About Emotions

[SpringRain]

Ok, tough question for me. Anyone else have trouble showing, or even feeling, emotions - like they might just be too much to handle? Any good suggestions how to get past this? Thanks, Spring Rain

 

[liv now]

Hi Spring Rain. I have trouble feeling and expressing emotions. I had shut off my feelings for so long that when I started to feel things it would freak me out as I thought something bad might happen if I let myself feel. I have got better over the years with this. Trying to pin point exactly waht helped is really hard. I think it was a combination of things. I am in therapy so gradually started to feel things. I would start allowing myself to feel things for a few seconds and then start to build on that and see that nothing bad happened. I found (and still find) it so tiring feeling things. It takes up so much of my energy. Another thing that helped was having safe friends. People who I felt safe enough to be myself around. I watched them feel and express emotions and saw that nothing bad happened. I never used to have any good friends. I just used to have people in my life who used me or tried to hold me back. So I would spend a lot of time alone with my dog. I felt safe to feel a little bit more with him as I knew i would not be judged. Baby steps and safe people in my life was how I started. Also grounding myself to the present when I started to feel overwhelmed. I had to remind myself where I was and that I was an adult who was in control. I was not a child anymore and I was not in the middle of a trauma or anything. Easier said than done though. But with practice it does get easier. This is just me. I will let you know if I think of anything else. Take care. Liv Now:smile:

 

[Frankie]

Hi SpringRain,

Welcome to the Forum. I can only reply for my exbf since he is the one that has ptsd....

I do know that he had a lot of trouble trusting people, so it was natural for him not to show his emotions and feelings towards people he didn't know or trust. The only emotions that came easy for him towards these people were anger, annoyance and/or complete silence.

Also, for him what came so very easily was "clowning" around. He could hide behind his funny antics.....and everyone saw him as a carefree, happy go lucky man...which, of course wasn't always the case.

With loved ones he was completely different, all he wanted to do was express his emotions and feelings. With us it came very easily for him....one of the reasons he gave me was that he trusted me more then anything....so talking came easy for him.

He was a very loving, caring, giving man.....and he showed it every day. BUT, it took a lot of work and effort on his part, it did not come easy....through therapy and meds....he had to learn that it is ok to trust some people.

Till he got triggered, then it was a complete shut-off with me. He became distant with his daughter and wasn't himself anymore. But that is another story lol

All I am saying is that...it is possible to feel again. Give it time, learn to trust certain people.

Surround yourself with people that will support you and understand the way you are and won't try to change you.

Learn to express your thoughts with them, let them know what you need and want from them....and listen to what they also need and want from you.

My exbf had a hard time in taking "critisism" even if it was positive and said in the right way.......he was at times very defensive, felt he was attacked and that is when his "angry" self or his "clown" self showed up......

We, the ones that don't have ptsd, try to listen and support and encourage....sometimes we make mistakes along the way......

So, learn to listen and not feel attacked, sometimes, people like us, that don't have ptsd....find it hard to say what we mean, and at times we might say the wrong things.....but always remember that we mean well :)

Frankie

 

[trapped]

I have trouble even just identifying and labeling emotions, nevermind expressing them! Yes, I get extremely overwhelmed by emotions- for a good reason, when I was a kid showing emotions would set my dad off into an angry rage. I'm learning there's no "easy" answer, no quick fast cure or anything. It just takes time and patience with ourselves. What helps me, is to have a "cheat sheet" if you will, one of those posters with the smiley faces and the name of the emotion under them, that helps me be able to pick out what I'm feeling, and I'm trying to learn appropriate ways to express each one, and to just get comfortable with different emotions. Equine assisted psychotherapy has helped me a lot with getting comfortable with them and learning that emotions aren't right or wrong- they just are. I think the most comforting thing I've learned so far, is that you don't HAVE to do anything with the emotions. I used to think "oh, as soon as I figure out I'm mad or anxious, etc.. then I need to make it go away, cuz those are all 'bad' emotions"... but then I was reminded that emotions themselves AREN'T good or bad- how you handle them may be, what you do and how you behave and express them may be good or bad, but the wonderful thing about that is while we can't necessarily control our emotions, we CAN control our behavior. That helped me a lot since experiencing emotions used to make me feel so out of control. Now I'm starting to be able to turn it around, to where it makes me feel more IN control- especially when I'm able to accept the anxiety, and not feel pressured to do anything with it.

 

[SpringRain]

Wow, this is all so helpful - and familiar. Part of me can't believe that there are other people who feel like this! Thank you so much, not just for making me like I'm not nuts (although that's an important part!) but for giving me some really good ideas. Thank you! SR

 

[blackdove]

Hello. Yes I can relate to the "trouble with even labelling emotions let alone expressing them" comment. You know those people, like counselors, who have a huge range of emotions within a single conversations -- what's with those people? Makes me laugh to think of how little I know about emotions.

I also spend alot of time with the dog -- she is reliable and either happy or hungry so it's simple.

Earlier I was reading the funniest thing written by another member who described that he talks about his experience as though he is "ordering pizza". I do this too. I managed to do it for an hour to a psychiatrist last week and if he'd had hair, I think he would have pulled it out! Has actually made me laugh alot this week just thinking about it. :-)

 

[Dylan]

Hi SpringRain,

Oh yes, numbness is very familiar to me.

What has helped me is to go through the list of basic emotions (too many and I get overwhelmed). For each one I try to let it come up in my body...just being curious, no pressure. If I can't find one, I go to the next.

I feel angry that:
I feel sad that:
I feel afraid that:
I feel guilty that:

Then since "good" feelings have been even more elusive:

I feel grateful that:
I feel happy that:
I feel secure that (if I can't get to secure, I look for hopeful):
I feel proud that:

If I go into numb, I say, "I feel numb that" and typically I can eventually get to a feeling.

I also, for a long time, went into "unbalanced" versions of the above. Instead of anger, i felt rage; instead of sadness I felt despair; instead of afraid I felt panic; instead of guilt I felt shame. Just a thought: it might be useful to try this for awhile with a therapist. Having been horribly overwhelmed by experience, which is why I emotionally shut down in the first place - for survival and safety, it probably is best to have support until the out of balance feelings have been expressed in an atmosphere of safety and confidence arises, via experience, in your ability to handle whatever emotions arise.

HTH-
-Dylan

 

[TScorpio1]

Ice Princess....

That is my nickname.... I just have a lot of emotion cut off and find it very difficult to deal with emotion and try to head it off at the pass. Pretty frustrating... Then when I do open up to the emotion and get disappointed, I have a very destructive, aggressive behavior - towards myself. Because of the shame I have within myself of allowing it to happen. Quite the cycle. Meanwhile, I am trying to deal with this and not turn to things that numb, like my 'happy pills' to one day - not be like this. Hard road....

 

[Big Shirley]

Have a stable environment, a good counselor, and time. Don't push yourself too hard. It will come when your ready....I know feeling for me was very difficult to get used to at first and quite scary.....So ease into it....

 

[sisyphe]

Yeah, I think it's normal to have a hard time feeling anything and being emotionally blank. I rely on my sense of humour a lot to help relieve my anxiety and keep negative feelings from getting too much of a grip on me. It scares people sometimes that I have too much of a sense of humour about things that are actually pretty awful -- must look kind of messed up when I'm on the verge of crying and suddenly I can't stop laughing at how ridiculous everything is, but it's better than being a total zombie or falling to pieces.

 

[shadow-light]

I have a lot of difficulty understanding emotions...like I will feel something, and I'll know I'm feeling it, and maybe will know if it's positive or negative, but will have great trouble working out what it is. I hate it when people ask "how do you feel", because I'll generally literally not know, but I can't say "I don't know" as they just sounds stupid.

I have been told though that in time feelings do return...it's some odd way in which the mind tried to protect itsef from being hurt further, apparently and it just takes time for it to adjust to the idea of being safe.