An Outsider

[sugnim]

I don't even know what to say. Sometimes I feel that I am too ugly of a person to even connect with others. It's just baffling to watch other people talk, enjoy each other's comments, and form bonds.

Somehow, I've managed to be married, though I am always in fear that one day, my wife will realize that she can do better and will leave me.

I'm pretty sure my co-workers dislike me, and I don't really have any actual friends to speak of. That's ok; I'm not particularly extroverted, so I don't actually need friends. But, the feeling that others truly dislike me is overwhelming today for some reason.

I think my function as a worker and my paycheck for my family would be missed if I were not here. But I'm pretty sure that I would not be missed as a person, because I'm not really here as a person anyway.

Sorry for the rambling. I'm at work, and I felt like I needed to say something.

 

[Gadgie]

Quote......."I think my function as a worker and my paycheck for my family would be missed if I were not here. But I'm pretty sure that I would not be missed as a person, because I'm not really here as a person anyway."
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That's exactly what I felt like before my divorce over twenty years ago, I felt that I was just a provider my for wife and two kids.

I used to come home for a week end, after three weeks of working away from home, I would get all excited as I drove nearer to home all them miles, really looking forward to seeing my family again, then I would be greeted with, Ah! your home again, just as if I had been out to buy a paper, or something like that?

I knew something was wrong, but it wasn't until I met my second wife, that I realised that there was more to life, and to be wanted as me, a person, and not just as a provider, changed my whole life!

We had twenty three years of happiness together before she passed in 2014, she changed my life for ever.