Altered Perceptron

[Ollie]

Has anyone or does anyone exierience a altered perception that feels like there's no connection between A & B or like time is stood still, like there's no forward moving or getting up and going, it kind of feels like he brains just stopped dead from processing and you have to think on manual only there's no connection between thinking it and actually doing it because time and space feels stood still

this has been bothering me for 3 years and it's herrendous to be like - especially after being a person that loved the outdoors and getting around

now because of this was I feel I just stay in on my sofa and struggle to do anything - if I was to force myself to get up and motor on I get terrible head pains like I'm trying but the cogs are not turning so it creates head pain!

This perception / feeling I have becomes worse after crying (very out of frustration feeling like this)
I have always felt like this I use to peceptionally feel out, open, normal until one night my body suffered a huge tremor right through me as it happened it felt like my mind "shut down" and I've felt like this ever since, it fluctuates.

I can be like this for days then one day i become more cognitively open and aware and I can go out abd motor on, when I feel bad and I try to motor on I get bodily pains too that feel like burning and nerve pains, a psychiatrist told me it's dissociation but I read dissociation is nothing like this? When I feel bad and time is still and I feel disconnected it's the scariest feeling in the world!!! I freak out -Any help is greatful thank you!

 

[7Cs]

This does sound like dissociation to me.

 

[Kintsugi]

I agree--that's dissociation.

Can you describe any more? I have different types of dissociation as derealization. My most severe dissociation is when I feel like I'm completely numb, thoughtless, and paralyzed. Sometimes I have light hallucinations, but sometimes it's like a blackout. Often times, the room gets progressively darker until it seems like I'm in a pitch-black room.

Is it that bad? Or are you functioning on auto-pilot, but everything seems surreal, like you're a ghost in a dream?

 

[Bubba]

Yes I experience this when I'm being triggered. It's disassociation and it can be disconcerting. I don't get pains when I force myself to finally get going, but everything is surreal for a long time. I spend most of the time in a disassociative state, though, but that's because I've lived like this for 39 years. The only time I'm not is when I'm with my horses or dogs - my safe places. I'm so sorry that this is so painful for you (((hugs))). I wish I could give you some advise. All I can say is that you're not alone.

 

[Ollie]

Thank you everyone - I've been thinking I'm losing and all sorts - kind of feels like I'm going inwards and I can't perceptionally feel outwards perception like my minds going inwards on it's self - everynow and then I get a day/hour/ couple minutes of what I use to feel like before I fell ill but I always end up "shutting down" again - I lose all my awareness of around me, i can't access memories i can't even try to try if I do that physically hurts -

I don't do this consciously it just happens and I'm left dealing with the state I end up in, personally i think my nervous system is so stimulated the slightest thing can trigger this all to happen, even up beat music effects my nervous system and it happens - many of managed to go out in the car as a passenger but processing the drive the stimulation of trying to process it all is to much for my brain so I slowly feel I shutting down in to the state I described - I try to fight it stop it from happening but in the end I don't win and I'm left feeling very very bad!

I feel all o guilt and put a lot of pressure on my self, I have 2 young children so I feel like I'm not being a good parent to them when I have to "stay in" only because it's the easy option for myself as I know the troubles if I try, put me infront of a documentary something to take my mind away o keep me busy I'm but as soon as I stop I feel the feelings of frozen time like there's no motion no fawardness just me and my mind - I don't even feel emotion or feelings so no emotion or feelings and frozen time is a very very scary and frightening thing to experience.

I live for the minutes, hour or odd day where I feel a little normal i even get wisps of emotion and my vision is crystal clear and I can feel age thing very strong! I can go months as only have a hour feeling ok like this...

When I fee at my worst I hold on to my wife like a safety thing I know I'm safe I'm here.

I think I had security issues as a young child possibly left alone to cry or some where along the line I suffered a fear of being on my own or wasn't given the physical contact a child needs - I get over whelming feelings come and go that feel like I'm alone and I feel the panic in me like a strong emotion but I could be in a safe situation.

The pains are nerve pain - it's like my brains shut down making me feel inwards like I should just sit and not move or function but obviously I don't want to feel and live like this so I push myself as I feel to do normal as much as I can but using my mind physically hurts, trying to motor on hurts in my body and head, as there's no connection between thininking and doing if I think it then push myself to carry out that task the pain I get is un real! Burning nerve pains and it feels as though my brains off line but I'm trying to use it so it burns it hurts to try to mentally function instead of just sitting and thinking inwards to myself staring at the floor - I could do that all day the longer i do the worst I become!! The more I lose my awareness too.

( Sorry long post )

One last thing - I can wake feeling 95% if I pick up my phone to maybe look at Facebook or read something my mind starts going inwards my head tenses up and my vision goes blurry but it's like all my mind power goes to the front of my head and it triggers it all off, it's something to do with concentration triggerd...
I thought ADHD, dissociation or I have a issue with my brain in some nutrient way.

Thank you I can't tell you how lost I've been the last 3 years living like this it's great to get advice and help x

 

[Friday]

Agreed. Sounds like disassociation & anxiety.

 

[Ollie]

am I stuck like this for ever? 3 years it's bad enough I'm struggling to cope now - not sure I can do another year. I miss life and my kids to much,
Is there any treatment or medication or anything I can do to try get out of what I'm going through?

 

[Ollie]

....also why is it chronic and not episodes - I'm stuck in this state 24/7 with a altered perception and head pains, is this normal? Is it normal for it to happen so strong without me wanting it to?
It's always when I attempt get up and go - like today, got a call from the dr to say my blood sugar is high and they want a repeat test, my cortisol has been high for 3 years but only recently been acknowledged and I'm being referred to a endochrinrologist,
It's just never ending - can this disorder just come on like in a instant moment because I've not been like this all my life it just suddenly happened to me as quick as a click of finger and snap I tremoured my body shook for a second and snap my perception altered there and then and I've been like this since - it feel like I'm stuck in a box in my mind and can't accesss outwardsness. I'm not in control I don't use it as a means of escape I'm just stuck like this without control.
Frustrated! It's so bad and has effected me so much I've had to leave my job it's destroying my quality of life in every possible way the way I've been left