Advice Needed

[Kaylee Cain]

I have a friend who is in the military. I dont know a whole lot about what hes done and stuff but i do know he struggles with it. he goes back in 6 weeks he volunteered to do so. we have spoken a little bit on the subject like enough for me to know that he hates himself for things that hes seen and done. that he doesnt think that he can go to heaven. and hes mentioned that he wants to make sure that he doesnt come back this time. I dont know how serious he is about this he'll make comments saying like when i come back blah blah but than later say that hes not going to and that he'll make sure of it.

What i need help with is how can i let him know that there are so many people here that care about him and want him to come back. mom,dad, sister, brother, friends. that nobody looks at him differently and that he needs to forgive himself and love himself again. that what he thinks everyone is thinking about him is just him thinking that about himself. I dont want to say anything wrong and im not the closest person to him we used to be really good friends until we started getting older and just drifted but i still care about him enough as a person to not want anything to happen to him.

I thought about having his family and friends all write him letters to put in an envelope with some pictures of everyone and sending it with him so that he knows everyone cares and is supporting him and without judgement. maybe even having a paper with some bible verses.

just someone please let me know what you think. if that sounds like a good idea or not and if not what would be better.. its a real serious thing that i dont want to step on his toes about

 

[Nicolette]

Kaylee welcome! You sound like a good friend.

A lot of what us Carers know and have learned is through trial and error. There are common symptoms and reactions but then there are the different phases of the illness which you have to then factor in. If they have unmanaged PTSD you have less chance of getting through if there mindset is they don't need help, if they have unmanaged PTSD but have started seeking help then you have a better chance and so the story goes.

At the end of the day, you have known this man as a person and had a friendship with him. All I can suggest is you make your decision based on what you feel is right and that is all you can do. We could offer a hundred suggestions but 1. he has to be open and willing to accept the support and 2. you know him better than any of us so you have to trust yourself to some extent.

Personally I think the bible versus are a bit heavy if he is not religious and letters may be a bit heavy also. What about a photo with a short message on the back from these people?

 

[Kaylee Cain]

well hes not religious to the extent that he goes to church but he said that when he was in training and he read the bible over and over. that they would have an hour before bed to do something they wanted and he would just read the bible and i just thought that hearing stuff about soldiers in the bible will help the way he feels about himself. but yeah i think the picture with a short message on the back sounds alot better. thank you so much for your help

 

[Nicolette]

Kaylee I have removed your poll as I think member comments would be more appropriate.