Annoyed With Therapist For No Good Reason

[L83201]

Hi everyone. I was wondering if anyone experienced this.
I've been with this therapist for a year and it's been really helpful so far, but sometimes I feel like she is going too fast, like therapy is too much or too challenging.

Maybe I don't want to change things I should change and I feel forced to do so or pushed to do so. A couple times I was upset because she told me to do something - even though it was something I had to do and needed to do, and I knew this, but I didn't want to do it and I thought telling me to do it basically was unprofessional. She said "I think you should do it". By the way, I did it in the end and I was happy I did it, but I dislike the idea that she told me to, I always had this idea that therapists can't tell people to do things and that's wrong.

A couple sessions shocked me, because certain topics came up that I think would not be shocking to most people. Like the session when we came to the conclusion I have PTSD symptoms; or another session when there was talking about medication, which also shocked me. I was like "oh my God I can't have this it is impossible and unacceptable" and I was very scared and spaced out even.

Some other sessions really annoyed me. Like a couple times I made assumptions about what a person might be thinking about me or wanting from me and she pointed it out. What she said made sense, but I was very annoyed.

I wanted to point out these three things, that 1) I felt shocked a couple times, 2) I was annoyed with her, 3) She told me to do something directly, which I disliked.
I sometimes thought about lying to her in order to avoid feeling like this again - I never lied though.
I realize this is al childish, because I feel like I basically enjoy her understanding and compassion but I don't want to make effort and positive progress, which requires getting out of the comfort zone and stuff. Maybe that's the case? Also, I never felt this way with my former therapist but I also think I made less progress with her (maybe, I'm not sure). Finally, I feel like I shouldn't have these feelings and thoughts about my therapist and this scares me a lot.

I wonder if anyone can relate. Thanks for reading!

 

[Justmehere]

@L83201 - What you describe doesn't seem childish but a normal part of the process and really important stuff to talk to your therapist about.

sometimes I feel like she is going too fast, like therapy is too much or too challenging.

Sometimes therapy can go too fast, and we need to communicate to our therapists to slow down. Other times, therapy needs to challenge us more, and pull us more out of our comfort zones. Good trauma therapy is very challenging, but it's also paced well, and the client and therapist talk about how the client feels about the process itself.

Maybe I don't want to change things I should change and I feel forced to do so or pushed to do so. A couple times I was upset because she told me to do something - even though it was something I had to do and needed to do, and I knew this, but I didn't want to do it and I thought telling me to do it basically was unprofessional. She said "I think you should do it". By the way, I did it in the end and I was happy I did it, but I dislike the idea that she told me to, I always had this idea that therapists can't tell people to do things and that's wrong.

It may be the case that therapy where someone tells you what you should do is not what you want. Most therapists give some advice, and good ones will give even unwanted but respectful input from time to time to challenge us to grow. It could also be that you were trying to set a boundary or make a diffeeent decision and didn't have the support you wanted. Either way, I hope you do talk to her about this. My therapist constantly invites me to tell her how I'm feeling about therapy and even about her. Sometimes we don't change the therapy at all, sometimes we do, and either way, it helps for her to know. It helps on a level that is hard to explain....

A couple sessions shocked me, because certain topics came up that I think would not be shocking to most people. Like the session when we came to the conclusion I have PTSD symptoms; or another session when there was talking about medication, which also shocked me. I was like "oh my God I can't have this it is impossible and unacceptable" and I was very scared and spaced out even...

Also really good things to talk to her about. Getting a diagnosis of any condition can be hard. When I was first told I had PTSD, it took me 10 years to accept it... I didn't want to accept that any of it was real. I was spacey too. For me, it means all the trauma was all real and that's hard for me to accept.

I wanted to point out these three things, that 1) I felt shocked a couple times, 2) I was annoyed with her, 3) She told me to do something directly, which I disliked. ..

Talk to her about this. It's important. It's actually part of the therapeutic process to bring up questions and concerns and what our reaction is to the therapist and what they talk with us about.

Just recently I went to therapy and my therapist was giving me great advice and input. It was feedback that I had asked for and feedback that I agreed with. I was somehow still terribly mad with her.

So I told her. I said, "I intellectually agree with you, but I'm mad at you and I don't know or understand why."

She replied, "good, that means we are opening up (some tough issues)..."

In that moment, my therapist and I were able to identify I was experiencing something called "transference." It is where someone transfers feelings about one person on to another. This is neither a good thing nor a bad thing. People can feel positive or negative transference. Almost all humans experience transference at times... and it's super common in therapy, especially in trauma therapy.

In my case, there was just something about the whole thing that made me mad and as we worked through it, it was really... gosh, it's so hard to explain. On a technical level, I had what is called a "corrective emotional experience." For me, when I was enduring the trauma, no one listened or validated my anger or made any space for it. My therapist did.

And the anger and annoyance which was partly about therapy and partly about the past, got a lot better and a difficult trigger also got a lot easier to deal with too.

I don't know what is happening for you, and unless you share with your therapist she doesn't know either -- and letting her know might help in more ways than one. It's not easy to do. It took quite a bit of time for me to get up the courage to tell my therapist "I'm mad at you and I don't know why..." and it takes a lot of courage for me to tell her when I do know why, but it's been worth it.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

Does your therapist remind you of someone e!se? Could it be you are experiencing transference?

Here's a blurb from Psychology Today about transference:
Link Removed

 

[L83201]

Does your therapist remind you of someone e!se? Could it be you are experiencing transference?...

I don't think so, no one comes to mind. The only way I can interpret it is that the things she said that annoyed me are things I also heard from people I hate - hate here is an euphemism. So maybe she annoyed me because she reminded me of them when she said those things, even though they look nothing alike?

 

[L83201]

it takes a lot of courage for me to tell her when I do know why, but it's been worth it.

Thank you and it's encouraging that for you it's been worth it. The idea is a bit scary I guess but then I feel like if I don't tell her there will be more space between us. I also think she once told me that I could say things like this.

Just recently I went to therapy and my therapist was giving me great advice and input. It was feedback that I had asked for and feedback that I agreed with. I was somehow still terribly mad with her.

I totally get that, it's unfortunate, I thought I was supposed to never feel anything less than great about my therapist. I hope now you're not mad anymore!

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

the things she said that annoyed me are things I also heard from people I hate

Transference, my friend!

This is supposed to happen in therapy, to some degree. Grist for the mill.

 

[Suzetig]

I thought I was supposed to never feel anything less than great about my therapist.

Ah, therein lies the problem, your expectation that you'll only feel positively towards her is a bit unrealistic but very common in therapy.

This is someone who sees you fully, who's role is to challenge you in areas you'd rather not think about, to show you where your thinking might be skewed a bit and supports you through a process of changing some of your mostly deeply held beliefs and values. Throw in trauma to that mix, with all its pain, uncertainty and rage and you're going to have some very negative feelings indeed when your T starts stirring the pot a bit.

Everything you describe sounds normal, sometimes therapy does feel too fast, sometimes you touch on very painful stuff where even thinking about changing behaviours feels impossible and sometimes diagnosis is very hard to hear. Your feelings might be transference (ie they might rightly belong to someone other than your T), or you might be angry with her because it's safe for you and what's happening in therapy is painful and you resent her taking you there. It's all ok but maybe try to talk to her about it? It may be that you're not used to being able to acknowledge, express and resolve negative feelings in relationships and this is a great place to learn that skill.

Some of the hardest work I've done in therapy has been addressing what's happening in my relationship with my T, but it's also some of the most valuable and has always paved the way to a deeper connection and deeper, healing work. And the deeper, healing work? It hurts like hell and I get angry with her for making me go there, and it feels sometimes too much too fast. And we go over the same stuff a hundred times because I just can't make the changes yet - but each time I see a tiny bit of movement that wasn't there before, which is good to see.

 

[EmmaOwl]

Here's a blurb from Psychology Today about transference:
Link Removed

Thanks for this link. Until recently, I thought that transference was automatically a bad thing.

 

[lalazagna]

Learning to open up and tell my therapist "I'm mad at you" was a small turning point for me.

It took ages to get there, lots of frustration until finally just let her know I was pissed that she wasn't taking me seriously, that she knew nothing about my situation, that she was totally winging it...

It was the first time there was no backlash, or negative consequences. Just someone who still wanted to help me, someone who actually went and did more research into my situation, someone who didn't take it personally and kick me out...

Completely threw me, but it was a start to learning to trust her more, and learning to express myself in words.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

I thought that transference was automatically a bad thing.

Transference is very important. Deep work can't be done without some transference.