Absulatly Just Torn, I Will Be Single My Whole Life

[sonicwhite]

Well whatever life that is. When I try to make a move to someone I think would help me things go south fast. I'm tired of all these chicks who hate God or religion. And they are just bombs waiting to go off.


Why can't I find that fickle face person I so desire. Because I have a hard time putting God first.

This may have to go into the trauma diaries but honestly I find someone who has the same ideals as me and are not interested. So I'm like ok, there must be a problem with me. And it's always been me.



Me and my ex from eleven yrs ago are still in a war with each other. It just has calmed down. I'm tired of living with this gripping temptation to put God first. I know He would set me free.


God is a God of tests. All through out the bible he is testing. I'm like God do I need to get chemically castrated to prove to You that I want you first but I ant the desire fore a wife gone.


He wants me to have a wife. That's why it's there. He's just see which will I put first. His cross bearing life or the fake idea of a relationship? Ugh sick of this.

 

[mary1979]

You were going so well sonic!

Women who hate God? Thats a strong word for someone that they clearly don't believe in.

There are many women like myself who are not religious, but have no strong feeling about religion either way.
Could you compromise to that?

She's out there sonic, patience is a virtue.

 

[sonicwhite]

Yes I could compromise to that, it's just all the ones who pick me out are pretty but they hate God with a passion. They think the bible is a outdated book and we need to rewrite the rules.


That's not the way it goes. God said the world would get more wicked and the end is near.


Paul said that the Anti Christ has already risen so that means we're living out Revelations.

I just don't get scared anymore. I'm glad we're in the end days because I'm tired of all this war crap.

But back to the point. I would really like to find someone who has the same values I do but it is so rare these days.

 

[joeylittle]

Do you go to worship services? Just wondering whether that would put you in an environment to meet like-minded individuals, be they potential friends or partners...

 

[digger]

it's just all the ones who pick me out

What kind of places are you looking to meet people? If you're looking to meet people with similar religious values then it would make sense, to me, to concentrate on meeting people at places where those values are most likely to be shared - that you're meeting people who 'hate God with a passion' would suggest that's not what you're doing?

 

[hangingon]

There are Christian dating websites that might put you in contact with more like minded single women

 

[sonicwhite]

I have a hard time getting out. So I don't go to church even tho I've had a tugging to go. I meet these women from my Facebook. They friend me and ask all sorts of questions. I know what's up but as soon as I say I'm a Christian well the rest is history. I know a very large church that has a young adult group would be great but I just have a hard time going to church.


And if I skip one Sunday I'll prolly just keep doing that until someone asks me to go with them but around here you have to get out in order for that to happen. I'm like the worst hermit. I just never get out lol. Plus my truck needs insurance so I would be able to go. Oh well I'm prolly going to move to TN where kratom is illegal and just start going back to my old church. The thing that makes me want to stay is will the doc keep me on klonopin. Cause you take me off that and I'm screwed.

 

[Thizette]

Do you go to worship services? Just wondering whether that would put you in an environment to meet...

A lot of churches have singles Bible-study now. I am not Christian, but my mom is and she attends a Bible study for divorced parents/older singles.

 

[Kintsugi]

This may have to go into the trauma diaries but honestly I find someone who has the same ideals as me and are not interested. So I'm like ok, there must be a problem with me. And it's always been me.

Do you honestly feel that you are completely ready for the commitment and work a relationship would require? Do you think you're mentally in the right headspace to be exposing yourself to women you're very interested in making the best of impressions on and that you could consistently put your best foot forward for them?

I have to raise and eyebrow at the "war" you've been in with an ex of eleven years ago. If I were a woman interested in you, and I learned that, I would run the other direction. That sounds insanely unhealthy--just fraught.

I've read your posts since you first joined here, and I've seen you post multiple times about putting God or women first in your life, the struggle therein. I wonder when Sonic is going to put himself first.

 

[sonicwhite]

I feel the same way, like some kind of bondage towards women like I need them. I'm thrifty one years old. I just never up my chances by going to church. My OCD theme is about Gods Judgment and a sermon can set it off.


From what I believe I have to put God first. A woman not so much but God after all I've been thru and surely today I must be dead but I'm here for a reason. I find that a lot of my trauma is due to me assuming I had HIV. Which I don't and instantly telling cops and everyone else that I gave her hiv. Now I got treated like crap. But last nights nightmares remind me off the goof I made being strung out on drugs. That's what drugs will do to you folks they will destroy your life.



I'm sorry since I'm everywhere atm. I just had a night full of up settling dreams and I'm trying to bounce back from that.

 

[sonicwhite]

so in my recovery I know to find someone with the same values as me is to go where those ppl are most around. It sucks that my OCD is about a Gods Judgement so any preacher that starts with this kinda sermon sets my OCD off. So all in all May God bless me some how. I don't really have faith anything is going to happen but waiting for it to fall in my lap is sure not going to happen. Man, I hope me and my therapist can reall improve my life because I sure need it.