Addicted to Instability

[OceanSpray]

I hate my living situation for several reasons and there’s a million reasons I can use for why I don’t push very hard to get out of it. The insane cost of trying to live by yourself right now being just one.

But I don’t push. I have a number of excuses why my current situation is “easier”, “economical”, etc. and they aren’t lies.

But I could try so much harder, I could do so many things, make so many different choices. But I’m so miserably comfortable where I am that the discomfort of those choices just doesn’t appeal. It’s easier to just sit back and fantasize.

God this sounds so lazy. Which isn’t wrong. I *am* lazy. At least compared to everyone else who has worked their butts off to be so much better off.

I guess I’m basically asking how to stop being so lazy/complacent and find the literal energy to work harder? I’m so tired all the time. Physically drained every day and I don’t even do anything hard enough to justify it. But it makes it to where I genuinely don’t understand how other people are able to exist the way they do.

But I’m wondering if there’s a deeper issue too. My childhood was the furthest thing from stable, my 20’s too. I don’t know how else to live really.

 

[Sophie678]

I’m sorry I’m just picking up on one word and prolly missing the point. I identify with being physically drained every day. I would go so far as to say wiped out. I need to go to see my doctor about it but I don’t because I’m fearful of my vulnerability being abused. If you are physically drained there may be a medical reason. If I am physically drained there may be a medical reason. Do we have something in common we can encourage each other with?

 

[Friday]

1. Strong second on ruling out medical causes, as that’s a great big giant EASY Button, if here is a physiological cause, that no amount of therapy or motivation will ever fix, but “magically” (scientifically) disappears when the ___INSERT 50,000 possible causes here; from asthma to diabetes to hormonal imbalce to infection to vitamin deficiency HERE___

All therapists are “supposed” to order a psych physical before diagnosing/treating a client, but very few do.

I guess I’m basically asking how to stop being so lazy/complacent and find the literal energy to work harder? I’m so tired all the time. Physically drained every day and I don’t even do anything hard enough to justify it. But it makes it to where I genuinely don’t understand how other people are able to exist the way they do.

2. I’m a huge proponent of “carrots”. As in whenever given the choice between the carrot or the stick? I choose carrot. Reward myself left/right/center with fun things, and adventure, delights both small & large, daily and long term.

3. When I’m making (planning to make) big changes in my life? True lifestyle changes? I EITHER

- Change everything all at once, or?
- Start with “just one thing”. Every single day I do JUST ONE THING… that I don’t usually do, without having to think about it. Then? As that becomes part of my normal? I do it again. ADD JUST ONE THING. And do it again, and again, and again, and again. Tying into the Carrot mindset? I START with one FUN thing. Or, at the very least, something I enjoy/like/want. Because the more “good” I add to my life? Both the better, and it creates an abundance of amazing that shoves out the bad organically, or at the very least makes it a helluva lot easier. Instead of starting with something I hate doing, or that I know I “should” do. Make it fun. Always. No reason to make hard things harder.

Either way works for me, but the middle ground simply doesn’t.

 

[OceanSpray]

I’ll definitely see what I can do about getting physically checked out. I really like the idea of the carrots, that constant tiny motivation. It kind of makes me feel like a spoiled little kid but I could see it working and that’s what matters. I’ve been working on making small changes. I used to try and do huge overhauls but they always backfired. The thing with the small changes is I have so little patience and so I feel like I’m going nowhere fast.

 

[arfie]

i salute the benefits of small changes heartily. when i attempt the huge overhauls, i am tracking so many variables that they all jumble together unmercifully and most messily. when i keep my changes small, one at a time, the side effects, et al, are much easier to track and evaluate. cleaning up the missed guesses is easier, too.

 

[Innordinate]

I don't believe in laziness. It's not a real thing, just something society uses to label what they don't understand.

Nobody sits around thinking "I want to suck at life and fail."

I do believe in self-sabotage.
Also, anxiety.

Both have the power to be debilitating.

Sometimes the mental energy needed to do daily tasks that for everyone else are "normal" and "easy" is so great I don't have energy to "improve" or "do better"
Not sometimes, 98% of the time.

Thats not lazy. My energy is just being used on huge tasks that aren't visible or measurable by society and truthfully most of those people who "work harder" wouldn't be able to handle my mental load for a day, let alone 30+ years.

My fears about change are also valid.

In the end I haven't "done better" or "pushed harder" or "changed" like I thought I should to get up to societal standards.
I changed my perception on what I actually do.
I stoped comparing my life to the others and find value in my actual accomplishments for myself.

Also found, with the anxiety etc, I will change my situation as needed once it hits a certain point, but not before, even if I hate it.
The reward for making the change has to outweigh the anxiety created by making that change. And my tolerance for familiar discomfort is a lot higher than my tolerance for unknown discomfort, but that's not an addiction to instability either.

Hopefully that all makes some sense.

 

[OceanSpray]

It does make sense and gives me a lot to think about, thank you. All of you.