chrissrhodess
New Here
Hi all. First off. I was diagnosed and treated for PTSD a few years ago. I was a triathlete and had an episode of heart Arrythmia.
Enough about me. I'm currently dating a girl whom I am madly in love with. We grew up as kids. Moved away grew up some more then were reunited fell in love the rest as they say is history. We have been dating for a year and I have to say things are aweful. It started slowly. She would out of no where get angry that I was working late. Or angry or upset that I was talking to my friends. Then I had a shitty experience when all my tendons got attacked by antibiotics and she thought I was having sex with my therapist. Then we moved in together. I got a three week long job on a movie. And this is when it all started.
She thought I was lying to her all the time began cutting. She tried to jump In front of the T one night but I grabbed her. She screamed I should just let her die and ran off. She ran cross country all her life so... I lost her. I wondered around looking and calling her. But I heard sirens from the direction she went and I started crying and having a panic attack because I thought she actually got by the train but when I got there it was on a fire.
She ended up back home an hour later. She thought I was sleeping with some girl she completely made up. I'm not kidding like made up what she looked like how we met everything. That has been going on since the summer. Now were at a point where she tells me I'm the reason she wants to die. That she hates me. Tries taking pills and cutting and when she says said she was going to commit suicide and I was at work I called her parents.
Now she says I just want to turn her family against her and I'm not her true friend and I don't have her back. She goes out at night some times and drink but if I go out with my friends she says I don't care about her and I'm selfish. She randomly went to LA and stayed with some guys I didn't know for a long weekend. So I went to big sur to hike a few weeks later. She said I didn't care and I was just trying to meet people to f*ck and I was doing it to hurt her. All I wanted was to hike because I suggested we do something similar together prior but she said she had work and no money (she walked out on her job and then her parents had to help her make rent.
That's how she went to LA). I tried to leave her because things were so unfair she said if I did she would kill herself. In the beginning I tried to be there and just take the name calling and stuff but one night she ran and got a knife from the kitchen and ran towards me saying I make her this way and I grabbed her and she starting screaming I make her want to die. I knocked the knife out of her hands but she hit me a few times. Now when she says stuff like I will never be like her friend tanner (her guy friend) or I make her want to die or that I'm selfish and a shitty person. I try to stick up for myself but I snap and yell at her now saying please stop! This isn't fair! But she says I just don't understand.
When she drinks she is happy around everyone but later she will randomly snap and start screaming at me. She was in an abusive relationship prior to dating me. She just self diagnosed her self with PTSD. But I went through PTSD and I never treated people like that. Is all that really PTSD. I just want to know if me getting defensive and not putting up with it anymore selfish?
I'm looking for a therapist because I cry randomly now and day dream about ending my life. She tried to keep my caged up (not literally lol emotionally) so she doesn't have to deal with uncomfortable situation. I've become agitated and now I snap easily because of the stress and anxiety of anything I do will make her try or commit suicide. I can't take being screamed at. I've never cheated or thought about it but she thinks I'm a monster. It's hard to be there for her when she takes her past out on me.
Am I selfish? Am I a bad boyfriend because I can't man up and let the hurtful things she say roll off me!?!? I just have no idea what to do... She says I should be more like her friends but they don't see all the things I see and she treats them like gold. It's getting harder and harder to be supportive when the only things I see are negatives.
Sorry that was long and a stream of thought.
Chris
Enough about me. I'm currently dating a girl whom I am madly in love with. We grew up as kids. Moved away grew up some more then were reunited fell in love the rest as they say is history. We have been dating for a year and I have to say things are aweful. It started slowly. She would out of no where get angry that I was working late. Or angry or upset that I was talking to my friends. Then I had a shitty experience when all my tendons got attacked by antibiotics and she thought I was having sex with my therapist. Then we moved in together. I got a three week long job on a movie. And this is when it all started.
She thought I was lying to her all the time began cutting. She tried to jump In front of the T one night but I grabbed her. She screamed I should just let her die and ran off. She ran cross country all her life so... I lost her. I wondered around looking and calling her. But I heard sirens from the direction she went and I started crying and having a panic attack because I thought she actually got by the train but when I got there it was on a fire.
She ended up back home an hour later. She thought I was sleeping with some girl she completely made up. I'm not kidding like made up what she looked like how we met everything. That has been going on since the summer. Now were at a point where she tells me I'm the reason she wants to die. That she hates me. Tries taking pills and cutting and when she says said she was going to commit suicide and I was at work I called her parents.
Now she says I just want to turn her family against her and I'm not her true friend and I don't have her back. She goes out at night some times and drink but if I go out with my friends she says I don't care about her and I'm selfish. She randomly went to LA and stayed with some guys I didn't know for a long weekend. So I went to big sur to hike a few weeks later. She said I didn't care and I was just trying to meet people to f*ck and I was doing it to hurt her. All I wanted was to hike because I suggested we do something similar together prior but she said she had work and no money (she walked out on her job and then her parents had to help her make rent.
That's how she went to LA). I tried to leave her because things were so unfair she said if I did she would kill herself. In the beginning I tried to be there and just take the name calling and stuff but one night she ran and got a knife from the kitchen and ran towards me saying I make her this way and I grabbed her and she starting screaming I make her want to die. I knocked the knife out of her hands but she hit me a few times. Now when she says stuff like I will never be like her friend tanner (her guy friend) or I make her want to die or that I'm selfish and a shitty person. I try to stick up for myself but I snap and yell at her now saying please stop! This isn't fair! But she says I just don't understand.
When she drinks she is happy around everyone but later she will randomly snap and start screaming at me. She was in an abusive relationship prior to dating me. She just self diagnosed her self with PTSD. But I went through PTSD and I never treated people like that. Is all that really PTSD. I just want to know if me getting defensive and not putting up with it anymore selfish?
I'm looking for a therapist because I cry randomly now and day dream about ending my life. She tried to keep my caged up (not literally lol emotionally) so she doesn't have to deal with uncomfortable situation. I've become agitated and now I snap easily because of the stress and anxiety of anything I do will make her try or commit suicide. I can't take being screamed at. I've never cheated or thought about it but she thinks I'm a monster. It's hard to be there for her when she takes her past out on me.
Am I selfish? Am I a bad boyfriend because I can't man up and let the hurtful things she say roll off me!?!? I just have no idea what to do... She says I should be more like her friends but they don't see all the things I see and she treats them like gold. It's getting harder and harder to be supportive when the only things I see are negatives.
Sorry that was long and a stream of thought.
Chris
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