i haven't really ever had a good relationship with my mom. she's overprotective (to the point where i'm reduced to being a helpless child without her, and i am already 16 years old), is a perfectionist, is a helicopter parent, and, worse, refuses to believe that my depression, anxiety, and PTSD are real. my dad is the same; he's just not as outspoken as she is, and mostly just watches from the sidelines. he's much more mellow, though, thankfully.
my relationship with my dad has always been okay. not great, but not bad. it's because when it comes to my mental health, he is nowhere to be found, so i never talk about it with him. with my mom, though, she tries to force all of my feelings out of me, then gets mad when i get defensive, but then minimizes and invalidates how i feel when i finally give in and tell her. so my relationship with my mom is a little worse, but it's gotten better now that i have completely stopped talking to her about my mental health.
it's really difficult to explain my childhood. it wasn't like it was bad, not really. we're well off; i am lucky to be able to say that i am very privileged. my parents both are and have always been physically invested in me and my brother (too much, almost), but were/are emotionally absent (for lack of a better way to put it). has anyone else gone through this?
i need help with figuring out where i should go from here.
when we get into arguments, it's a lose-lose situation with my mom, ALWAYS, because she likes to pull the "you're being disrespectful, stop talking back" card or the "don't give me that attitude" card and turns it on me essentially, and successfully evades having to own up to, or take accountability for, anything she did wrong at first.
sometimes, after the fact, she will apologize, but it's not like she changes her behavior after that. it's always the same thing all over again. and usually i just get yelled at, she'll leave for work, and then when she gets home suddenly she's in a great mood and acts like nothing happened and we never talk about it again. it's come to the point where even if she's completely wrong, i just don't even try saying anything anymore. it sucks but what else can i do?
it's not like they don't know that they do this. or maybe it really is purely unintentional. i have tried so many times to bring this up to both of them to try to fix our relationship, but it hasn't worked. i thought getting an adult to vouch for me (because they would trust the word of any old professional over their own damn child) would help, but it didn't. they always just go right back to where they started; the only difference is, i end up more hurt than i was the last time.
it's been at least two years since my therapist had to be the one to tell them that they were hurting me, and they said they would try to change, but what have they really learned so far? nothing. has anything really changed? no. in fact my relationship with my parents is even more complicated than it was before, because even after getting let down so many times by them i still tried again. i even entertained the thought of doing family therapy with them for a while, so i tried to let my guard down and let them in a little bit, but look where that got me: me crying, my mom crying and yelling at me and making me feel guilty, and my dad literally just standing there and not doing anything about it. and after that i haven't told them a single thing. so, really, it's only gotten worse.
i truly don't know what to make of this. i wish i could say i was angry, or even frustrated, but i'm not. in the end i'm just left feeling guilty, and hurt, and disappointed.
sorry this is so long. i guess i needed to vent. can anyone give me some advice as to what i should do? of course i want to have a better relationship with my parents, but i feel like i've tried everything. should i even try to press the issue any further? i'd really appreciate your help.
my relationship with my dad has always been okay. not great, but not bad. it's because when it comes to my mental health, he is nowhere to be found, so i never talk about it with him. with my mom, though, she tries to force all of my feelings out of me, then gets mad when i get defensive, but then minimizes and invalidates how i feel when i finally give in and tell her. so my relationship with my mom is a little worse, but it's gotten better now that i have completely stopped talking to her about my mental health.
it's really difficult to explain my childhood. it wasn't like it was bad, not really. we're well off; i am lucky to be able to say that i am very privileged. my parents both are and have always been physically invested in me and my brother (too much, almost), but were/are emotionally absent (for lack of a better way to put it). has anyone else gone through this?
i need help with figuring out where i should go from here.
when we get into arguments, it's a lose-lose situation with my mom, ALWAYS, because she likes to pull the "you're being disrespectful, stop talking back" card or the "don't give me that attitude" card and turns it on me essentially, and successfully evades having to own up to, or take accountability for, anything she did wrong at first.
sometimes, after the fact, she will apologize, but it's not like she changes her behavior after that. it's always the same thing all over again. and usually i just get yelled at, she'll leave for work, and then when she gets home suddenly she's in a great mood and acts like nothing happened and we never talk about it again. it's come to the point where even if she's completely wrong, i just don't even try saying anything anymore. it sucks but what else can i do?
it's not like they don't know that they do this. or maybe it really is purely unintentional. i have tried so many times to bring this up to both of them to try to fix our relationship, but it hasn't worked. i thought getting an adult to vouch for me (because they would trust the word of any old professional over their own damn child) would help, but it didn't. they always just go right back to where they started; the only difference is, i end up more hurt than i was the last time.
it's been at least two years since my therapist had to be the one to tell them that they were hurting me, and they said they would try to change, but what have they really learned so far? nothing. has anything really changed? no. in fact my relationship with my parents is even more complicated than it was before, because even after getting let down so many times by them i still tried again. i even entertained the thought of doing family therapy with them for a while, so i tried to let my guard down and let them in a little bit, but look where that got me: me crying, my mom crying and yelling at me and making me feel guilty, and my dad literally just standing there and not doing anything about it. and after that i haven't told them a single thing. so, really, it's only gotten worse.
i truly don't know what to make of this. i wish i could say i was angry, or even frustrated, but i'm not. in the end i'm just left feeling guilty, and hurt, and disappointed.
sorry this is so long. i guess i needed to vent. can anyone give me some advice as to what i should do? of course i want to have a better relationship with my parents, but i feel like i've tried everything. should i even try to press the issue any further? i'd really appreciate your help.
