Afraid I Might Lose My Father

[Deleted member 19804]

So this is a very difficult thing for me to talk about, but I really need your help. Let me give you a short background here:

My father has been unemployed and alternating between light and extreme depression for quite a few years now. He has a lot of physical problems that keep him from being very active, because he's in pain a lot.
I am one of the lucky people to have had a very stable and happy relationship with both of my parents since I was born. But over the past few years I have become increasingly worried about their well-being, my father's especially.

The reason I am reaching out now is this. For a long time he was angry and frustrated with himself and the world. But recently he has expressed to me that he has pretty much given up. He told me he feels he can no longer be of any use, because he no longer "provides for us".
Of course that is absolutely ridiculous and I have tried everything to convince him that he is so incredibly important to everyone and that he deserves to be happy. But he doesn't listen and sticks to his idea of the "truth". I'm really afraid that one day something will happen and it will all just be too much for him. And I don't ever want to lose him, I love and need him so much more than he realizes.

Does anyone know what I can do to help him? I'm really scared

 

[scout86]

Is he being treated for depression? That might be the place to start. If he is, maybe his therapist or doctor needs to hear more about how he's really doing.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

@scout86 thank you for replying so fast. He used to go to a therapist, but he quit some time ago. He says he can see through all of their tricks so it would be useless to go.

 

[Anarchy]

<dislike> that he is so low.

Tackling that kind of rigid thinking is way beyond our abilities.

I agree with Scout, whoever has been providing professional care for him, needs to know exactly what you have shared here.

You and your mum also need to look after yourselves, please don't neglect yourselves while this is going on
Sending you hugs Snow.
@

 

[Anarchy]

OK, your GP is probably the first point of contact.

when do your summer holidays from university start?

 

[scout86]

He might need to find a smarter therapist. (I'm serious!) Of course, medication can be a big help with depression too, but I don't like the idea of JUST medication, myself.
\

 

[Anarchy]

A psychiatrist who I know, said that he has used medications in order to get an opening in the wall of rigid negative thoughts, so he could begin using talking therapies.

In one case, he got approval for doses way beyond the recommended, and it worked. it was the talking therapies (and some mountain climbing) that got the patient to begin to rebuild his world.

 

[GrayOwl]

Wow. I'm 60. Lightly disabled.
What keeps me going is hope and loved ones.
They don't have to dote over me, just show up once in a while. That's all.
What a huge difference that makes. Love and warmth.
Keep sharing. You're both fortunate.

Now more seriously...the others above make so much sense.
Especially the part where You and Mum Need To Take Care Of Yourselves !!!
Don't neglect yourselves.

Thanks for sharing. I hope he perks up.
Does he enjoy jigsaw puzzles, anything?
Sending :hug:.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am so sorry @Snowwhite . it is so sad when people give up the fight and want to die. I think making him as comfortable as possible and spending time with him will be beneficial. He may need to see a GP but only he will choose whethor or not to go. I understand about having depression for a very long time and I understand how frightening this is for you. You must be so scared.

So make sure you guys do take care of yourselves and your father and be with him and tell him how much he means to you through your life. Keep nothing back and you will not have regrets. Who knows this extra special attention his way might perk him up a little. :hug:

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Thank you all for your suggestions and support. It's really helpful.

I'm on my way to my parents right now and I'll stay there for the night. I've already asked my mom to have a talk this evening. I'm not sure if she knows how bad things are and I need to know what to do.
Unfortunately I'll have to work the coming three days, so I'm not sure if I'll travel back and forth on those days.

@Anarchy my summer holidays actually started today. I'm not taking classes in June, I'll only be working and preparing for a resit exam.
This may be a silly question, but what do I tell the GP and what can he do? My dad and I go to the same one, but the GP can't just call my dad up and tell him to come in or something.

I like the psychiatrist's idea of starting medication before trying to break through his walls. That's what worked with me.

Hugs back.

@GrayOwl he used to enjoy sports but he can't do much of that anymore. I think he still likes cooking. And he likes to work. He is an incredibly hard worker.

@gizmo I will try to spend more time with him. I really hope talking to my mom tonight will help us find a way to help him. I know we should take care of ourselves, too, but it's really hard. Honestly, I am not my biggest priority right now.
And yes, I am very scared. This morning my hands were literally shaking. But I texted my dad and we're going to watch a movie together. I am looking forward to that. :hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Snow, I am so sorry. I understand how stressful this situation is for you and for your mom. I really hope that together you guys can come up with a plan. Good luck on the test.:hug:

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Yesterday I had a good talk with my mom about my worries. She told me Dad had not expressed this to her, this was the first she heard of it. She also said that he has been starting to do better, because he recently got a volunteering job that he does really well and gets lots of positive feedback on. She also thinks it's not fair that Dad is unloading his unhappiness and feelings of hopelessness on me. I agree with her on that, but I'm glad at least he told someone about this, even if it has to be his daughter.

Mom encouraged me to write him a letter, because that is more likely to get through to him. And he could look at it as much as he wants. So I've started working on that and I will give him the letter this weekend.
It's really hard and emotional to do this, but I want to do this for him. He deserves to know that he is loved by and important to a lot of people. I wish he could see how great he really is.