Acts Of Kindness

[Deleted member 33052]

My belief has always been to be kind to others no matter who what where they are.
Kindness seems...

How did I miss this comment?!?

First, thanks, Killa, for sharing that story! I loved it! And I find that there's something really special about sharing smokes or that sort of thing. It's almost like a brotherhood... :)

One of the reasons I started this thread was because I think that in this aggressive, paranoid world, some of us are afraid to try to share of ourselves to strangers. We're conditioned to believe that they are going to hurt us, and that makes me so sad. As you mentioned, people like us who have suffered from abuse seem so much more compassionate than the rest of the population. Helping others does help us. It's a win/win.

Was leaving a store yesterday, and a woman is coming down the sidewalk with a double stroller with two li...

Oh, ladee, that was beautiful! I have tears, too.

Not only will that young woman never forget your kindness, she'll be looking for opportunities to pass it on!

 

[ladee]

I feel like she will Mal, because she had such a gentle nature.... she was one tired frazzled mom...I don't envy her raising two babies so close together.... but they have a great mom !!!

 

[Deleted member 33052]

I can't remember if I posted this before or not, but when my son was a little baby he did nothing but cry. He had me so worn out for his first 11 months, that I didn't know if I was coming or going. One day we were at the grocery store and he was wailing and I was so exhausted that I began to cry as well. This wonderful woman and her teenage son were ahead of me in the line and they offered to bag my groceries and hold my son for a while and just give me a break. I was so grateful that I will never forget that kindness.

Tears of hopelessness and despair can so quickly turn to tears of gratitude. It takes one simple act

Now that I think about it, I'm not even sure if they offered to bag my groceries. I think the young man just reached his hand out for my bags and I handed them to him automatically and he just started bagging. They didn't make me feel like I was imposing or a poor excuse for a mother or below them in any way.

Ever since then I go out of my way to look for women with screaming crying children. Not just women, men as well. Sometimes all they need is a more experienced person telling them that they will survive this.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

I can't heal the world, but I can do my tiny bit to help.

Yes I'm with @Mal Content, for I too also know that I can't heal anyone however I can do my small itty-bitty part to try and brighten up someone's day like at tender-hearted @ladee did e.x. holding the door for someone. I believe Mother Teresa said: "Small things done with great love will change the world." And there's the old tale that it takes more muscles to frown than to smile at someone and perhaps that person has just lost a child to cancer, or they were just told they have less than a month to live, or perhaps they just lost their one and only best friend to cancer. Whatever the case may be...

There's enough mean and cruel people in this world so I want to try and spread good will rather than going around dumping on people. Just me, and since I've first-hand personally experienced bad karma and the what goes around comes around I've had enough of that sick merry-go-round to last me for another lifetime.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

I found another great quote for this thread:

No one is useless in this world so lightens the burden of it for anyone else. - Charles Dickens

I've received another act of kindness. The kids who work at my favourite coffee place are wonderful. Lately, a young guy has been offering up extremely silly jokes every time I see him.

I'm thinking of making my son perform one act of kindness a day through summer break. I think he had trouble thinking of others. I'm sure he'll hate the idea, but he's already sullen and moody, so I probably won't even notice. :p

 

[EmmaOwl]

My acts have been small but consistent. Eye contact, always eye contact, a smile, a nod, an attitude of willingness in case someone needs a bit of connection. I can't heal the world, but I can do my tiny bit to help.

This makes a big difference. Sometimes I get exhausted when I go out, and part of that is spending energy trying to be "on" and a friendly, good person as I go about tasks. I like to counterbalance all the people (including me sometimes) who run around with scowls on their faces!

Anyone... You know, the receptionist at the doctor's office when the doctor is late. She needs a smile and perhaps a kind word! That type of thing. Sometimes I can't help it and it is tiring. But what if that's the nicest thing anyone says to her?, after snipping and sniping, when it isn't HER fault. (Yes, yes I know there are times when I am grumpy, too. It varies. I'm not a saint! :D )

I pass someone and I smile and they smile back (some) and I say thank you, and they smile (some) bigger! I love doin' this.

Yup me too. And it can be appreciated by other people in city or backwater, in my experience, it doesn't matter where. If someone thinks I'm weird, screw it - I don't pester people who don't want to be bothered - but some people,... it's just nice. Makes the world go 'round in a better way.

Eye contact, always eye contact, a smile, a nod, an attitude of willingness in case someone needs a bit of connection.

however I can do my small itty-bitty part to try and brighten up someone's day like at tender-hearted @ladee did e.x. holding the door for someone.

Agreed on ALL these counts. Sometimes I wonder if I picked it up partly as a Southern thing, as my mom spent her first 20 years in the Deep South. (One example is getting dressed up for the doctor. I do not do that! But when I was little that's what she did.) I think that's part of it. But my father is unfailingly polite in public, too. I swear he'll get upset if he doesn't "get" to open the door for someone else lol
The thing is this all has to be genuine, and it is clear from everyone posting here that there are lots of genuinely kind people, and that is enough, to make one's way through the world.

Mal how old is your son? I'm not sure if you should actually try to force someone to be kind? On the other hand, I'm not a parent, so I don't know.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

@Allie D. He just turned 16. I don't know if I should force him to, either. I seem to stumble through parenthood, never knowing what is the best thing to do. He's a really nice kid, but totally inwardly-focused right now. I thought this might bring him back out at least once a day.

I would be grateful for any opinions on this.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

I thought this might bring him back out at least once a day.
I would be grateful for any opinions on this.

No children here @Mal Content and because of trauma I too had been so inward-focused - somewhat but not altogether like your sixteen year old son. Hope it's okay to say I would not force him to do a daily random act of kindness (((Mal)))! Hope okay to say this! Please. At sixteen years he may end up with a serious resentment over being told to do them (acts of generosity). And I truly believe him watching you initiating the loving acts (in front of him) over time I strongly feel may be a more positive productive approach to your achieving your goal and may even have a further long-term impact on your son (that he sees you doing this a lot and picks this up and runs with it). I firmly believe then your son will start to emulate you and initiate his own random acts of benevolence. That's just me and again no children so not drawing from any parenting skills for I'm just now learning to try and healthily parent myself Mal.

I found another great quote for this thread:
No one is useless in this world so lightens the burden of it for anyone else. - Charles Dickens

Again like this quote you posted by Dickens. So Mal as you continue to outwardly express love for others in front of your son, I fervently feel he'll vicariously start to experience this loving interaction through you and the receiver of your random acts of genorosity. This magical human interaction mutually reciprocated during these gifts i.e. opening doors, carrying stuff, etc. taking place in front of your son will I believe spark and ignite in your son and be the positive influential catalyst (as this did it for me Mal way back when?) to get him personally and instinctively stimulated and involved in doing some of his own loving random acts of kindness. Just me here.:hug:

Him watching his mom bring smiles to random fortunate people's faces I believe again as it was for me will be the Now Mal this is just my suggestion that's all. I love ya Mal (((((((HUGS))))))):hug:

 

[ladee]

He's 16. I would be more worried if he wasn't self involved.I totally agree with @Junebug. You are setting the example. And he's a guy. No way is he going to do some things that seem normal to us. He'll be ok. Just love him.

 

[EmmaOwl]

I'm not sure if you should

I think I phrased that poorly - of course you will do right for your son. I'm sure you took this as I intended but I want to make it clear - it's not my place to say what anyone should or shouldn't do.

Since I don't have kids, and apparently I am in storyteller mode, I will tell you about me as a kid and something that might help you think about this.

I'm sure he'll hate the idea, but he's already sullen and moody, so I probably won't even notice. :p

The summer I was 16 I was *forced* [not really forced, but my parents told me what to do like any teenager and I resented it!] to get a job other than babysitting - SO unfair, right??? Summer in New Jersey was for roaming the boardwalks, and watching Clerks 87 times, and stuff like that. Driving aimlessly. Sitting in the parking lot where Clerks was filmed. Eating White Castle burgers while listening to the Beastie Boys playing - this was waay before that Harold and Kumar movie! I liked to think I helped originate it, in a way, representing my high school quests, like seeing who can eat the most burgers. (I was a skinny thing but a dark horse due to a ridiculously high metabolism). What a goofball! My friends were doing other stuff too. I mean, my boyfriend was a few years older than me and he had a "real" job, but he still drove us around all the time :) So young!

Well, my parents said "You CANNOT spend the entire summer out till 2 and sleeping till noon. And did you buy ANOTHER pair of sunglasses at the kiosk in the mall?"
- Okay, they didn't really ask me that last question. But my adult mind is wondering this! My answer would probably have been: "They were 2 for 5 dollars and Lori wanted a pair so...." That was reason enough, at the time. Oh look at innocence lost.... Ha. But I was so lucky for some of those 16-year-old times. Including my parents 'forcing' me to get a summer job. Maybe it's weird, because I resented it, but now I look back on that with fondness.
Even when it was tax time, I had to file on my own. Well, with fallback support, and some help as needed. But it was so much better than leaving the house at 18 and not knowing anything at all, as some of my friends did.

So I worked as a cashier at a drugstore that summer into fall. I *hated* it, but I kept working for a few months when school started in the fall, and then I quit. School was good enough, during the year. Every kid is different. (Duh. Sorry. I can't believe I wrote that. How would I know?)

Anyway, could your son get some kind of an internship, or volunteer work, something to occupy him a couple days a week? Does he already have a job? I get what you're saying, about getting him to "appear" at least once a day. Volunteer work would probably not be a daily activity, but ... well, honestly, just easier than performing acts of kindness.
Because I am ultimately a pessimistic person, I can imagine arguments...or at least 'discussions'.. about what counts and what does not. ;)
I think I'm kinda with @ladee on this one - He's 16... He's a guy. You're his mother - he'll be fine!

 

[ladee]

Telling him he might need to get something part time is different... I was working by the time I was 14 at a little hamburger joint in our small town... I wasn't told to... i wanted my own money... to buy stuff my parents didn't have to know about... uh oh, there went the reason for him to get a part time job... My boys had summer jobs... now remember, if you have been following, this is from a mom that her oldest son hates her guts... so good luck raising teenagers.... I wouldn't do it again for all the money in the world...:meh:

 

[Deleted member 33052]

@ladee, I wouldn't do it again, either. Honestly, if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't even be a parent. I'm so sad that your son holds so tightly to his anger. I have a daughter who has the potential to do the same thing.

@ladee, @Allie D., @JadesJewel, I expect you're all right. I know you've all given compelling arguments on the *no* side, and I really appreciate your input. He does see me give of myself. And when we're together, I often pass him the money when we see someone begging. I talk about the importance of treating everyone - everything - with respect. He and I used to go out and pick up garbage when he was younger. I doubt I could talk him into that nowadays.

No job. No interests. No friends (his choice - he says people exhaust him). Aside from walking the dog every day, he does nothing but hide out in his bedroom.

His father treats him like a golden three-headed lamb with a weak heart and a gimpy leg, so I'm kind of tough on him. I think. I'm not even sure what being tough on a kid means, when there's no abuse. :p