An Article On Appropriate Touch

[Recovery4Me]

We certainly have had more than a few threads on this subject. However, I wanted to offer a little article and embedded video (if you scroll midway through the connecting site). I found it contained many points that many of you already know but never hurts to review. And yet, I found a little gender study within this article script of the video &/or video itself that gave me pause.

What do you think about that little blip of data concerning the study involving gender? I was not offended in the least, yet my reaction was like :O_o:, oh no NOT another snag!:clown: So if you have time, please share your thoughts. :hug:

http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/hands_on_research/

 

[holdenmonty]

it is quite an interesting article and kind of shows that men and women tend to communicate differently if we realize it or not.

 

[Hope4Now]

I wish there were more and more research like this. I know touch is a hot-topic for many people who have been abused. It was for me until I learned what a safe touch could feel like when I was around 20 years old :wideeyed:. We are so touch deprived. As an adult, I've watched touch transform people's faces.
I know I spent my career as a classroom teacher inhibiting my desire to touch my students compassionately...it was a no-no, even for a kid who was sobbing in despair. Same goes for most therapists and clients. I think it's sad.

I think because of these generally unspoken cultural restrictions, we lack touch IQ (not just in schools and therapy, but so many other places too...and especially between women and men where touch is so often interpreted as sexual no matter what the intention.)

And the lack of touch IQ goes a long way toward explaining the spinoff findings of men not understanding women's communication of anger through touch, and women not understanding men's communication of compassion through touch.

I don't believe it is a difference caused by sex, but by the culturally constructed and unspoken interpretations of our society...in which it is so often unacceptable for a woman to be angry, or a man to be compassionate.

 

[Recovery4Me]

@holdenmonty Thanks for your input!

@Hope4Now
I concur until science proves otherwise that there is hope to bridge that communication difference.:clown: I too, often walked the edge in college teaching to hug those sobbing or those who would run to me to be hugged (we taught medical programs & they were such a compassionate bunch). But it broke my heart when I taught public special sections and I could not even help them up when they fell on the floor.

As well I am sorry for your pain & trauma. ((hugs))
I also became excited with your phrase-'Touch IQ'! What a fabulous concept. Thanks for your delightful insight.

And everyone please feel free to add other positive data or articles to the thread. Many of us here might benefit to revisit touch in a happy thought.:hug:

 

[KwanYingirl]

Very interesting article and video. Compelling. Many of my responses to people struggling on this site are about Reiki, a touch therapy. It completely changed the way my mind and body work together in a positive way. That led to feeling more safe in relationships and less self loathing. I highly recommend it. I am not surprised about the gender differences. That explains a lot doesn't it?

The book I had when my kids were babies was heavy on touch and swaddling and rocking the baby. I agree that in the US touch is sexualized. Why can't two men hug one another? Why does it seem like a come on if a woman touches a guy's arm?

I wonder if my dog is a healthy stand in for getting my touch quota as I am isolated and an introvert. She is a PTSD therapy companion. Plus she's a lap dog and you know how those of us with lap dogs talk to them in Mother talk.

 

[Recovery4Me]

@KwanYingirl

The book I had when my kids were babies was heavy on touch and swaddling and rocking the baby

So beautiful to know that you overcame so much to gently bring your children into the world with bonding touch!:hug:

Plus she's a lap dog and you know how those of us with lap dogs talk to them in Mother talk.

:roflmao::tup:

Thanks for your whole post of solid commentary! Today, I thought about touching furbabies too, as I carried my little papillion Olly back home, from his walk (as he started limping). :happy:

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Funny, I wonder how I would have faired in their experiment given that I KNOW what its like to see the 857 shades of anger from a woman (she was angry, not compassionate) and yet at the same time, it was my dad who gave me compassion throughout life.

 

[Tinyflame]

Strange for me that appropriate touch is one of the few things that grounds or connects me. or reduces anxiety, since outside of my family (some of which touch was gentle, from some members non-existent) it was mostly always forced, inappropriate, unwanted, demanded, violent. One guy (best friend, no less, lol :rolleyes: ) used to raise his fist that he was going to slap or punch me (jokingly), later it was not (joking). It's difficult to expect it 'not' coming.

 

[Recovery4Me]

@Junebug :hug::hug:

I had put this on another thread by mistake:woot:, darn screen switching.:yuck: So here goes again...

I am. sorry .for .your .pain. However without minimizing it ...did you not turn it around a tad and engage in the medical profession? How do you see your touch influencing others grounding, health and hope? Do you want to share or am I pushing the boat too hard for you at this time?:hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

Actually, that was a good thread. :laugh:

No worries @Recovery4Me , in terms of asking anything. Except, gee I'm not sure, because it wasn't something I set out to do. I was always one to express myself physically as a kid (eg rather a hug than talk). It just comes naturally to me to give a hug or touch an arm or whatever, if I think it will make someone feel better (provided it's ok with them). It''s situation, person & timing specific. (Same even with dogs, cats. I pet a cat that loved me & vice versa & the poor thing was so freaked out with a large dog present it looked like a cartoon character, thought it would scratch me to bits but I couldn't help not doing it because it looked so terrified. It was fine to me & then moments later jumped on to the top of a door! :wideeyed: )

Really with pervs or rapists it's not respecting boundaries. (Well that's an understatement. Combined usually with violence or threats.)

It doesn't surprise me the men in the study didn't read 'anger' in the touch- who in God's name should expect to combine those two??! :(

Mind you, it probably does explain why I've avoided doctors, one bad experience & that convinced me, did me in.

Oddly though, I'm not sure if appropriate touch (given or received) is concrete to me, or 'real', grounding I think for sure (provided it's not a perv, there's nothing worse). Reassuring, I guess, Idk. It competes with negative thoughts or fear or shame or terror I guess, over-rides my head. :rolleyes: Likely in my mind I equate it to concrete presence, or help/ safety.

 

[Tinyflame]

Was thinking I guess too @Recovery4Me (for me) it's likely because there wasn't (frequently) concrete people or concrete help (as a child). Or perhaps at times if there was it was consoling & anxiety-reducing? Idk. Definitely something to do with safety (feeling).

 

[Chosen]

I loved this article! Thanks so much for sharing it!