Am I Overreacting?

[Deleted member 19804]

A little background story: I have PTSD from having been raped by a guy I was dating a few years ago. My parents and a few of my friends know about this. My father is currently depressed and has been unemployed for years.

My dad has always been a guy to make a lot of jokes, and I like that about him. But lately he's been telling me jokes that make me uncomfortable and I don't really know what to do. I have told him that I don't want him to make jokes like that around me, but he just gets annoyed and tells me I'm a prude. Today he sent me another one of those jokes that I find inappropriate for a father to tell his daughter, but maybe I'm overreacting. Here's what he said:

"Today a lady came to me in the parking lot. She said, 'I just had to stay and watch for a while, because wow, you have a big one!' . Turns out she was talking about my car."

Am I being prudish or overly sensitive not liking him to make jokes like this?

If I am, I want to know because I don't want this to stand between my dad and me. So if I need to change something, I'll be happy to do it. Especially since he's already struggling with depression and feeling worthless. I don't want to hurt him.

Side note: my father has never and would never be (sexually) abusive to me in any way. He is a good guy and I know he means well. Personally, I think he is just trying to make me 'one of the guys' because he doesn't talk to his friends very often.

 

[Casey_03]

I definitely think it sounds quite inappropriate; wouldn't say you are overreacting at all. Especially if you have already told him such jokes make you uncomfortable. But my guess is he is acting weird due to the depression and may be completely oblivious to how distasteful these things are to say.

 

[watundah]

Not overreacting. It's so frustrating to share wants and needs to no avail. Can you tell they're jokes by the email subject line and delete? Or maybe write him a more open email about how this makes you feel and whether or not he wants to call you names, please stop.

Best to you.

 

[Spiderallis]

I know it's not typical, but I'm so used to relatives telling horrid jokes that I've become immune. My great-uncle even has some very naughty songs he sings for guests. A good hard stare is usually enough to discourage the inappropriate humor. If it's via email or social media I don't know- maybe send him some links or a book of jokes that would be more suitable?

 

[Friday]

No abuse in my family... That would be a very tame joke in my family.

My dad didn't tell us dirty jokes when we were kids, but now that we're adults? For sure. Although, as I said a above, that would be about a 2 on a scale of 1-5.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

No, not overreacting. Everyone has a comfort zone. Stick to your boundaries.

 

[Meadowsweet]

I think in this kind of situation there is a tendency to look for a wrong = either the joke teller being wrong for telling the joke, or the listener being wrong for not finding it funny.

I think your father is sharing his humour with you and that there's nothing wrong with that. But that doesn't invalidate your feelings or mean that there's something wrong with you for finding sexual humour distasteful.

There are always aspects of others that we don't particularly like, but it's not our place to tell others what to be like. So setting boundaries that include some level of tolerance and acceptance of different tastes is difficult. And I think it can be done with sensitivity to the other person.

Perhaps you could let your dad know that you love him for his sense of humour and that you know lots of other people like sexual humour, but that you feel awkward with it.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I don't think you are being prudish at all. These type of "jokes" aren't even funny and I don't think it appropriate to tell them to you, regardless of your age, to me, it feels disrespectful.

 

[StarChild]

because he doesn't talk to his friends very often.

Another question; Did your dad lose one or some of his friends, recently?

 

[Friday]

I think your father is sharing his humour with you and that there's nothing wrong with that. But that doesn't invalidate your feelings or mean that there's something wrong with you for finding sexual humour distasteful.

^^^^^
This.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Thank you all for your advice and for sharing your opinions. Next time this happens, I'll try to tell him gently but seriously that I want him to stop.

@watundah I apologise, I should have mentioned that it was via text message. He tells the jokes to my face as well.

@TreeHugger no, not that I know of. He's just been isolating, for a large part because of his mental and fysical health. Plus, having been out of work for so long, he doesn't have any social contact with coworkers on a daily basis. I guess that factors in as well.

 

[zeropoint]

I think those jokes would make a lot of people uncomfortable regardless of trauma history. I'm not going to say your trauma is irrelevant, but those jokes are really juvenile (imo) and not the way anybody wants to think about their dads. You know your dad and know how he communicates, but I really don't think you have to connect it to trauma at all. Just that you want him to stop those jokes because they make you uncomfortable.