Anger... Why Is It So Prominent In Ptsd?

[Lady of Longbourn]

We or maybe I should say I, have short fuses. T says angry is healthy and I agree. To a point. Stress levels, triggers, environments, anxiety. The cup runs over.

I know I have a short fuse, and I can never see that changing in the near future.

I still feel damn guilty whenever I get angry.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I've discovered that what I labeled as anger was usually really something I couldn't identify, let alone name. Triggered by things I held away from my consciousness.

My loved ones can't 'see' my real feelings such as hurt, fear, disappiontment, irritation, etc. It wasn't safe to express anything in my home growing up, so I never learned the emotional literacy skills of identifying it, naming it, claiming it, expressing it, and taming it.

I just had an 'on/off' switch. Not helpful in taking care of relationships and the people I love.

My family deserves to know when I'm tired, annoyed, irritated, frustrated...the whole range.

...and especially, I need my children to know when I am that and they had nothing to do with it, or they'll believe they are to blame.

...and I don't want them taking blame on for things like clients being rude at work, or someone cutting me off in traffic. It's also good for them to know where I am on the continuum of anger, so they can respond appropriately to protect themselves.

If it's gotten to the point I'm yelling, they are allowed to take care of themselves by going to their art tables, bedrooms....hubby will put up a hand and that seems to break through to me to enact our now well-practiced safety plan. I stop, focus on containment. I stop speaking, do some harm-reducing isolation and comfort. Then, once I have system stand-down, I process the chain of events, try to identify what I can do differently next time....and then, I make amends to my family and cuddle with them if they feel like it. Maybe we'll read books, maybe watch the Muppet Show Chef on YouTube...but I try to never let us go to bed with reconnecting, letting them have their say until I've found a way to ensure they have felt heard.

....and I try not to hate myself for having to learn all this now.

My anger continuum;

Irked > irritated > frustrated > ticked > pi$$ed > angry > enraged

I am trying to learn to defend my boundaries now at irritated, so I don't become frustrated. I let irked stuff go. Ticked needs attention right away or I beging to lose myself in pi$$ed.

 

[Jacquie]

I name it. If I am angry I quietly say yes I am angry. But I find people are so busy acting out life...if you 'say' something made you angry instead of 'getting and being' angry.....it freaks people out. Whereas they seem to manage people 'getting and being' angry and screaming and carrying on just fine.

I dont get it.:O_o:

 

[BloomInWinter]

Hmmmm....it's tough, that's for sure. We live in such a reactive, traumatized world.

...once someone is reacting, though....well, more emotion right then isn't likely to do much but add fuel to the fire.

It's 'good enough' for me now to tell myself 'I'm annoyed' or whatever, but to bite my tongue, get safely away to do self-comfort, then re-approach when we're both ready to be rational, fair, and kind.

I thought this stuff was insipid but it's really working in my household...and that has me willing to continue trying.

Better than replaying the same 'point, counterpoint' nonsense that brings nothing good to my life. Hard stuff, though.

 

[mamachick]

Anger is a secondary emotion, meaning it is in response to another emotion such as fear, frustration, hurt, jealousy, etc.
Anger is a very normal emotion for everyone. It is the behavior that follows the anger that causes trouble. Feeling anger is a warning sign that something is wrong-a boundary may be violated (say a critical mother in law or a teen borrowing without asking), can be a need for immediate action to fear (your 4 yr old runs in street after a ball), could be a need to evaluate belief system (husband forgets to pick up milk -must mean he doesnt care or doesnt listen).

Anger is not a bad emotion as long as we feel it and stop and think, then respond assertively. So feeling angry can lead to a positive outcome. It can also, and often is a way to protect ourselves. As someone else posted, it pushes others away as a way of protecting-although Im not sure that is any of our goal and is not effective in the end. Sometimes the lashing out with anger at another prevents us from being angry at ourselves which prevents us from being overly depressed (anger turned inward is depression). That might temporarily prevent depression but not the answer. I think we have to feel the anger and STOP- evaluate what its about, and either make changes to our own beliefs or express it in a healthy manner so that we are not abusing others.

So why is anger so predominant in ptsd? I think it is because on some level we feel so vulnerable and fragile and we have come to believe that we are controlled by our environment rather than us having control. Its like a feeling of helplessness and the response to that is aggression (even with words). Like exerting power over another because they might be "making me feel" ????whatever that emotion is. Its a false sense of taking the power back. But it doesnt work. Many of us with ptsd feel that we have not been protected in the past and may have been betrayed by ones we loved and depended on. Its no wonder that we would get verbally aggressive. However, its not getting us what we want.

If I try to make a left turn off my street at 9 am there is this slow line of traffic. When I sit awhile and nobody will let me out-which happens sometimes-I finally just pull out and in front of a slow moving car and give the polite wave as if to say thank you (I kind of cut in). On a few occassions, even though traffic is 5 mph, someone will lay on their horn and give finger gestures. They are angry. Its as if their interpretation is that I have somehow disrespected them. That I have slown their day down by 4 seconds. We need to realize that our anger in these kind of instances are harming ourselves, its fueling anxiety and high blood pressure, and can lead to heart disease.

If its with our spouse or family members, it may be a misinterpretation of the meaning. When husband forgets what I asked him to do-it must mean its not important to him. After cooling off-expressing that could be effective. When you do......I feel......

Bloomin-love your post about how you deal with your kids, I can tell you are a wonderful mom. My kids were grown when I began all these symptoms. I applaud you. Last week something that my 23 yr old said left me feeling like she thinks Im just a loser. I felt angry and tearful. I told her and she said "Mom, thats not at all what I was thinking, then she explained, then said-please always tell me if and when you need a boost of reinforcement" I softened and the anger was gone. It feels good to be on the road back....