Am I In The Wrong Here?

[Deleted member 27181]

Let him pout like a baby, cuz he's acting childish....

Let's leave out personal opinions about him please. I don't appreciate you calling my boyfriend childish, nor do I appreciate that comment to be honest. I asked for opinions on the situation, not on him.

He seems to like having you socially isolated.

He's happy with me having friends. He wants me to have friends, the reason I don't have friends is because I stopped talking to them, he didn't tell me to or force me to stop talking to them and he told me he'd never do that. He admitted he didn't like them and thought they were bad for me to hang around with, considering my mental state at the time. But he never, not once, disliked me having friends.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Uhm, have you gotten to the point of being able to understand the difference between saying someone IS childish and they are ACTING childish? I'm not sure why you posted at all because you didn't want any real feedback on the situation. I know you are young, but at the same time, maybe take it all in and realize that many of the people who have replied have been through similar situations in the past, and look at where they ended up. Yes, you have it "resolved", but at the same time, that can also be seen as part of the abusive cycle where a guy asserts his control and then backs off a bit in order to please his partner and keep her around, only to be more controlling in the future.

Again, your example was not like mine. In your example, you were doing stupid things to yourself, and still, he has no right to tell you what to do. In my example, the female was butting her nose into OUR relationship and trying to take me down in order to break us up. Very different in that yes, she was attacking me and I had a right to protect myself.

I won't reply to your posts in the future as it seems like you only want to be supported for your position without considering an opposing view. Have a good day.

 

[Dee Morris]

My first thought is that your "reasons" for disconnecting from your friends are very shallow, judgmental & driven by a possessive boyfriend attempting to alienate you from the support system you built for yourself. His reaction when you reconnected solidified the possessive part in my mind. You say he wants you to have friends but it sounds like he only wants you to have friends that HE chooses for you. You are perfectly capable of choosing your own friends without his input. Sorry, but I would run fast and long from that guy. This is an abusive relationship in the making.

 

[Dee Morris]

BTW, You are making excuses for his behavior. If you didn't really want to hear the input from others, why bother asking for it? The "destructive" behavior you described doesn't really appear to be destructive. So you stayed out late, had fun and he describes it as "manic" to make it sound bad. Everything you described sounds like the kind of emotional abuse that I endured for 16 years.

 

[marylouise]

Whatever your reasons for disconnecting from your friends a year ago, it's important to recognize the timing: you had been with your boyfriend for two months when you made this decision. It's not a coincidence. Why would you dump your old friends at the precise moment you are getting into a relationship?

I don't know the answer. As #Dee Morris says, it could be that you were responding to queues from your boyfriend, whether implicit or explicit, that he wanted you to dump these friends. I understand you now feel defensive about people's reactions to your post that target your boyfriend who you've since made up with, but I think it's very important that you sort this out for yourself. It's not healthy to just suddenly dump people who care about you, who are now reaching out because they say they're worried about you. So, why did you do it?

And, like others on this thread, I have seen this kind of behavior before with friends. They get into a relationship with a guy, stop hanging out with their girlfriends, and then .... fast forward a few years .... we, former friends, find out he's beating the shit out of her and she's afraid to leave him and says it's her own fault anyway. I really hope this isn't your future, but you'll need to figure out for yourself why you're acting the way you are. None of us can predict your future.

 

[Deleted member 27181]

Uhm guys. My reasons for disconnecting from friends are not shallow. If any of you have gone through a period of time where you have not spoken to your boyfriend/friend/spouse etc because you needed space, then you are calling that shallow.. which it is not.

NO, he doesn't care who my friends are. He had a friend who promised to be out in 5 minutes but then commited suicide whilst my boyfriend waited outside the bathroom door, so I get his issue with promises. And I don't appreciate any of you saying he is possesive or controlling. He isn't, he doesn't give a shit who my friends are or what I do with my time. He worries about me and the people I hang around with because they can be reckless and drink alcohol etc. I didn't once f*cking say he is chosing who my friends are or anything along those lines.

I posted this thread in a baffled attempt to figure out what was going on. I'm sorry I did and I'm going to stop f*cking posting on this forum and on this website because you are all shallow and vindictive.

He didn't tell me I was acting manic, my therapist did. STOP ASSUMING THINGS. You are all assuming he is the worst because you've been in situations with similar behaviours. Maybe I worded it wrong, maybe you're just blinded by your own insecurities and doubts, but I don't appreciate the fact any of you have come on to this post, in which I was hoping to get support and none biased/shallow/bitchy comments about my boyfriend whom I love with all my life. EVERY RELATIONSHIP HAS ARGUMENTS. I have no doubt some of you have had a partner who has commented on your friend choice.

He not once said he didn't want me to 1) have friends, 2) have those friends or 3) recconect with anyone I chose too.

Yes @Dee Morris, you endured 16 years of emotional abuse and I'm sorry to hear that. But that was YOU with whom ever did that to YOU. Not me, not my boyfriend.

I didn't come here looking for abuse from you. Every time I have posted on this website, all I have gotten back from you @Solara is bitchy, self-absorbed, dickish comments that are more deserving in some childish forum somewhere else on the internet. You are not helpful, not supportive and certainly have no respect for my or my boyfriends feelings. So get lost. You're not wanted on my posts, IF I decide to post any more.

I will repeat, just for those who seem incapable to read the whole f*cking thread. My THERAPIST said I acted manic. My boyfriend WANTS me to have friends. My boyfriend DID NOT tell me not to speak to them nor did he force me to stay out of touch with them. HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING but get upset due to me breaking a promise that I MADE TO HIM. He didn't make me promise, he didn't even tell me to promise. I told him I promised I wouldn't, and he just said okay. But it was still a promise to him and it was still a promise I broke which he took hard due to his best friend breaking his promise and committing suicide. So you can all f*ck off, go get a life and not make my day any more miserable than it already has been. None, not one, of your comments have been helpful. All you have done is insult my intelligence, insult my boyfriend and my relationship and used your own past experiences to justify your comments when all situatuions are COMPLETELY different, no matter whether the circumstances/behaviours are similar. EVERYONE HAS INDIVIDUAL ISSUES. Including me, including my boyfriend and including you. This issues (or qualities) make every situation invidiual. So you're past experiences might have had similar behavioural qualities but my boyfriend is NOT abusive in any way, shape or form. We have been together for a year and this is the FIRST time he has gotten this upset over something I have done.

@marylouise. I was not responding to queues from my boyfriend. HE DIDN'T DO A f*ckING THING. I HAVE BEEN IN A CONTROLLING AND ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP BEFORE. You are all treating me like I'm some bewildered little child. I'm not retarded and to be honest, you're all being mean and rude. Me and my boyfriend were hardly speaking when I stopped talking to my friends. We would text once or twice a day and meet up on weekends. He knew nothing and he was fine with my friends, he encouraged me to go out with them and at times would say he'd like to see me. Which is completely resonable and NORMAL. Just because I have PTSD, have commented on the fact my boyfriend got upset in a situation where I reconnected with old friends and because you have seen/been through a bad experience, does not give you the ground to assume every relationship is destined for me to be beaten and abused by my boyfriend in a couple of years. You crossed a line saying that @marylouise. Well done. I hope you are proud of your insensitivity. I dumped my friends in the first place because I did. THAT'S NONE OF YOUR f*ckING BUSINESS.

Oh. And we have sorted it out. Like I f*cking said, if any of you have actually read my posts. Or have you all just read what you wanted to read and just read the parts that backed up your own points.

Honestly, you all need to get your own problems in check before you share your unwanted opinions on other peoples threads.

Like I said, we all have arguments with in relationship, but you lot are all to self-absorbed in your PTSD minds to realise that when you're in a relationship, the world doesn't revolve around you and your experiences.

Good bye. I will be leaving this site. I hope you're all f*cking happy with yourselves. THINK BEFORE YOU WRITE. You never know if you'll actually upset someone. You're opinions should never be wanted. Only advice, but opinions are completely different to advice. Advice is actually intelligent, opinions are biased and 99% rude and hurtful.

 

[Deleted member 27181]

I know you are young, but at the same time, maybe take it all in and realize that many of the people who have replied have been through similar situations in the past, and look at where they ended up. Yes, you have it "resolved", but at the same time, that can also be seen as part of the abusive cycle where a guy asserts his control and then backs off a bit in order to please his partner and keep her around, only to be more controlling in the future.

Guess what @Solara. I'VE BEEN THROUGH IT. I have had an abusive boyfriend before, you know. You guys aren't the only ones, even though you seem to think so in your little communities. My ex-boyfriend sexually, physically and emotionally abused me. I couldn't have friends, I couldn't meet people or do anything without his say so.

So when I get a boyfriend, my instinct is to ditch my friends out of fear I'm going to be beaten up until I bleed. There you go, I guess that's why I ditched them. My boyfriend wouldn't do that even if a gun was pointed at his head, but my frightened inner self thought he could, when we'd only been dating 2 months, I didn't trust him or believe him. I had no comfort and it's only now I trust him with my life and know for a fact he'd never do anything more than tickle me.

Happy? You're not wanted on my posts. Everything you have said to me, on other posts too, seem to just be demeaning and bitchy. You seem to know everything and you sure act like it. So please don't post anymore on my posts. I'M NOT RETARDED.

There was no need to say "I know you're young" I was in an abusive relationship at the age of 13. I think young is a bit of a stretch right now, even though I am 17.

Yes, they have been through similar situations. But not one of you have dated my boyfriend, so your similar experiences/situations/stories aren't f*cking wanted. They're not related to my boyfriend, my situatution or me.

 

[shimmerz]

but he made me promise and so I did.

This is what you said. This is what we are responding to. This is why I asked the questions that I did. What I didn't know was that you asked him to make you promise. That is codependent type behaviour and if you can stand back a bit you may want to address why you needed him to be in the middle of this without being able to stand up to your friends yourself. It is a triggery posting so I get why all the hostility. I hope that you find peace and if you don't have one already, a good therapist. I say that because you are indicating your confusion over an entire year, not being able to remember things as well as dropping out of your social circle, also your sense talking of confusion. I hear you and feel badly that you have felt attacked here.

 

[digger]

People, myself included, responded to what you said...

but he made me promise and so I did.

It's not for us to predict that you're going to change the story later in the thread...

He didn't make me promise, he didn't even tell me to promise.

Perhaps before slating other people for not reading the thread well enough, it might be an idea to re-read your posts yourself.

People have posted with good intention. Your response is way out of order in my opinion.

 

[desiderata310]

ok... I will say this... I cannot speak for anyone else, but I did say that mine is something of a knee jerk reaction. I personally don't mean harm, I just read things that... well, they triggered me. Not blaming that on you, simply trying to explain why I suddenly got scared and sounded forceful. I am GLAD he is not that person. I'm actually sitting here in tears and I am not certain why but I know it has a lot to do with my OWN experience.

That said, I've had similar reactions to things people have written here. I asked about EMDR and felt attacked because people felt that my therapist was being abusive(for lack of a better term) I know it's hard not to take it this way but I think the majority of us don't mean to attack. We are simply fearful and in this case we are fearful (without just cause in this case) for you.

Sorry that the thread was offensive. Again, I read something that apparently wasn't there. Sorry this was hurtful to you. Personally, I don't want anyone to deal with something like that.

I'm glad everything is sorted out with you and your boy friend.

I hope that you come back after you've had a chance to review at least my post and consider what I have to say. We are all viewing the world though PTSD eyes here. There will be those of us who have this kind of knee jerk reaction. It's never meant to harm but we are where we are because of what we have been through as individuals.

Peace.

 

[The Albatross]

Please refrain from the use of capital letters in posts as that is tantamount to shouting and is unnecessary. Thread has been reported for review.

 

[The Albatross]

Further it is against forum rules to attack members. Action may be pending.