OK, an update on Abilify for me. (see page 3 of this thread for beginning)
I asked my pdoc to take me off this med about 3 days ago. I had noticed some "irritability" that was beginning to grow on it. I'd been on Abilify roughly 4 weeks at that point. It takes about 2 weeks to see effects. I was on the lowest dose of 2 mg at night only.
The good points of Abilify were that for the first time when someone came into my office at work noticeably angry, I was able to think through the issue, stay calm and find a solution or at least soothe them down. Before I'd have retreated like an injured squid into tears, making myself physically smaller, and finding a corner or table to hide in. I also felt calmer. And the startling with hyperventilation and shuddering had pretty much stopped.
But the bad points. I'd mentioned the loss of sense of smell and taste, the loss of appetite for days on end, and the muscle cramping. The muscle cramps went away except for occasional twinges every few days (usually after not eating for a while, so it may have been an iron or calcium absorption lack rather than potassium issues). And the irritability set in.
Let me define irritable. I snapped at everyone for minor infractions. I got agitated a couple of times about clothes out of place in our bedroom (clutter can agitate me, but this was off-the-wall). I started having these intrusive pop-in-your-head visuals of things like people I was talking to suddenly turning into a demonic face, or me slashing someone with a knife, or screaming and beating someone with my hands. In non-threatening situations. Even casual and happy social situations. That did seem to fade off in week 4, but.....
In the middle of week 4 my young daughter and I got into an argument that escalated. I spanked her. Three swats. On the bottom with my hand. WE DON'T SPANK IN OUR HOUSE. And I never touch my daughter in anger. This was anger. She was really upset, took days to undo her fear of being spanked and her acting-out aggression to others. I was horrified at myself. It was like I was acting on some other level. My daughter and I calmed down, I apologized to her for spanking, and we talked about what had happened and her behavior and better choices that we both could have made. I hadn't even given her a countdown warning on this one before just acting. She apologized to me, and though it took a few days to get the internalized fear ironed out of her system, without the Abilify things are definitely back on track. My daughter is a very good kid though she occasionally has these tantrum fits like many early elementary school kids.
I instantly stopped Abilify. I can handle lack of sense of smell, taste, appetite, and occasional weird imagery. Not the escalating anger.
I'm certain that this doesn't happen to everyone. But I think that I've got a lot of internalized rage that doesn't get of my internal closet very often and this drug was dropping the barriers. That's excellent for some. Not so good for me.
I'm disappointed that the good effects can't be somehow retained and the bad effects ironed out. I did quite enjoy being that serene and calm. It felt normal. But I'd rather be an injured squid than risk that sort of volatile response. I think the intrusive imagery was a major warning sign, so I caution anyone who is noticing odd flash-in-your-head images (they are quite quick and graphic and gone just as fast) to talk to your pdoc right then and monitor your behavior or have a significant other monitor it.
