Sufferer Alone In My Home. Hello To All. I Am New To This Site. I Was Prompted To Seek Such A Site Because I

[Dennis Spain]

I am alone in my home. I was prompted to find such a site as this because I am about to call my current marriage quits. I have been diagnosed with PTSD since 1992 and I am 90% disabled because of it and a few physical limitations. I live with a wife who is not one to communicate with me about my hurts. When I attempt to explain my condition to her she shuts down and asks me "why don't I just get over it"? When she becomes angry she resorts to calling me "crazy" and other hurtful words. We have a 14 y/o autistic son and I believe he is the only reason I had stayed in this relationship for this length of time. However; it is getting to the point where as I cannot tolerate her coldness and harshness anymore. I try to do things with her that make me absolutely uncomfortable, such as going shopping, attending her hostile family gatherings, and allowing my personal space to be violated, but she does not know when I have had enough until I voice it, and then she shuts down. I feel it is over. Comments welcome.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum Dennis. :)

 

[john1963]

Hi Dennis:

Welcome to the forum, yup I hear ya so much, that what you just wrote could be my life story.

I was married for 21 years 3 kids, 1 income. I got very sick to the point I was homeless, and in so much pain i just wanted to die.

My wife filed for divorce in 2008 and i left with a tooth brush.

I lost every thing, but most of all the things I lost. It's my mind that I missed the most.

You will find peace here, and support from strangers that care.

The stage you are at now I have been there brother. It sucks, and hurts deeper than words can explain.

My words of hope for you. It will get better. Read lots, and fight for your life.

 

[Anna]

Welcome to the forum. I have a similar situation. Especially the family gatherings. *cringes*

 

[Eleanor]

Welcome to the forum Dennis :). I am so sorry you are without support in your home:(. I am very hopeful you will find very good support here tho! Wishing you strength and healing for the days ahead...

 

[Elisacullen21]

Welcome to the forum Dennis.

I know how hard is PTSD. I live it! But I'm here for you. Kisses and I wish you the best. You are strong. We are strong. Never forget that.

 

[PTSD sufferer]

Hi Dennis,

Welcome to the forum. I was without support from my family since birth, and when I became ill or needed them I got just the opposite, so I know how you are feeling.

Relationships are difficult, and when there is PTSD in the relationship it can be hard on both of you. Having an autistic child must also bring a lot of joy but a lot of worries too. Everyone has core beliefs or stressors that can trigger an adverse reaction. Your wife would have her own issues too, and these are her issues not yours. But we can still apply some empathy, patience and kind words to the situation to sooth each other.

My hubby used pretty much the same language as your wife when I was first ill. When I calmly (after a cuppa) asked my hubby why he reacted that way when I was asking for his support, we learnt a lot more about each other. He has since learnt about my condition and also himself. We have established boundaries of 'no go areas' (like you the in-laws were out) and that has been enforced. We still argue, but it is not as emotionally changed as it was. Things are much brighter now because we understand each other better.

If there is hope for your relationship you might like to print some of the information about what PTSD is, and the Supporter Information Sheets from this forum to give to your wife to read over so that she can understand what is going on better. Knowledge does help. The 'PTSD Relationships' book recommended on this forum has also been useful for Supporters. This may help to dialogue without being so emotionally charged - whether that conversation is reconciliation or closure it is a conversation worth having.

Whatever the outcome, I hope life will be much brighter for your soon.

Much love, PS