Advice For My Kids

[lacey]

I am looking for advice on what to do with my 2 kids ages 7 and 4 both are girls. i am a suvivor of 3 rapes and 1 horrible uncle a mother and father that didn't care. I do care about my kids and they have more people to help with them than i did however my mental stability is another story, i don't know from one day to the next how i am going to feel or react to everyday situations which i know is not what they need. i dont want them growing up around someone who isn't "up to par" and them to think that i am how they should be.
my question is this should i send them to live with thier father in another state 300miles away and try to get me back on track or should i keep on trying to do it all? any input would be helpful...:think:

 

[Gravastorm]

Rock You Hard Place

That really is a hard road and I wish you safe journey upon it.

I made a very similar decision many years ago and gave my son to my parents. In my case it turned out to be both the right and wrong path. While it may have saved us both from harm it did not deliver either of us from heartache.

My only advice is to always be honest with your girls, especially the eldest. Not necessarily full disclosure but do not make up a story to cover what you might think of as your frailty. Don't try to put yourself on the "mommy" pedestal for their eyes. Children are sometimes much more resilient and insightful than we adults give them credit for.

 

[trial'n'error]

Of course you are the best judge of your situation but...

Could there be a compromise, like the 3 of you moving to the 300 mile away state and getting more support from the kids' dad that way? (ie more visitation, help with them when you are in crisis etc). Of course it depends on the particulars of why you live where you do, and your relationship with him, but if it's good enough for you to send the girls to him maybe it's good enough to elicit his support in that way. Then your kids do not have to be separated from you, and perhaps you might get more of your needs met while not missing out on the kids' lives.

 

[pandora]

Is there father willing able and stable???? Do you have assistance at home...routine therapy, help from family members.

It is a hard question...i know my son would fall apart if he didn't stay with me, although he has special needs.

I do all the self help work I can in order to be a healthy Mom and to teach him the proper things he should be doing. I do everything on my own now. Some of us can do it...but when symptoms are really bad it seems next to impossible. Are you having more good days than bad days...and on the good days are you able to handle it?
Would you be able to deal with such a lenthy separation? Just a few things to consider.

Are you working and if you are...do you qualify for disability? Do you have a community mental health agency in your area that may be able to come to your home to help? And....are you in trauma therapy...EMDR or CBT???? They have helped me a lot and I am a single Mom with no help from his Dad or not many people for that matter...I am surviving...have good and bad days but i manage. I hope I am not being too forward...just some options......and success you can have PTSD, make it manageable and be a good Mom. You are always going to have PTSD symptoms but you have to learn to control certain aspects to make it manageable. I am not perfect and have many bad days but I am both parenting and dealing with PTSD and a back injury, my son also has tourettes, aspergers and OCD.....blah, blah....It is amazing how much we really can deal with...one minute at a time and one foot in front of the other.

 

[lacey]

a reply to all your input wich is really helpful i need more than 1 brain right now.. Yes thier father is an all aroud good guy he just wasnt for me, he has more help than i do when it comes to our girls, stable and very much able! my worry is me. i feel so out of place without them they are my reason for being. however i never graduated and really want to do that i made a promise 2 my grandpa, the only man that didnt abuse me, that i would graduATE. I am in the middle of a rock and a hard place.
i chose to send them there. and now i dont feel like i belong newhere not even in my own home! i wish i knew how to right all my wrongs (mentally) and thanks again for your advice!:smile: