An Especially Difficult Night

[mytai]

I'm just having a really tough time tonight, I'm feeling very upset and distressed. I don't know why. I just feel off. Maybe I'm feeling triggered, I honestly don't know. I had a bad fall outside my apartment today. The roof of the parking garage is very slippery because of all the snow we got again today. My hip is already black and blue, and my back is really sore. Since then I've been gradually feeling more and more upset. It wasn't an upsetting fall, I just slipped on the snow and ice.

I feel stupid for being upset tonight, because I don't know why I am. I'm really feeling alone right now. Had a cuddle with Luna and Pippa (they are back in their cage now), and my cat is curled up in bed with me. Normally that will pick up my mood if I'm feeling off, but not tonight. I don't have many friends, I've pretty much isolated myself from everyone and they've all given up on talking to me. The odd time I will hear from them every few months.

:(:unsure:

 

[wolfkitty]

I know that any time my body is threatened, sometimes even if it is minor, it triggers feelings of helplessness with can throw me into a trigger of other feelings like anger, and fear. I am a bit of a klutz at times and when I wake up and see bruises on my body it can really throw me. Especially since I didn't bump into things very hard.

I also find that the more I put myself down for feeling my feelings the longer they last. I try to find anything at all I can to give myself permission to feel no matter what (as long as it is not ego indulgence and usually I can tell the difference.)

Then once I give myself the okay and stop judging the feeling it usually resolves itself. But when I judge the feeling as stupid, bad or wrong it usually makes it worse.

Well you have one person who is sending you love tonight, sleep well. Love your kitty for me I don't have one yet!

 

[mytai]

@wolfkitty I'm a bit of a klutz too. I frequently will smash my shins off of my coffee table (glass top, don't always see the corner), or smack my head off of open cupboard doors. It hasn't ever triggered me into feeling this way though. So I don't know what's going on with me. Clearly something I need to mention to my T tomorrow morning when I see her.

What? I shouldn't put myself down for feeling feelings? That's a new concept, I should probably give that one a try. That's a huge issue for me, giving myself permission to feel. I've been conditioned to stop feelings and to not express them so I tend to put myself down for having them.

Thanks for the love. Tai (cat) says thanks for the love too, he is purring like a motor boat right now.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Maybe it's just that getting hurt has thrown things a bit and even if it didn't hurt much it's made you feel more vulnerable? Glad to hear you're taking good care of yourself and spending calming time with the cat and rats. Sometimes even if a lot of things are good, for me it's just the quantity of things and if there are a lot especially if I get hurt (even if it's not enough to really notice) I get more easily overwhelmed, so I'd say between the excitement of getting new pets, the fall that has bruised you, the approaching holiday season (whether negative or positive for you) and any other life type things (work, chores, family, food etc) a bit of overwhelming-ness would be normal. Continue to be good to yourself and safe hugs if wanted :hug:

 

[HelenB]

Sorry to hear you were having a bad night.

I would always say that being more run down for whatever reason would make me find things harder. I remember over the summer when things got particularly hard for me and it was one last thing which topped it all off for me, and my GP made the comment that it is like you are having a hard day and then you stub your toe and it all just comes out, even though the toe in itself is just the last straw which takes it all over the top. I know that for myself emotionally the thing which happened was the last thing on top which did take it all over, but know that when you do hurt yourself no matter how bad you feel it 'should' be or make you feel, it is just another part to it all, and would totally agree that if you feel as you do that it is good to allow yourself to have permission to feel and need comfort, as you do deserve it.

I can understand and relate totally to the conditioning yourself to not feel and for putting yourself down when you do feel, but do also know for myself that in the long run it does not really take the feeling away, just shuts it up inside, where it does not really get better, just comes out in other ways and for me often ends up completely self destructive and not good at all. I know I can see so well for others that they actually do deserve to be able to feel and have the comfort, which they so deserve, and really hope you are able to see that you also do deserve that and are able to allow yuorself to also comfort yourself at this time.

I hope that makes some kind of sense, as my head is a bit all over the place at the moment, but I read your post and wanted to let you know I am thinking and of you and feel for the place you are in, and hope I have been able to be of some comfort with my reply.

God Bless
Helen

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

stub your toe

Funny I was going to use just this as an example on my earlier post, some how it just wrecks everything sometimes... especially if you have cold feet. :eek:

 

[mytai]

@Kas_Can_Fly I always have cold feet :coldfeet:

Been having flashbacks at the office today. I'm glad my boss is sick so that I'm in the office alone. I would rather no one at work witness this. Not glad he is feeling crappy, but glad I'm on my own today.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

:( More safe hugs for you. :hug: Try to treat yourself to anything that will help you feel a bit better, if that's a book/tv show good, or a bit of chocolate or your fav food, turning the heater up for a few hours, a bath, listening to some music or something you enjoy (personally loving listening to dramatisations of Sherlock Holmes).. anything, even if it doesn't help directly, if it just lifts your mood or takes your mind off of it for a short while it's totally worth it. I wish you to feel better soon.

 

[mytai]

Thanks for the hugs @Kas_Can_Fly can't remember the last time I had a safe hug. Uncle likes to use hugs after he does the 'act', so safe hugs aren't something I get very often.

I am at work until 9pm tonight, and it's just after 4pm now here. So a while to go before I can climb into bed with the cat and rats and watch a movie or show to wind down. For some reason I find baths scary, don't know why I just do. Showers however I could stand under for hours or sit on the floor of the shower and let the water hit my back - that sounds like a plan tonight.

I could always read the book my T sent home with me last week, or watch some Netflix at work until I have to send my staff out again. Right now I'm lying on the floor under my desk with my laptop beside me. The heater is cranked and the doors are shut.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

If you'd rather a pat on the back, hand shake or an imaginary cup of what-ever-you-like, then that instead. It only means I care and I wish that I could help in some way :)

Keep fighting on and good luck until work finishes (and after too).

 

[mytai]

Oh the safe hugs are more than welcome @Kas_Can_Fly I appreciate it.

 

[Britt.f7]

I had a few days like that last week and I am happy to say they have passed. I hope this for you. Actually, I hope it doesn't last as long as my did or feel as bad as mine did, and that you heal quickly.

You've had a lot of things happen in a short time, new pets(good) and a bad fall(obviously bad), it doesn't surprise me you are feeling somewhat down. My doctor told me a long time ago that my body reacts to stress with depression. Even good stress. Perhaps that is what is happening with you.

Love up on yourself, your pets. Take that nice hot shower. Put on your comfy pj's. Maybe some hot cocoa or a glass of wine. Whatever pampers you.

Consider yourself hugged. Usually I give strong ones, but I'll be gentle considering your injury...and, of course, only if you'd welcome one.