And the downs...frustration about justice

[Swift]

Yeah. I mean, social media can be good. At its best, it's honest connection.
At its worst, well, you know.
I like this forum because it makes a safe arena to talk about my stuff,without giving everything away. I feel like I have to keep it in control a bit? Like, I can't say too much, but I don't want to say too little.

 

[Mee]

Things I think enablers and bystanders get is a false sense of security. A sense that ‘their’ friend is ok or the person they dislike must be ‘not right’.

I think the sense of security and not challenging their own world and safety and crucially their own actions are really big though. The former friend who wrote to me accused me of things I think I see in her; so I think by looking at them in me she can avoid them in herself?

I think mainly people are selfish and rationalise their own actions but think poorly of other people’s.

 

[DharmaGirl]

but wow; that was an impact .

This happened about two years ago to me. I forgot to put my antidepressant in my pill box and couldn't figure out why I had suicidal ideation again. It was amazing how fast that worked. When I was visiting my mom, my stepsister shared a room with me, (we are both old) and some of my meds were missing. I didn't realize it because I don't really look, and she had taken my anti-anxiety meds. I had a panic attack and had to spend a day alone to get myself back under control.

started to find anger and it’s FABULOUS

I had an issue with anger too, and never got angry, but now I see it's benefits. I don't take it out on others. I clean the chicken coop or dig up a new garden or something. Anger when appropriate is good, and when handled well it can help work out issues. I now do things I am willing to do for others, so I don't become co-dependent. It's a hard balance, and one I talk about in therapy a lot. I think being angry takes away the victimhood, which is good. As long as I felt victimized, I looked for ways to feel victimized. When I stopped, I looked for ways to feel impowered.

I don't do hate. I'm a Buddhist and try to see behaviors as just that. They are not the person. The less judgmental I become, the happier I am. I have a son who reminds me when I am judging, lol. I used to hate some people but again, it hurts me to focus so much energy on hating something I can't change. The only way I could change was to go no contact. It was a great solution!

There is no excuse for standing idly by and justifying the abuse.

Yes, I totally agree! There is no excuse for not reporting the abuse you see. I watched 2 little neighbor boys get black eyes and horrible bruises. I pretended I was just taking everyone's pictures, and recorded it and reported it to child services. Nothing seemed to happen, so I called the police when I heard yelling. The mother was allowed only supervised visits after that. I'm sure others reported it too.

so I think by looking at them in me she can avoid them in herself?

I had a friend who after a suicide attempt on my part, wrote me an email that said, "I'm not responsible for your crazy train derailing". I don't think that is cute or funny. She then further ripped into me, and I realized that she could look in a mirror and read the email to herself. So yes, people tend to accuse others of what they themselves are doing. I think mainly people are involved in their own inner struggles, blaming others and putting down people makes them feel secure that they are living the right life.

 

[Mee]

Dharmagirl: our paths sound not dissimilar. I practice hatha yoga, so to hate others is to hate myself if we are all a Oneness and connected. However; I have realised in striving to overcome judgement I became less self protective and discernment is ok. To respect and protect my value which is also important in the Oneness and connected to all I need to allow my intuition to protect me and practice discernment. This is different to hatred or contempt of course; just .... I do not have to embrace all who apologise; it’s ok to set boundaries.

I am glad you have found anger!

 

[Mee]

My husband and I are talking about this, the Scottish verdict in particular.

The not proven verdict has had calls to be removed but it's place is argued particularly for sexual assault cases.



We are wondering if this is a cause people could hear on a wider scale? Failed attempts to introduce to America have been made. Which means there are existing people to contact about it in the States anyway.