Am I Over Reacting In My Relationship?

[Dolpin23]

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 4 months now, things went really fast at the beginnig and just on the second date we've made it official. We're still very young and we both live with our parents, still in school and working at the same time. Thing is I feel like I'm not important to him as he is to me, he is always the one to end our conversation because he has something to do or he's tired, I always know what he's currently doing but I can't help the way it makes me feel. One time I had a really bad day and I just needed him to be there for me but he talked with me for few mins and then he said he needs to go and spend some time with his family, the other time he went on holidays for 3 weeks so obviously he wasn't speaking to me as much then we had two days before I went away, he spend a night at mine and I wanted him to spend one more because I haven't seen him for 3 weeks and I knew that we weren't going to see each other for next two and half weeks but he said he is too tired, so we just went out durning the day and he went home and now I just got back from his holidays but he went away again and ge is getting back in a couple of days, but once again we're not speaking as much. I told him about my concerns but he just said that we need to have our own lives and it's just a part of life that we have separate things to do. He even said it himself that he's putting himself first and he has the right to do that, but it will change once he gets back, but then we will get back to our lives and just meet once a week again. I'm just feeling like I'm doing everything for him and he only talks to me/meets with me when it's convenient to him, but at the same time he invites me to family events and parties of his friends. I just feel like I need more attention and time, I love him but at the same time I'm tired of this situation when I'm being disappointed all the time.

 

[Casey_03]

Is PTSD involved in this relationship at all?

 

[Stickler]

...So you need a LOT of attention and he is distant.
...It's not working for you.
You are strongly urged to get a social life and friends of your own, if you don't have them. If someone better comes along, someone who is more attentive? You'll be better off.

Dunno whether you have PTSD, he does, or both of you. PTSD can cause a need for a LOT of closeness or a need for distance.
Whatever the case? I think that, long-term, you're going to feel love-starved and he will feel very pressured.
A very ugly dynamic.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am sorry for your plight yet I agree with Stickler. This does not sound like he is going to be very supportive of you or your needs. Probably might consider ending it now before it is too late and you get really hurt badly.

 

[Lucycat]

Ok. So you are in the Uk. Which means if you are still in school you are under 18 - so yes, very young. The US refer to any education as 'school' even if it is college or uni. Clearly you don't mean that.

Does either of you have PTSD? This is a PTSD forum so I would expect so, but I am unclear how the PTSD is impacting on your relationship concerns.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Wow, I only got half way through this before I felt overwhelmed. PTSD or not, do you think you might be smoothering the poor boy?

Try backing off a bit. He is right, you two do need your own lives.

This sounds like a super young, and early (not dating long) relationship. You may not last and if not, thats rather normal. But if you want a chance to, you need to give him some breathing room and I think you need to find some hobbies, friends, and other things that dont include him.

One of my best friends in high school married her high school boyfriend and they are still married with two kids. They lived two lives; she was ok without him and he was ok without her, in high school. Id compare them in high school to a married couple working at the same place. She does her thing and he does his coming together at the end.

Id stay at her house for the night and she may talk to me about an argument they had but she rarely talked about him. Generally only if i asked or if something came up in convo. She just had more going on and same for him to make it all about each other and i think thats why they are still happily married today at the age of 35.