days after that last eposode. I removed our child and placed him with a friend for the night but I came back to make sure she did not do anything and in fear of what I would find. ( thats what is always in my mind when I come back home, what am I going to find) I tried to sleep in the main bedroom with doors locked. I am living on eggshells and I find myself either in tears and breathing oddly or in a panic attack!
This morning she was up, cleaning and doing what she normally does, but ready to fight. I told her that this is not good for our kids or for us. she agreed its not healthy. But she still wanted to fight. When I told her that she is loved by all of us, she said the kids love her but I do not. I told her I did and that, was going toward fight mode. I remained calm as she told me that she or I was going to have to move out to a room we have in the back yard. I have fears with this, if she does, she is isolated and again what she could do to her self, there would be no support and no one would know if she did anything, I worry what my kids would find. If I go, I worry about the reverse, shes in the house and my son is there. I am emotionally in termoil and fear. I think I have realized its going to get worse as if she stops seeing her counsler, if the abuser gets sicker, more past comes out. I am in dispair!
