ED Anorexia Relapse And Trauma...

[hermione]

I have had anorexia for 22 years since my abuse started at 8...its a clear connection i was for a little while managing and i have been in and out of treatment like inpatient, residential, day and iop, pscyh hospitals done it all...but then a lot of stuff happened and well i went back completely and now have to pull myself out of it to keep out of inpatient treatment...i also just last week was hit with new memories...i have been following my meal plan i have to gain so i hadn't last week so i got things added but it is so hard sometimes but i want to stay outpatient but how can i deal with these new memories i haven't cut in 3 weeks as well yes i also self harm...which i also had not done for a long time and went back to. i am struggling. the new memories are not helping i am an emotional wreck most of the time the only time i seem to function is work. i want to give up and jsut stop eating again but i can't lose i am not in a place to lose or it is back to inpatient i was last in the hospital a year ago now...that is like the longest i have gone in years...i am sad and broken and just hate everything there are so many memories now and still things in my life that are up in the air that could lead to major backsliding and my therapist said i don't have the room weight wise to go back i need to get my weight back up or i am back in...i just want to be invisible and not feel and not feel like crying 24/7 the past few weeks that has been it new clearer memories making me just shower constantly and want to just push it away as i have for so long...my anorexia and trauma are very connected so its hard to deal with this...

 

[qwyoey]

I don't know if you are a reader or not, but this book has been helpful for me
The Biology of Desire: Why Addiction Is Not a Disease

I also wanted to add, I've been where you are and I know it sucks. I started starving myself in pre-school and then developed every eating disorder afterwards.

 

[Muttly]

I don't know if this will help, but if you can get past the hump of bumping up your meal plan things will get easier. I have found that it actually is true that the emotions are easier to deal with, when the body has food. I know how hard it can be, and how exhausting it is. That exhaustion just makes everything worse and will never go away, when your body is underfed.

Keep fighting. you can do this.

 

[hermione]

Thank you for the support my therapist has told me my mood is worse when not eating and I don't think as clearly which is true and I know it. Struggling with new memories on top of everything is just throwing me off I have stayed out of the hospital for a year I want to continue but struggling. I am following my meal plan but weighed myself and no change so fear more of an increase. I am trying to use other coping mechanisms I have learned but just having a really hard time.

 

[VioletButterfly]

Do you have a treatment team or only a therapist? Perhaps, if you had an RD and MD on board? I'm thinking you might already have an RD as you have a meal plan, but just want to put it out there as it might provide additional support. Also, are you going to any support groups? If that's not an option, there is a very good pro-recovery forum which is moderated by members who have a great deal of recovery and who are very, very supportive. Just a couple of options for you.

I'm very sorry to hear about what you've been through and how you are struggling right now. Please take good care of yourself.

 

[hermione]

Thanks I do have a treatment team all who are wonderful a therapist, nutritionist, psychiatrist and doctor.. I have not been in a support group since really inpatient treatment but those were not my choice and I never talked ...though I am looking for one for trauma as the eating disorder comes from just struggling right now