Anonymous Xmas Gift To Therapist

[joeylittle]

He can't accept more than what my insurance gives. And he said he wishes he didn't agree to use my insurance but he has a contract with them.

That's interesting to me. I've always thought that a co-pay is the portion you are paying that is not covered by insurance - and sometimes there are caps on it, depending on how your insurance works and where you are in your deductible. But like you said, if it's been discussed to death, then it's been discussed to death.

I think it will be up to him, whether or not he accepts it. I understand the impulse. It's illegal for him to accept it as payment without including it in his taxes, and (as you've indicated) is probably in breach of his insurance contract. He could only accept it as a gift (for tax purposes).

You have to be prepared for him to figure out it's you, and give it back. As long as you can handle that emotionally, then it's your action to take or not, to give it - and it's his choice to keep it, or not.

The only other thing I can think of is whether you can stop claiming the visits on your insurance for a period of time, and then start up again, and pay him his full fee for that period. But there's no way to back-pay him.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Honestly, I don't even know why the pay rate would come up in conversation. He agreed to take on your insurance, so that's on him. I understand your wanting to do something nice for him, but $1000, is a bit over the top. Generous, but over the top, IMO!!!!

 

[Riot]

Not sure if this has been considered--but please think over sending that much cash anonymously through the mail! I have a relative that works at the post office, and the theft is ridiculous. Also, if anything happened to the package/envelope and it came out, there'd be nothing you could do about it.

 

[Freedomfighter]

My insurance changed mid year and my therapist took a bit of a pay cut now when he sees me. As well, he...

It could get the therapist into hot water. I am a business owner and never accept additional checks if I know the customer made a mistake. I do accept small tips between 20 to 50 bucks, however when paying an additional 1000 dollars then the therapist may have trouble, could be placed in an awkward situation.

However, if it is in the form of a check you might still have a chance to discuss this with your therapist, which is most likely what should be done anyways.

 

[EmmaOwl]

My T is open about what she gets, beyond money (mine too is underpaid for the time she spends with me), and that helps me feel like it's a more equal exchange.

This has become a huge awkwardness for me. My therapist doesn't take my insurance, and we pay out of pocket. (I say "we" because it's my parents paying.) It's expensive.. It costs more per month than the small amount of social security disability I get. - I get very little b/c I became disabled at 24 - did not have much full-time work experience paid into the system.* Tonight he joked, because he used a situation with his son to compare some of HIS stresses with mine.... and then it was awkward because, as I'm handing him a check my mom has written out, he said "We should split this one!"

He knows I'm not rich although we manage, it's a difficulty. So I wasn't quite sure how to react. I sort of laughed it off and didn't say anything. I feel like I want to go back and say "Yeah let's call it even" or something - at least in a joking way to get a better feel for his tone? I feel like messed up, by not responding, and now it would be even MORE awkward to bring it up again.

*btw I do realize I'm very lucky to get any disability money at all for a mental health issue.

 

[EmmaOwl]

however when paying an additional 1000 dollars then the therapist may have trouble, could be placed in an awkward situation.

This just occurred to me: Perhaps you could ask your therapist directly, about the possibility to make a donation in his name to a charity of his choice? I think this would be a lovely gift, to mark the recognition of the help he has provided to you and others.

 

[Gs172003]

My therapist doesn't take my insurance at all and is seeing me at a lower rate than my copay. It was her choice and I appreciate it greatly. However I don't think she expects me to do anything in return as she did it to help me, not to get anything out of me.

 

[Chosen]

If you're going to do that, why not do a money order? Just to make sure he gets it...

 

[Deleted member 35429]

So the update is I couldn't mail it. I wasted $5 on a card and stamps and then hovered the envelope in the mail slot a while and ultimately decided against mailing it anonymously. The only thing that stopped me was realizing he might question his other clients in a negative way. The last thing I would want is for him to worry he has a client in love with him or stalking him or something.

So I brought the $1000 in cash to the next session and told him I'd been wanting to give this to him for Christmas. He listened to my reasoning and graciously accepted.

I know I have been very challenging for him this past year and have emailed him a lot outside of sessions so I do feel he deserves some compensation. I suppose it's no different than giving a holiday tip to your housekeepers or employees.
Glad it was no biggie at all! I appreciate the feedback from you all.