General A Step Forward Or Back?

[Slw4789]

I have not seen my SO in 3 weeks and tomorrow would have been 2 weeks of not talking to him. I went to my therapist today and she suggested I contact him and just ask him how he was doing. So I did, he replied back within 5 minutes and said "im ok how are you". I then texted him back(with my therapist's guidance via text) that I am doing as well as expected and that I will continue to respect him needing space. My therapist then said maybe I could ask him if he would be willing to get together in the next couple of weeks and talk, I did and he replied with "ill have to see". Im not sure if it is a step forward in that he replied to me or a step back that he may not want to see me. I told my therapist what he said and she said to just leave it be for now and continue focusing on me then we will see how things are in 10 days or so but with reasonable time he owes me the courtesy of an open, non threatening conversation. Im not really sure what to feel at this point, I am hurt that he will have to see if he will meet up and talk to me but on the other hand im happy he texted me back.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

It's a step forward comparing to previous, not talking at all, it will take a couple more steps to meeting again I guess?

It's a very tough thing to deal with. Hopefully it gets better.

Hugs :hug: and good luck :)

 

[LuckyDuck]

I don't know what has happened, but a few weeks might mean his needing more space and hoping you can keep up on your end. The response was good, the time between texting back could be him finding a private place from which to text you back.

Sometimes when the person gets back into contact they assume it's open contact from there on. Your therapist is giving good advice for focusing on yourself.

Hopefully in the next ten days you both can meet each other on a more level field. The less the fear the better the outcome.

LD

 

[Sighs]

but with reasonable time he owes me the courtesy of an open, non threatening conversation

Is this ^ what your therapist told you or what you think?

The problem I see with this statement is that the normal relationship rules do not apply when you're dealing with PTSD. So, my vet and I live together. You'd think he'd "owe" me the courtesy of a "hello" when I get home. But some days he can't manage it.

 

[Slw4789]

That is what my therapist thinks, she used to work at the VA with ptsd patients so I trust her but I may discuss this more with her next week because I agree with you I think he still has so much on his mind he just can't deal right now. I think she is trying to look out for me too because she knows how bad I am hurting but I know he is hurting too and I'm willing to wait. At this point I don't think he is seeking help and he is trying to deal on his own so that is going to take longer. The only thing we are both afraid of is he gets deployed in may and as much as I believe he wouldn't leave me hanging I'm still afraid he is pushing me away until then so he will be gone and not have to deal with anything. He had nightmares that I would cheat on him while he is gone and told me that it happens to a lot of soldiers but I tried to reassure him that would never happen, I have been cheated on multiple times and I would never put anyone through that pain. I don't understand how people can do that anyway to someone they love but that is just me. I don't think he believed me.

 

[shimmerz]

The only thing we are both afraid of is he gets deployed in may and as much as I believe he wouldn't leave me hanging I'm still afraid he is pushing me away until then so he will be gone and not have to deal with anything.

This is a very viable explanation. I used to do the same thing to people.... my head kinda went like this....
1. I don't have the energy to pick up that phone that is ringing
2. I can't talk about what is happening with me
3. I can't hear what is happening with other people, I miss my 'normal life'
4. I am so exhausted I have no idea if I will make sense on the phone
5. I will call back later

But later was never better. So they would call again.... and I still couldn't shore myself up. It was like a conflict in my head. Although I knew I was hurting my 'peeps', I felt I would hurt them more if I didn't just 'vanish' on them. Two very horrible conflicting realities.

This stuff is so incredibly difficult to explain to others who have not experienced it.

 

[Sweetpea76]

but with reasonable time he owes me the courtesy of an open, non threatening conversation.

I agree with @Sighs too. I wouldn't count on a stressed-out,isolating sufferer to be able to have open conversations.... especially relationship conversations when he has said he needs space.

 

[Sighs]

Oh hon. He's deploying in May. I wouldn't count on hearing from him before then.

Hugs if you accept them.

 

[Slw4789]

Thank you all for your input, being on here reading other stories and having support really helps.I hope he wont wait until he deploys to contact me, he still has a key to my house and stuff here anyway so if he isn't coming back he will have to get his stuff at some point. I love him and I am willing to give him a lot of time because honestly it will take a while for me to be able to move on anyway..