Every day seems to bring some new bizarre memory that I find hard to believe. I feel like I was brainwashed and it has taken 50 years to start to emerge from it.
I had a similar realization/breakthrough when I recognized the systematic
'brainwashing' from my parents, justifying their behavior with similar cloaking comments like 'We're doing this because we love you'; or shaming based (programming) comments like 'You should know ...','You should be ...', etc.; or deflecting responsibility comments like 'We didn't know any better', 'Everyone did what we did', etc.
Yes, truth realization can be very painful and unsettling, sometimes destructive or devastating. The truth can set you free, but that requires knowing the truth, which typically comes through forced life circumstances and self-courage to discern and believe when a truth comes to light.
Unfortunately many of the old patterns of 'denial and distraction' indirectly created self-ignorance which kept past brainwashing intact. Believing a lie or half-truth can be quite comforting, especially to an overwhelmed child, but lies can keep you trapped in the past.
Maybe it's similar to how a caterpillar radically transforms into a beautiful butterfly. The cocooning period can be when the 'true self' (or inner child) goes into hiding and hibernation hidden in the safety of dissociation within our unconscious. The protective cocoon shell is all the coping strategies and common symptoms of PTSD to keep the 'true self' hidden, like:
brainwashing, coping strategies, denial, distraction, control, blame, projections, resentment, etc. Then the butterfly transformation is the process of truth realization through the unwinding of all deceptions, which metamorphosizes a person to emerge as an integrated conscious self-aware adult.
The more a truth hurts, the more likely there's a conflicting false belief or assumption that's being desperately held onto. Truth will lead you closer towards reality, but can be initially uncomfortable. Old beliefs are familiar and comfortable but also can keep you in the dark, supporting illusions and delusions. The bright light of reality can be very shocking to eyes that are used to darkness. But with time and exposure, the ability to adjust to the light comes, and then you can start to see all the vivid variety of colorful expressions and to enjoy and participate within the abundant world of life.
"If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you." - Gospel of Thomas
