Angry!

[healing_now]

I was studying for a HUGE final that truly is what's going to decide whether I pass or fail and my Mom comes into my room to hang something on my door. It's distracting so I ask her to take it somewhere else out of my sight. What does she do? Dumps it into a box right outside my door, in my line of sight. I had a few moments of decision time then immediately got so angry! She knows to a fair degree how hard I've struggled in this class which the main struggle being mostly due to PTSD symptoms-dissociating, losing my memory during the abuse, lack of concentration (the worst!), racing thoughts, and a tiny bit of anxiety, but she still thinks it's my inability to study correctly. I know I don't do amazing with studying but I've definitely put in my effort this quarter but A students as a rule fail in this professor's course, and the material is extremely difficult to learn with his method of teaching and the book and online program have mistakes in them (I've found at least 4). My question is...

How do I calm down enough to take this test?

I'm angry and for good reason, how does she not understand how vitally important this Final is and yet chooses to ignore what I say that would best help me prepare for the Final? I don't get it and it makes me extremely frustrated because that's exactly what my abusers would do, ignore what I'm saying. It's like people don't even hear what I'm saying to them. Like I don't even exist or matter. I hate it.

 

[healing_now]

I know it sounds like I misunderstood what happened but this is typical of my Mom. She has the "I know better than you so I'll do it my way no matter what you say or how it makes you feel." It really hurts and I know it's not healthy.

She had a Mom who I believe was emotionally abusive or emotionally neglectful, and I think I get the offset of that.

My relationship with both my parents is definitely not normal, it's debilitating at times because I want to get out but both parents continue to tell me that I don't do well in classes, or get along with people, or do well with work environments, and it's constantly taking what I used to be and applying it to now. I worked hard and learned how to be an A/B student without having to study all the time or in their presence and they still act as though I'm a C/D student and I'm NOT!

They imply I'm lazy and just because I haven't saved the world before 8am like my Mom and I like to sleep in, doesn't mean I'm somehow faulty. My Mom constantly thinks that I have to be an early morning riser. It's frustrating because I don't truly want to be an early morning riser.

I've never been able to please my parents unless it's church related then suddenly they are so proud. It's actually what set me up for a really bad abusive situation having to do with an emotionally abusive church leader. They believed him over me. It hurts.

I need to go back to studying to have a chance at passing this final.

 

[^^FlyingSolo^^]

HI healing, good luck on your final!

Millions of people are just like you and dislike their parents for varies reasons. However, as long as you're under their roof you're going to be stuck putting up with them. That's basically it.

When you can afford to move out, then you can have your own place and can make your own rules. Until then, you have to suck it up. And getting angry won't help anything.

The more you try to make peace in the house with your parents, the easier it will be on you and them. And it will teach you a lot about how to get along out in the real world when you are finally on your own.

Good luck,

solo