Acts Of Kindness

[ladee]

Good possibility he had Alz or dementia, not severe enough to still not have driving privileges , ect.. I doubt you hurt his pride.... he was embarrassed he had lost his car... I worked with Alzheimer's patients for 25 years... they were rarely prideful, more embarrassed than anything... and will go into denial when someone tries to help.... yet you could run into someone again, same circumstances, and they would be very happy you helped.... or, he could have just been a jerk... but the point is... you intention was what mattered.... If in fact he did have Alz, he forgot about you by the time he found his car... so don't worry about it... you did the right thing... and staying around to make sure he was safe was the right thing to do....You did good Cap'n.... !! Hugs

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Here's a more straightforward act of kindness (which may have been the catalyst that I needed to come back to the present) . Grocery shopping, again. I was looking at blenders or something and a woman started chatting at me. She wanted to buy a juicer and couldn't understand why two juicers that looked almost the same had an almost $400 price difference.

I felt kind of annoyed and tired and seriously considered shaking my head in commiseration and walking away. My knowledge of small appliances is limited to my experience of burning out smoothie makers on a regular basis. I've learned that those wattage numbers are actually pretty significant, if you're expecting something to perform well. So, I showed her the numbers on both boxes, and explained to her that the 900-watt juicer would outperform the 250-watt one by a mile, but that if she was only using it for the occasional glass of oj, the cheap one would probably suffice.

I have no idea if she bought one, but she told me that she had never understood what any of the specs on appliance boxes meant, and she was afraid she'd sound stupid if she asked. Then she told me I should teach a class for dumb old ladies, lol!

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Anyone consider the trauma aspect of acts of kindness, for some of us something we can't control is triggering and an act of kindness is totally in the other persons control, its hard for us to sort out if its safe or a perceived threat. Example the simple act of a hug, for me its a major trigger. But the act itself is safe and an act of kindness. Every time someone hugs me without them asking, and being highly trusted I freak out. It happened yesterday in fact.

 

[EmmaOwl]

Then she told me I should teach a class for dumb old ladies, lol!

Well.... that was nice of her to say!! :eek:

 

[EmmaOwl]

Anyone consider the trauma aspect of acts of kindness, for some of us something we can't con...

This is important to keep in mind.
I think very few people would suggest hugging strangers... but it's true that someone with social anxiety might want to be left alone. Important to think about and keep in mind, and try to pay attention to how another person reacts.
If you want to help but are worried abut this, perhaps you could duck in to help at a charity setup of some sort, instead of "random" on the street-type encounters. Donate blood to the Red Cross (in the U.S.). Lots of things that don't involve interacting with others.

But wow. If someone I didn't know tried to hug me, I would - forget screaming - I'd shriek. And back away. Real fast.

 

[ladee]

I personally have no problems with hugs, I tend to let off a body language that says if it's not ok to hug me... more toward men than women... I do not feel threatened by a woman hugging me.... but I 'read' people who are ok or not ok with being touched... no harm is intended, it just doesn't occur to people that someone would not be ok with being touched... it is awkward for the person being hugged....It is so very sad, that even the human touch has been ruined for some of us....

 

[Muttly]

I don't know how I've never read this thread before. I try to live my life by the credo of being kind and doing kindness. It's very important to me. I don't usually talk about the things I do because .... I feel like it comes across as bragging?

Right now, I'm a graveyard manager at a grocery store. There's a group of homeless folks and "tweakers" that come in and shop. Most of the staff don't like them. There are some legitimate reasons for that for most of the folks, but also a lot of bias. I am happy to wait on these folks and friendly with them, just like I am with any customer. One of them is very nice back and always make sure to take some time to talk to her. She told me recently about how badly she gets treated at the other grocery store in town. They make fun of her for being homeless within her hearing :( I am glad to know our staff don't do that.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

It feels so weird and so sad to me, as I observe others throughout my daily travels, at how often the simplest acts of kindness get misinterpreted as being so many things they aren't, often convincing many to just keep to themselves, no matter what.

It seems we have been conditioned right into an ongoing state of fearing others, with or without a diagnosis of ptsd. The whole divide and conquer mindset is running rampant and picking up speed.

It seems to be the accepted and often expected way of the day now. So many remaining on edge, in constant fright, battling inner turmoil, outrunning the next disaster, chasing each daily headline, fighting for their lives in one form or another, re-living nightmares, drowning in unspeakable pain, etc.

I'm so glad people talk about kindness and the random acts they do. Rather than view it as bragging, it feels like seeds are being planted with each share and chances of good things to grow increase with each set of eyes that read about it. A welcomed distraction from the "norm".

Otherwise, it feels like yet another expected silence of some sort, which uncomfortably reminds me of the times I was made to be silent for the worst of things.

Grateful for the huggers (especially those who ask first) and the do gooders of the world (be it vocal or silent). You, along with the simple beauty of nature, remind me why life is worth living. Hugs from my heart to yours.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

more toward men than women... I do not feel threatened by a woman hugging me

Those who know me well always ask and never from behind, behind is traumatic for me. But every once in a while I have someone who casually knows me (like in PHP or at the drop in center I go to) who hugs me without asking, and sometimes from behind. Even those who ask, I only let those who I trust A LOT, like the members in my trauma group. Problem is sometimes there is not enough time to stop them especially if its from behind, from the front sometimes there is time.

Hugging is a number 1 type trigger for me. Because a majority of my abuse in 1977-78 involved holding for long periods of time from behind, while intentionally provoking me to make me more upset. (part of what they called the browndale approach which has since been discredited as Harmful and abusive). I am getting a little tense just writing this.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

I was uncomfortable starting this thread because I dread the thought that someone might think I'm bragging. I took the risk, though, because as @Tornadic Thoughts mentioned, it plants the seeds. Also, it's a reminder that kindness doesn't have to cost anything but your time and/or attention. Also, I can only post here when I'm present, and committing acts of kindness pulls me into the present.

 

[ladee]

Mal, I think this is a great thread.. on another forum , for different people, it may be interpreted as bragging, here we read it different....One thing that came to mind, is that for some of us, an act of kindness is very powerful growth.... that we have worked so hard to get 'our self' back, that we actually have a little bit to give away now...and we can share among our selves this growth and it is understood.....and it sets the example of 'safe' ways to be kind to others....and it also teaches us to 'accept' kindness.
Not every one we come in contact with is danger or has a hidden agenda, and it teaches us to trust our own intuition about a 'safe' situation.

This thread has potential to be a huge teaching thread.... and for us to over come our own fears of how something we do can be interpreted by our peers. Usually, if our peers here are supportive.... we know we are on the right track...

There is a huge community , worldwide, on FB, that makes things, and leaves them in random places , sometimes with a note that it is a surprise for who ever finds it....sometimes with the name and info of the FB group....the replies from people who find things is so grounding in humanity.... someone was having a really hard day, found something, and they thank the person for helping them to see good in our world....

We live in such fearful troubled times... kindness is a much needed affirmation for life.... so, thank you for starting this thread.... I hope it is here for a very long time.... gentle hugs to you Cap'n...

 

[Deleted member 37085]

First, I would like to welcome you to the forum, Sheree! I'm glad you found us. I'm glad, too, that...

Yes! @Mal re petting zoo idea. For I will never forget the missionary Doris Shover who took me and my sis to petting zoo when we were w/alc. father, and no mother. Good memory!