Alcohol Use

[MarkHutt]

I suppose my alcohol use is typical for C-PTSD?

My alcohol use started when I was 16 or 17, and I've been a binge drinker ever since - on average I've gotten drunk in practice every weekend (well, the last month had been exception) since that - for 26 years.

Three years ago move to a new apartment, new job, etc., got a lot of stress on me, and I started to drink. A lot. Every day. That led to psychosis after a few weeks. During that episode, I met a woman (15 years older than me, alcoholic and had Parkinson's), she moved to my place in we were supposed to get married. Naturally we drank every day.

After a some 3-4 months of drinking, I somehow suddenly decided not to drink for a few days. That's when my recovery begun and I started to understand the reality. It was hard to get the woman out of my apartment, she had keys, she started to be violent, and I had to call police 2 times to escort her out. It was not a nice period, as that "witch" tried to force her way in every second night, while I was extremely afraid just because of stopping drinking after 3-4 months of boozing.

Well, I still drink, but now only one day on weekends. Still, there's a problem even with that: Getting drunk just feels so good, that if I'm in some restaurant or a night club, I never remember the last hours, not to mention about getting home. Many times I've lost my glasses or wallet or cellphone, or got somewhat hurt by falling down somewhere, etc.

So, even when I know I should really not drink that much, after, say 5-6 beers, it's like "oh, what a hell"... It feels like getting a holiday from All Troubles.

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

Mark -

I started drinking at 13 yrs old. Drugs soon followed (for 3 years) I would try anything you put in front of me (and yes I was re-victimized as a result). Then I gave birth to my daughter - the drugs went away but the drinking was always my fall back. I've had periods of time where I would drink a 6 pack a night, and then only drink on the weekends (raising my hand to acknowledge the binge drinking also).

Up until very recently I was still binge drinking on the weekends but discovered that it definately increased my depression afterwards - so for a couple of months I've stopped. Of course, now it's difficult to socialize, what with being the sober one in the crowd and not having that "cushion" I relied on all those years - but it's getting a little easier and sometimes I just can't go.

It does feel like a holiday from all troubles doesn't it? But seriously (at least in my case) it truly made it worse afterwards,

I do think this is typical of PTSD in general and with C-PTSD it's extremely common. We all develop coping skills - few of them are healthy in the beginning.

 

[helena]

Hi Mark,

I'm not a sufferer but carer and alcohol has been a massive downfall in his life and our relationship.

I'm beginning to think that it is probably more difficult to give up than hard drugs because it is so socially acceptable to drink, it is continually advertised on tv, magazines etc and is (here in UK at least) part and parcel of each and every occasion from christenings to funerals.

Very hard to tell someone that alcohol is bad and a drug when even the priests are knocking back glasses of red wine.

I'm glad you are learning to recognise the dangers and trying to get a handle on it... good luck and look forward to seeing your around the forum

Helena

 

[Estelle]

I used drinking as a coping mechanism for many years -- decades -- even through a DUI where I should have realized that I had a problem. It took a second DUI before I came to that realization, but I still continued to relapse a couple times over a matter of years. I've been sober for 16 months, and a day doesn't go by where I wish I could have a drink or two to forget about life for a while.

Unfortunately, alcohol is a depressant and the more you drink, the worse the depression gets. The high is short lived, and frankly, it's better to face life sober than drunk because all sorts of other problems crop up when you are drinking to cope. To quit drinking over the long term, you have to find new friends and new places where drinking isn't involved or a part of life, which is very hard to do when your friendships are with people who like to drink, even if they are moderate drinkers.

My experience is that I cannot drink responsibly, so I should not drink at all. The consequences are too great. Sooner or later, life will catch up with you if you don't get it under control.

I wish there were an easier way. But once alcohol has you in its power, the only way out is to cut it out of your life.

Estelle

 

[NarcSis]

okay, all binge drinkers, please raise your hands. See my hand up??? I know for damn sure I'm not the only one.

I've always been a binge drinker with a conscience though - I needed to maintain some sense of responsibility, thus if I started to sing (that's my 'drunk' coming out) I'd usually BACK AWAY FROM THE ALCOHOL. I mostly drink to the point of silly, there is the occassional weekend some months where I get 'slap happy' by myself but its rare. Summer is a big binge time for me, I won't go on a bender or anything, just sit around with friends, drink around 4-6 drinks during the afternoon a couple of days in a row or have a 'party' on the weekend where I'd get happy enough to sing. This is our thing, we're a musical family, pull out the guitars, build a fire and sing till the cows come home (or someone gets 'mean drunk').

I hear you about the 'hooking up' with another 'party animal'. Seen it too many times in my community growing up, my uncles, my aunts, its happened to many people I know. They're mean as dogs when sober, bite like 'em too. I knew a couple who actually decided to get straight together - it worked out for them, clean for at least 8 years before he developed cancer...it was all downhill from there and after he died she didn't know what to do except turn back to alcohol and 'hook up' again.

My uncle got straight after years, he couldn't ditch his woman either. He told her if she really loved him and not the booze she'd join him...she found someone else to move in with - they were in their 50s!!!

When it comes to a history of abusing alcohol, unfortunately, it has to be All or Nothing. It doesn't really work any other way. You can't create respect for it 'down the road', the respect has to come from the outset.

*Funny, I just wrote a whole thing about alcohol in my diary.....

Don't let it burn you, walk away and find a kinder vice.

 

[eyebiter]

Hang in there I was a drunk for about 1/3 of my life. From 18 untill about 32, three to seven times a week i would get snot puking drunk!

Then I met the most giving,caring, and beatiful woman in my life. I quit drinking and drugs completely...that was 20 years ago.

I have PTSD and I know that if I had one drink I would be gone for good(bad), for me it is all or nothng.

The trama that effected me was almost two years ago, I was feeling so bad I even quit smoking. Thinking that was why my health was going down hill.

I got terminated from my job, that I loved, two months ago. It would have been easy to start smoking again, but my wife finally talked me into seeking help.

I quess the point of all this babel is we may suffer but we all can stand if we don't use crutches

 

[seaworthy]

Before I got all Traumatized and fragmented into dissociated identities, I knew I was an alcoholic ('88). I knew I was an alcoholic because I believed in the description of the alcoholic that is in the AA Big Book in the "Doctor's Opinion". I had a physical craving to drink more after exposure to alcohol and I had an obsession about drinking. As I worked through the 12 steps, I worked them also on my then well-known Traumatic events and how they affected me.

Since starting to dissociate in '91 after serious head injuries and massive psychological Trauma AND amnesia, I drank again. I have spent 18 years now trying to get continuously sober again and ABLE to work the steps. I can't see any order or true memory to what is Traumatizing me so and I can't examine or inventory it. For a long time, me and therapist rationalized that I was drinking to 'treat' my Trauma and when I got better I would be able to drink 'normally'. The years of alcohol...daily, binge, periodic, maintenance, or to calm down after being triggered...the fact is that the alcohol just fried my brain and memory more and the physical craving and obsession for alcohol OWNED me. I felt victimized by my alcoholism.

I am having a difficult time with AA as to how to apply the steps and the fellowship to me with my c-PTSD and my Dissociative Identity Disorder. They either don't understand or say that I'm making it all up, which increases my denial and avoidance of my PTSD.

 

[eyebiter]

I feel for you, I quit on my own and I just know if I ever take that first one I would be right back at it!!! I have been sober over 20 years.

The CPTSD is tough but I really think it would be tougher if I drank. I wish I had the answers for you, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

What about finding a short version of the symptoms and handing it out at a meeting, maybe a few will get it and want to find out more.

 

[cragger65]

I started drinking at 13, and have had an on-again-off-again love affair with the vice most of my life. Without a doubt, it has been a coping mechanism for me... drown out the pain, so I can still function. I quit drinking all together about 5 years ago. For myself, I find that I can have the odd beer now, because I truly have lost my taste for it. I don't miss it, quite frankly, and it feels a lot better just to talk about my shit now than to drown it out for just another day. That's just pushing the pain ahead of you like a snow plow, hoping you won't ever have to feel it or deal with it.

It surely didn't happen overnight, but things have changed for me. Now obviously, I'm still a freaking mess, as my posts will attest ;D, but I don't deny it any more and I think that's a good thing.

As for AA, I found some people in the group way to pushy, and others way too judgemental. They also have this fixation that "alcohol is the problem", when in reality it merely masks the problem. That's my take, anyway. I should say though, that I've seen AA do a lot of good for some people, so I don't knock it. It just wasn't for me.

Best of luck with everything, keep talking it out,
Dave

 

[Nicky31]

Hi Mark

I admire your courage in speaking out about this on the forum and for your efforts to tackle this devastating illness. It must be tough and many don't make it, but you are learning and changing and can only do it in your time. I was raised by a binger. She never had this much courage or self awareness. I applaud you.:clap: Keep up the good work even when it seems tough.

Nicky

 

[Deleted member 541]

Started drinking at 15....Quit in my late 30's... Had one relapse in my 40's, and haven't had a drink in about 15 years.....

It's a coping skill, a lousy one, but it will work...FOR AWHILE!!!! Then it won't work anymore, and you will eventually have to face the very shit, that you are trying to drink away....Sucks, but it's the truth.....

 

[seaworthy]

Thanks for all the supporting supplies. I am resolved to getting sober. Sometimes I feel like some part of me drinks as a re-enactment of the abuse. If I drank, then I would be hurt as much. It's also kind of like 'cutting'...a reaffirmation of something. I'm not drinking now, but I'm always scared of it.